Well after 5 weeks of not smoking I am by now aware of my internal triggers, I won't list them as we all have mostly the same ones. But what I was not aware of is just how fragile I still am if someone upsets me or does me an injustice, and I have had a serious wake-up call in the last couple of days, and it left me really shaken. Looking back at it the incident seems a bit petty, but this is what happened. The other night I went out to top up my electricity key as I have one of those pre-payment meters. I paid with my debit card and the transaction went through.
But then the cashier said she had rung it up on the PayPoint machine as cash by mistake and so she was going to refund my card, and she said I had to draw money out of the cash machine and give it to her. Which would have been all very well, but when I checked my balance, the refund had not gone through, a debit had been made,and as far as I was concerned I had paid for my electricity and more!! So I refused to withdraw money,
cos I thought she was on the fiddle as you do in these days of debit card fraud, and so it all turned into a bit of a ding-dong. I made a grab for the key, she said if I left the shop with the key they would process it further although when questioned she couldn't explain what 'processing it further' meant. I now see this as threatening behaviour, after all,
she was the one who pressed the wrong button!! I said I wanted to go home and check my online balance so she said I had to be back by 7pm with the money. The refund still wasn't there but I gave her the money anyway. The next day the refund still wasn't in my account so I went to the bank and the lady in there said I shouldn't have given the cash as it was the cashiers
error and not mine. So back to the shop, another ding-dong this time involving the manager and a call to their head office, who shamelessly blamed everything on the PayPoint machine and told me it could take up to ten working days for me to get my money back huh???? I have
very little money at the moment and tend to live from hand to mouth, which is why I was so upset, but I still had enough for 10 cigs and boy was it close!! I was so angry, partly from the disgusting customer service, and also because I was mad at myself for letting someone walk all over me when I had done nothing wrong!! How I didn't smoke yesterday I really do not know, cos I was beyond rational thought, craving as though I was back in Day 1, and inconsolable. I woke up this morning, and even though the money was finally back in my account I still felt as though I had been hit by a truck and felt physically and mentally drained. I still haven't eaten today
either, but will rectify that soon bigtime!! And no, I didn't smoke. But it was the closest I have been for quite a while now. So please, everyone, no matter what anyone does to you or how much they hurt you don't let it do to you what it did to me!! It's not worth it. We have all come so far. Sorry for the length of this post, and sorry if it sounds stupid, but I had to
get it off my chest, know what I mean??