OK. So, I woke-up this morning at 6 a.m. Pretty much straight away, I wanted a cigarette. No surprise there; for the last 20 years or so, this has always been the very first thing I looked forward to when opening my eyes. I made myself a cup of green tea and sipped away at that instead. Then I fired-up the lap-top and read the news. I took a shower next, visited the bathroom, brushed my teeth, then went back downstairs. I got dressed, and made sure I had everthing everything ready for work. I had about 30 minites to kill before leaving the house and walking to the bus stop. Normally, I'd be in a rush. But this morning, I'd managed to get everything done without having to sit down and smoke several times. I would probably have smoked at least three cigarettes by now. Maybe four. And at least other one while waiting for the bus.
On the bus, I was wondering what it was going to be like. My first day at work smoke-free! My God, was I really going to do this?!
The bus stopped in town, and I got off -- passing by the newsagents where I'd very often top-up my nicotine supply -- and on towards the office -- minus a cigarette in hand. I stopped outside the office, where I'd normally light-up yet another stick, and started munching away on an apple I'd grabbed before I left home.
Between waking-up and getting to my desk I would normally have smoked around seven -- yes, seven! -- super-kingsize cigarettes.
By the start of my shift, I didn't suffer too much from any cravings -- I'd used my nicotine mouthspray to help quash them befor I left home.
The next ten hours were quite the adventure. The strangest thing was finding something to do on my first break -- for ALL of my working life, breaks were MADE for smoking. What else can you do in just fifteen minites of free time? It was so odd. I couldn't think of anything, so I went for a brief stroll and watched the clock. I watched and watched as those precious seconds of smoking time ticked away. This was quite difficult. But not as bad as I thought it would be. Then is was over. Back to work. Phew.
Then it started. The depression. Deep and dark. Getting deeper and darker. I wasn't craving, or if I was, I didn't notice it so much under the awful cloud. Then I'd get the odd strong craving here on then. Sprayed, again and quashed them. Then it was dinner time.
I still felt quit dreadful over lunch, but the cravings weren't too bad. Then the oddest thing happened. Before my last break, at around 4 p.m. I started to feel unexplainably jolly. I was in a really good mood. And I had no control over this whatsoever. And I felt as though my I'd smoked a cigarette. Odd, I know, but it's the only way I can describe it. No craving. None. And a complete mood-swing. And this lasted until the end of my working day. I even spent my last break sitting and chatting with a colleage without the slightest thought of needing a smoke. How utterly bizarre!
During lunch and break times, I'd normally have smoked another seven cigarettes. I would have smoked another one walking to the bus stop, another while waiting for the bus -- perhaps several if the bus was late -- and another one while walking home. Then I'd sit down and pretty much smoke until bedtime. But not today. It's now 9 p.m. And I'm doing fine. No real cravings to speek of really -- just the odd 'jolt' here or there; the odd fancy. Nothing too terrible at all.
My first smoke-free day in a very, VERY long time. I did it! I -- DID -- IT!
I was expecting to have an urge to smoke consistantly throughout the day. I was expecting these urges to increase at some points to unbearable levels, but then return to a constant nagging. I was expecting this cycle to repeat over and over again. In short, I was expecting hell. But it wasn't. It wasn't that hard at all.
Instead, I had my share of cravings, only one or two of them were quite strong. But I had long periods with no cravings at all. An I really wasn't expecting it to be like that. I was heavy smoker, and it doesn't make sense. Any thoughts? And thoughs mood-swings -- what the heck were they all about?!
Well, tomorrow is a new day. Perhaps it'll start to get harder from now on? Let's see how it goes. Today, however, is a done deal.