Help

I need some advice!

Through out my quit both my wife and her mom have smoked.

My thoughts were that i wanted to do thius cold turkey whilst facing ALL the temptation in the world!

I have now proved to myself that i can handle people smoking around me, but a new problem has arisen - IT STINKS !! it is realt starting to bug the Sh!T out of me.

Am i being selfish if I ask them not to smoke in the house ? the last thing i want to do is sound "Holier than thou"

You thought and advice will be appreciated

10 Replies

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  • I'm just recalling 2 yrs ago when my OH gave up and I didn't. He asked me not to smoke in his car. Vaguely remember telling him to f*** off and stating that half the car was mine and I was smoking in my half :eek:

    Pip

  • Oh dear, Gary - I think you have a problem here.... Don't forget - when it comes to smoking, smokers are downright unreasonable, no matter how saintly they may be in other areas of their lives. This is a fact.

    On our last quit, I was the one who buckled first. Initially, I hid this from my husband, but it didn't take him that long to work out what was happening. Once my smoking was out in the open, then I started to smoke at home again. Like you, he found the smell intolerable. And like Pip, I defended my right to smoke in a fairly short, sharp way. It was very tense for a while. I would get angry with him when he pulled the neck of his tee shirt up over his nose like a mask - because he was making me feel uncomfortable! We never resolved this issue. In the end, he went back to smoking as well.

    Interestingly, I am currently beginning to suspect that he has started having an occassional sneaky one. I have deliberately chosen not to investigate or confront, in order to avoid a reversal of our joint downfall last time. The way I see it, if he is closet smoking, he will consume less than if it is in the open, and it saves us both the potential for many a tense hour in the house....

    Sorry - this doesn't really help you much. You do have my sympathy though, and I hope that you are able to find a way to deal with this.

  • Hi Gary

    Joined today. My thoughts are my son and husband both smoke. My husband stopped smoking for 18 months and my son for 4 months. The only person who was still smoking, me.

    Now I have quit they are still smoking. :confused: My last cigarette was 19th September.

    We set the no smoking in the house, rule, when we were all smoking. This was to help us all cut down. OK in the summer but those cold nights are setting in and the lousy weather. They are still banished.

    Perhaps though instead of not in the house, you could make a not in the living room or bedroom rule. I don't think it is unreasonable to ask that these communal areas remain smoke free.

  • Hi Gary,

    I don't think it would be unreasonable for you to ask your wife and Mom not to smoke in the house, many people have this rule for the smokers in the family. And surely they respect what you are doing and want to be supportive? After all, they know the difficulties of stopping smoking, or they would be quitting themselves. I wasn't allowed to smoke in my Mom's house for years, which was a pain but she couldn't stand the smell anymore so I had to respect her wishes. And when my Dad was ill I didn't want to anyway because he had already stopped and I didn't want to give him a craving. So if you ask them nicely they might not like it, but hopefully they will do it when you explain how you feel. Good luck on that one, I know its hard:confused:

    Zoe

  • Oh dear I really feel for you on this one, to be honest I couldn't stand the smell in the house when I did smoke so I always went outside to smoke. If I did have the odd one in the house it always bothered me more then next morning than it did hubby who gave up 25 years ago.

    Back to your problem though, if you explained that you are finding it hard now you have given up and maybe put the slant on that you could be tempted to start again rather than the fact that it stinks lol (may get you more sympathy). Would it be unreasonable for them to confine their smoking to outside or if not maybe one room in the house which you could then avoid.

    Very tricky one but really hope you get it sorted, you're doing well so keep up the good work:)

  • Understand ur plight here...my oh still smoking and although he does so only in the kitchen ( something i insisted on when we both smoked) the stink travels and it bugs me!...however i went in the wrong way intially all guns blazing lol and yes sounded like the ex smoker i used to hate!!...anyway now i just shut the door and open a window if its really bugging me...i dont think its unreasobable for you to suggest a smoking room in the house if they are adverse to ourside..but totally agree with other comment smokers are unreasonable..lol...tred gently gently and hopefully u will all reach a half way

  • I am so lucky @ 11:00 am this morning my wife quit smoking

    woo hoo

  • great news Gary, you must be so relieved not to have to confront the issue of smoking in the house. Following Gail on her post and wish her the best of luck:)

  • How is your wife getting on Gary? I do hope she is sticking at it. It will help you immensely.

    I can completely sympathise with what you were saying though. My husband and I smoked when we met. It was part of who we were and what we did together, and now my half of that is over. I think we both feel a sense of loss (although I get to feel all the benefits too :)). And to boot, I too can no longer stand the smell. It actually deters me from getting too close a lot of the time.

    Don't know what the answer is! I can only hope my hubby takes a leaf out of your wife's book ;)

  • I have tried to stop smoking several times over the past five years and know exactly how you are feeling, My partner has continued to smoke everytime I try and quit.

    I think you have every right to ask them to smoke outside, I asked my partner to do this and as he sees it as his way of supporting me he hasnt smoked in the house for the last 4 years. :o

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