Day 11 not smoking and I have bought a packet of cigerettes, (not had one yet but I know I will) ! Feel really disappointed in myself even buying them let alone anything else but I don't feel happy at all. The pressure is getting to me and it is like someone catching you with your hand in the cookie jar and giving you a telling off. After gaining 5lbs in my first 9 days, I feel sooooooooooooo sluggish and fat and my jeans are tight. Seriously I cannot believe I am this bloated.
You have to be happy within yourself in what your doing and I just feel that I am not willing to let myself get any bigger in this quitting process. I would end up a really unhappy fat non smoker, and then I would still be unhappy so where is the point in this, (apart from obvious health reasons of course which i am so clued up on now). I still think I need to approach this in another way, Ie obviously not substituting food for ciggies would be a good start, and not to let myself get that bored at night that it is all I think about.
Anyway I have proven to myself that I actually do NOT need a cigerette 25 times a day at all, and I actually can go longer than 20 mins for a ciggie as well. It has really opened my eyes to alot of things in what my habit makes me do.
If I dont smoke it will be a mirracle since I actually have got them in the house now, (I am banning myself from smoking inside the house though because I have enjoyed having a smoke free home) I just think it is like when your told NOT to do something your more likely to rebel and do it. its definately all in the mind !
I am letting myself down after doing so well but we are only here once and to put this amount of pressure on ourselves is hard as well.
Well that is my disappointing update for the day.