:mad:got through day one but not smoke free on day 2 now its day 3 im wearing a patch but am sure im going to cave in. my heads in bits feel disappointed at myself for starting again after doing sso well for 6 wks , i remember finding it quite easy and really thought smoking was out of my life. i know the reson i started was justifiable[ actually no reason is good enough] but now i feel more hopelessly trapped in smoking again and am starting to beleive i just cant do it its too hard, its not the right time, when is the right time, if not now when? im getting cravings now that tell me just smoke today, then quit tomorrow . not sure i want to quit ,but is that just a craving dressed up in that way . to smoke i know is the easy option and one WILL become 20-30 one after the other, and all the while i will beat myself up and wish i hadnt chosen too. if i buy some i will have to smoke them all so i can get rid of them in order too stop again which is clearly barking mad, thats what iv done in the past , its what i did yesterday, i dont want to do that today but i might in order to sabotage myself rather than quit then cave in just to arrive exactly where i am now. will let you know later...
Mashx
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:)Thanks teacup{wot a lovely name] just read your post it made me laugh when you said it was raining you couldnt be bothered going to the shop, thats just what happened to me after i wrote my post. my intention was to go to shops and buy them and smoke em but i really couldnt be bothered. im so glad now that i didnt otherwise i'd now be chainsmoking and im so happy not to be doing that. 10 mins after writing my post I realized that the act of doing that had somehow helped in getting me to think about what my smoking/quitting pattern is like. Telling myself i dont want to stop smoking isnt me its the nicotine addict.. Thank you so much for reminding me that the right time is NOW. and yes thank god for the rain.. Mashx
how do i find my old posts id love to read through them just to be reminded of that fantastic 6wk journey. i didnt write in my journal . too busy on this forum it was and is great.
Honestly it was pouring with rain. Had last ciggie -in my PJ's with a cup of tea about 10am ish on a Saturday morning!! Searched house for more -alas none to be found. I was going frantic!!!
Going to shops meant having a shower & washing hair -I looked a wreck!! getting dressed, and then getting soaked in rain. For what!!! Was I really that desperate or could I see if I could last till lunch time. Well 45 days on and I'm doing OK!! Not easy at times but getting there.
Oh Mash, I really feel for you. You've been through such a nightmare it's no surprise you smoked. And once you're back in that prison cell it's hard to summon up the courage to dig your way out again. But I'll quote someone who I think summed it up brilliantly. That person? YOU!:
"...Yes i failed a few times but for me the trick is not stay with the fail cos as soon as your in it you know you dont want to be there, You dont have to stay, you owe it nothing, you dont have to be polite with it and put up with its boring ,predictable company. Its like leaving an abusive relationship, crap job,worn out underwear,fingernail clippings,bad haircuts,thrown up kebabs,apple cores. its not about giving up ,that implies sacrifice. its no sacrifice. its something thats reached the end of its season. Its not a sacrifice ,its just change and wanting something better"
I've always remembered that post, which is why I was able to track it down.
You can do this. Because you know it's worth the pain.
HELSBELLES trust you to come up with THAT stroke of genius. I knew there was a reason I didnt want to remain a smoker. its not a sacrifice at all its change and wanting something better. Thank you so much for reminding me that I already know what to do and why im doing it..I thought nothing could knock me off track not even the unexpected. it just shows how cunning this addiction is. First opportunity and it pounces it was never gone but asleep in the undergrowth one eye always open:eek: waiting for its dinner crocodiles can do that, do without for ages, sink into the mud then pounce.:eek: funny i'v always had a fear of being eaten by a croc now i know why.
hey Karri thanks for your support too, went through my old posts it was great to be reminded of where and how it was and how it can be again. feeling ready for the next wave .onwards and upwards.
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i am now a non-smoker (again)
I am not happy as a non smoker
