Hating myself right now!!!!

*Dave sheepishly wanders back into day 1*

I've been having a pretty shitty time over the last couple of weeks and today I've been feeling really angry and depressed. I went to get something from my car and found my baccy tin in my glove box. There was still a rolly's worth of baccy in there!

My hands started rolling it and I was telling myself to stop, but couldn't. I know that sounds pathetic, but that's how it was. Then, even though I was hating myself for doing it, I lit it up and started smoking!!! It tasted horrible, felt horrible, smelt horrible....yet at the same time it felt, perfect! I had 4 puffs then threw it away.

Now, my mouth feels like shit, my hand stinks, and I feel like shit!!!!!

Help please.............. :o :mad: :eek:

25 Replies

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  • *Dave sheepishly wanders back into day 1*

    I've been having a pretty shitty time over the last couple of weeks and today I've been feeling really angry and depressed. I went to get something from my car and found my baccy tin in my glove box. There was still a rolly's worth of baccy in there!

    My hands started rolling it and I was telling myself to stop, but couldn't. I know that sounds pathetic, but that's how it was. Then, even though I was hating myself for doing it, I lit it up and started smoking!!! It tasted horrible, felt horrible, smelt horrible....yet at the same time it felt, perfect! I had 4 puffs then threw it away.

    Now, my mouth feels like shit, my hand stinks, and I feel like shit!!!!!

    Help please.............. :o :mad: :eek:

    Oh Dave, Dave, Dave. I'm sorry you have been having a shitty time lately but did doing that make things any better. I doubt it.:eek:

    Okay - lecture over. Now back to basics. These blips happen at some point, mine was a week after I quit. I only had one but the shame of having to go back to Day 1 was awful. You've gone about a month, so you've had one, so what. You know what to do and what to look for now so let's get back on the bandwagon and kick old Nicodemon in the butt. Please, please keep coming on here and ranting, while you're doing that you are not smoking and the urge will soon pass.

    Good luck, you can do this.

  • mojo - it was about half an hour ago.

    jan - no it didn't make it any better, just worse!

    I really don't know why I did it! I was telling myself not to, but kept doin it anyway! What's that all about?!!?

    I honestly feel like crying!!!!! I was doing so well, then this. It woulda been 4 weeks on friday.

  • It was probably the shock of seeing those pics of a man in a mankini wot did it:)

  • i can't blame that trev, cos I started it!!!

    cheers mate, make me feel even worse why don't ya ;)

  • mojo - it was about half an hour ago.

    jan - no it didn't make it any better, just worse!

    I really don't know why I did it! I was telling myself not to, but kept doin it anyway! What's that all about?!!?

    I honestly feel like crying!!!!! I was doing so well, then this. It woulda been 4 weeks on friday.

    If you go to this link and look on page 11 it will explain things better than I can and help you to look out for the triggers, etc.

    whyquit.com/whyquit/A_Sympt...

  • Oh well, Dave, it could happen to anyone. In fact, if I'd had cigarettes in the house or car for the last 4 months, I probably would have lit up 30 or 40 times. That's why at one point I was deliberately going out with no money at all, that's how close I was to caving.

    It's just a blip, and I'm sure the rules say you are allowed one blip, after all, if you wanted to be demoted to Day 1 again, you'd be going to whyquit.com :)

  • There are two typical modes of reply for this problem..

    No.1. There, there Dave. Mummy'll kiss it better and you shall have a story...

    No.2. Just what on earth were you thinking of, you'd nearly done 4 weeks and now you've gotta go back to the start, without passing go and not getting your £100....

    I'm sure many will go down option 1 for you..

    I'm taking option 2. Just what on earth were you............

    Did you forget point 37..?

    Frankly i'm getting a bit tired of getting this one out...

    37. No Legitimate Excuse for Relapse - Recognize that smoking nicotine cannot solve any crisis. Fully accept the fact that there is absolutely no legitimate excuse for relapse, including an auto accident, financial crisis, the end of a relationship, job loss, a terrorist attack, a hurricane, the birth of a baby, or the eventual inevitable death of those we love most. Picture yourself not smoking through each and every step needed to overcome the most difficult challenge your mind can possibly imagine.

    Hopefully you're now reasonably ashamed of yourself and fully realize that the fag didn't solve / help in the slightest. Indeed, having now let the whole side down you've possibly exacerbated the stress / grief / hassle you were experiencing to boot.

    I'm sure whyquit.com has a long list of penances that you must now endure by way of atonement.

    This forum is less strict but parading your mankini may well be part of the settlement package.

    Whatever you do, and NO joking aside, do not treat this as an excuse to extend your blip for a day / week / month.

    4 puffs is 4 too many.

    Get your head down and read harder / quit better...ok..? :o

  • Sod those few drags Dave. Carry on as before if you're not gonna be smoking anymore cigs. I'm sure in time to come you will be able to live with this blip. What does it matter in the grand scheme of things anyway? Its not like you're going to do it again, are you? It was just a one off wasn't it???? :)

    Do what feels best for you.

  • As an afterthought....

    well done..! You didn't have to confess.

    I know of another forum where blips are allowed so maybe you're still nearly 4 weeks quit..?

    :D

  • *runs away from thread as Austin is skeery*

    :o

  • mmmmm methinks u had 4 puffs - have u bought any more??? feck it you tried it u didnt like it - dont do it again. If a non had 4 puffs u wouldnt call them a smoker would you?

    says she who has the odd puff when very piddled :eek:

  • Hi Dave

    Sorry to hear what happened, but get back on the wagon immediately.

    Dont worry about it, it'll only make it worse. Just climb back on and keep going.

  • Hi Dave

    What's a few puffs for the rest of your life?

    You've done well so far, so quit kicking yourself in the b*lls and get back where you were, you would probably catch more chemicals walking out of my bus station lol :)

  • Dave,

    It's all been said, hasn't it?

    You know you shouldn't have done it

    You didn't like it

    You won't do it again

    OK, sorted, enjoy the rest of your life as an ex (non?) smoker :D

    (((Hugs))) There, there, Granny B kissed it all better :p

  • Well I say you know yourself it was a blip and your angry at yourself without us all having a go, its probably reinforced even more how much you want to quit so carry on, dont go back to day 1 and dont punish yourself too much, your only human. A lot of people have blips and even though its not right when I had a blip it deff reinforced it all for me. Good luck with carrying on quitting.

  • If you're a whyquit reader and you've accepted point 37 then you have your answer.

    One puff and all bets are off, you're back in day one with the kids with runny noses.

    Personally i hate this nonsense (i'll add it to Maddy's rant list) because so many of you are counting away from some distant event that is totally meaningless. It's no use having a party to celebrate 12 months smoke free and then get too pi55ed and smoke a fag....

    I don't CARE if the NHS give you a non-smoking certificate after 4 weeks, that's just because they're obviously a bunch of ba5tards...

    There are 2 things that need to be understood today,

    firstly, it is NOT acceptable to smoke in this forum, whether it's a puff a week or a puff a year.

    secondly, don't smoke today and don't smoke tomorrow. Sorted..!

    The moving in and out of rooms is logical but not strictly correct. Many quitters of a month can have much stronger resolve and be more supportive of those at 3 months, everyone is different.

    Because of the structure of the forum the only penalty that can be applied then is peer pressure to declare yourself "back at the start"

    The important message is not to pigeon-hole you in a room as some weird penalty but to ensure that you understand that relapse is not acceptable.

    Each and every one of us needs to know that. We need to understand and accept that we too would be treated in the same manner.

    No disrespect to Tille above but luck doesn't come into the process of quitting. It is not a game of chance i'm afraid though the dice can be loaded.

  • Dave, I can completely understand how you are feeling.

    Because the exact same has just happened to me!

    I quit 3 days ago cold turkey and felt great! I look in my drawer and what do I find? A nice big pack of Tobacco and my rolling tin and I couldn't help myself.

    Alot of shitty things happened tonight and to be honest, this has just made it worse :(

    Don't worry, just go back to it tomorrow and forget it even happened! Thats what I am doing.

    Good luck :D

  • I've decided to reset my quit date. After reading the stuff from the links posted here I feel well and truly told off and although I don't see myself as a smoker again, I feel that it would be giving the wrong impression to people if I carried on.

    I've learnt a lesson too - if you get too complacent, you will get a VERY nasty bite on the arse!!!

    Tomorrow is a new day, and a new quit!

  • Ok Dave. So long as that is your decision. None of us on here can tell you what to do (DON'T GO BACK TO DAY ONE!!), we can only advise (NO GOING BACK TO DAY ONE!!!)

    :p:D

    Seriously, whatever you do, its cool. Anyway, in the grand scheme of things who the hell cares WHAT room we post from? We're all quit :D

  • Dave,

    It is totally up to you what virtual room you take up residence in, but don't beat yourself up over 4 lousy puffs. :rolleyes:

    Get back to it, and treat it as a learning curve.....and don't let it happen again ok! :p

  • Yeah, what Barbara said :D

    Edit: If I appear to be following Barb around the forum I'm not deliberately doing so lol

  • Yeah, what Barbara said :D

    Edit: If I appear to be following Barb around the forum I'm not deliberately doing so lol

    ......or checking on my piggy eating habits ????;)

  • Hi Dave

    I know exactly how you feel, I myself have had two puffs during my quit and each time I feel so bloddy ashamed, useless, lack of will power, disgusted etc etc, the list is endless but I am still here quitting this powerful drug, it doesn't matter what room you are in, you are still a quitter, like me.....

    Good Luck with the rest of your quit, keep posting...

  • We still luv ya Dave :)

  • Alot of shitty things happened tonight and to be honest, this has just made it worse :(

    It always does. Or, at least it 'appears' it always does, when it in fact it changes nothing at all. We know this to be true, sometimes we're looking for that excuse, and anything will do!

    A shitty situation is a shitty situation. Have a smoke and it gets even worse, not better.

    Hang in there, as you say go back to it and dont smoke again. Simple :p

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