determined but sick of failing

i ma going to stop smoking tomorrow but i have lost count of the number of attempts to date. tried everyhting but champix and would not use it as am too skinny and just know it would make me ill. However, have some patches left from last attempt so will try with these. Never signed up to a forum before so am hoping this will help. went to a cessation class last year and it worked until it finished!! fell off wagon soon after. I think there should be smokers annonymous groups to aid success in staying quit. I know it would help me. Am stopping because do not want smoking -related disease. I actually love smoking and find it helps me to relax. This is one love affair I have to finish as it is killing me and my bank balance. Also I hate the control my lover exerts over me, akin to emotional abuse. Surely not a healthy relationship? Anyway would appreciate support from successful (or not) fellow quitters as I am feeling nervous and irritable already!! thanks in advance

20 Replies

  • Hi Rachel :D

    Welcome to the forum and well done on the decision to quit possibly one of the most important you will ever make and you will be losing nothing but you will regain control of your life and that has to be good

    You will find all the help and support you need on here as we all help each other just like a family we are here for you every step of the way cheering the good days and sympathiseing with the bad but the good far outweigh the bad

    Read the posts on here you will find a lot of tips and advice and in the signatures of a lot you will find links to other sites just click on them Here are 2 I find very good to start you off and Read, read and then read some more as the more you read and learn about why you smoked and about your addiction the easier your quit will be

    Post often to let us know how you're doing, to rant, rave have a moan whatever you like pretty much anything goes on here OK

    Best Wishes

    Marg xxxxxxx

  • I think there should be smokers annonymous groups to aid success in staying quit. I know it would help me.

    Try starting one up then.

  • Hi Rachel,

    welcome to the forum..... if you are looking for support you'll find it here. I just posted a link ( and maybe you could benefit from it? Let me know what you think :)

    Of course you know that being in an emotional abusive relationship will surely add to you feeling nervous and irritable..... quitting smoking is 'easiest' when you have a positive attitude about the process.... it will get you through the tough times easier. I would recommend being away from negative influences but that's easier said then done..... good luck to you.

  • Hi Rachel. Welcome to the forum & well done on your decision to quit. You say you are sick of failing? Most of us here, me included have tried to quit more times than we care to remember I should think. What we probably have all realised is that you have got to want to do it for yourself & that you WILL do it if the time is right. Sometimes they only way to know if it is 'that time' is to try. Hope this makes sense, I know what I am trying to say LOL. I persoally have tried, tried & tried again. This time IS MY TIME. I can say that I have beaten it this time & I will never smoke again. For me lighting that one fag would be like signing my own death sentence. Sounds OTT, beleive me it's not. If you want to dot it this time you will find all the support you need on here to help you through. Good luck, we are all there with you. Love. gaynor x

  • hi racheal,

    i too couldn,t count the amount of times i have tried to quit the killer weed.

    why is this time different.

    i came here,i read,and read,found out all i could,about this addiction.

    i too have a topsy turvy life,which always kept me smoking.

    i now reolize ,i have to do this for myself,to look after myself first and formost

    you will find wonderful support here.

    i am much stronger in this quit ,than i have ever is doable.

    doey x

  • The thing is we have all probably been some very s**t things in our lives. Some more than others, but a fag would & never will make a difference or solve anything. If anything I think it actually adds to the stress as in I am stressed, need a fag, can't have one, have one, when can I have the next.... What do you think?



  • thanks all

    hi, thanks for the tips and support, I feel more confident now cos of positive comments. I like to be frank and to the person that was a bit curt re smoking annonymous idea I say "chill out". Your tone was enough to have me reaching for a fag!To othe others who are of a much more sympathetic nature I am really grateful. Kicking an addicition is a very lonely thing and it really helps that others have / are going thru the same ups and downs. Re my abusive relationship, I think I explained myself badly, I was referring to my relationship with the ciggie.The fags control me therefore I was likening it to an unhealthy relationship. If you get my drift!

    Anyway, I aint no doormat so .... I hope to get the upper hand. It is true that it has to be the right time, but , in my experience, there is always an excuse not to. Basically these are just excuses , no matter how good (bereavement etc). Anything to fill a particular void. My only worry is that one addiction is easily replaced by another. Hopefully I can find a healthy one!!

    So thanks again for all the advice , truly appreciated. I'll let you know how it goes. Fingers crossed

  • Hi Rachel and welcome to the forum, we are all very friendly and helpful.....honest :)

    I found writing down all the negative things about why I smoked helped and writing down all the reason why I wanted to stop also helped, when I'm having a bad craving I read the stuff I wrote down, coming on here and reading others post is a great incentive it really really helps to know that everyone on hear is or has gone through the same. keep it up big hugs xx

  • Hi Rachel,

    Congratulations on your decision and welcome to the forums!

    Having made many attempts to stop smoking I beleive I have

    finally found a great solution - it is very simple too :cool:

    Reading and listening to "allen carrs easy way to stop

    smoking" put me in a positive mindset to quit.

    Then, whenever I feel like a cigarrette, I come to these

    forums or the real world to find other willing to stop

    smokers to see if I can help and share how i have found


    similar to how alcoholics & drug addicts can stay

    recovered by helping each other to a solution

    That's it.

    it works for me

    I LOVE being a non-smoker :)

    Good luck & all the best


  • so far so bad

    hi, thanks again for the encouraging messages - all sound advice. I have not smoked today but luckily I was working so it was O.K Am using a patch. However, I did nearly attack the printer in the office as it was playing up. Managed to control myself, took a deep breath and actaully fixed the problem. No fags either! tonite, was going out, but too scared to just in case as know I will crack. so staying in, which is fine. Feel O.K but a little bit deprived. Sorry, Allen carr, your "yippee I am a non smoker" line never appealed to me. But I agree with the general idea. Sounds like I am not being positive, but I am really, just fighting the monster who keeps taunting me and feel very weird. To be expected I know but it isn's my ideal saturday nite. It will be worth it if I can get thru this without committing a serious crime and get incarcerated. There's no way I'd give up then!! Must do the dishes now, my house will be gleaming as I can't bear sitting down without my faithful friends (who also stopped me from doing so many things, especially cleaning!)

    I must find a life after cigarettes - I never realised how much time I wasted smoking!

    Onwards and upwards! But please stay out of my way if you see me as I cannot be held responsible for my actions!! O.K I know that would not stand up in court, but it should really.

    Cheers, and thnx for kind words x

  • Hi Rachel :D

    Great post and well done you on the quit so far

    Sorry but must admit to a bit of a giggle at the thought of you almost attacking the printer in the office

    I threaten my PC with the nearest available window when it misbehaves :D

    Try not to think that you're being deprived of anything, you're really not in fact you are retaking control of your life and that can only be good

    I have taken note of your advice not to get in your way, so will cross the road if I see you :D :D


    Marg xxxxxxxxxx

  • Brilliant post Rachel, if you can make fun of the bad times like that you'll be ok love. David

  • Hi Rachel, Well done you for not smoking & no GBH against any in-animate object LOL. I myself in the past have 'beaten up' a poor defensive machine or something when 'I lost it' :( Thankfully have managed to stay calm & serene (well almost)this time :D Keep it up. Love. gaynor xx

  • Failed yet again!!!

    Hi, just wanted to say thanks for your messages of support. I did really well the first day. However, woke up this morning and realised I had dreamt of smoking. Not good. Was going to go out and buy the papers but worried that I would also buy fags, so kept delaying going out. Decided to continue with cleaning of house and took the mirror off the mantlepiece to dust it only to discover a packet of Italian cigarettes lurking behind it. An emergency stash from my last trip to Italy that I had forgotten about. I really tried to fight the urge, but then got so bored with wasting so much energy on my inner struggle that I gave into temptation. Smoked one and felt relieved but hated myself. Obviously the others have since been smoked and I have had to buy more supplies. What can I say? Been there before, but this time I thought I knew all the pitfalls and how to avoid them. Guess I am just weak. So apologies for wasting your time but I am going to have to have a rethink.

    I always feel this way at the beginning of a quit. Happy at first and quite strong and then the doubts creep in and I feel like I am literally walking the plank, getting further away from my trusty source of comfort. When I have that first ciggy, I feel like I have been pulled back from the edge of a precipice. It's like I am a dingy adrift in the Atlantic with no sign of land. I know smoking is not the answer but it is like a lighthouse in the storm. And everything is o.K in my life, so I have no excuse to be so pathetic. that is how addictive these beasts are and I feel that they will always win the battle. Well, the battle may be lost, but the war ain't over. I will try again on Wednesday (seems like a good day) as I am too down about my failure to even contemplate starting again tomorrow.

    I actually stopped for 8 years until 3 years ago when , due to extreme circumstances, I started again, thinking it was a mere phase to get me thru hard times. It seems I am more addicted than ever!!

    But I won't give up on giving up and this is largely due to you guys who are so helpful, kind and understanding. Maybe I should try the champix. It seems to do the trick in tricking the brain into not needing a fag. Sounds too good to be true. But I really and truly want to give this evil habit up and will continue the fight. Whatever it takes!!

    Thanks so much again and well done to all of you.

    Keep going, you are an inspiration!

    Rachel xox

  • Guess I am just weak. So apologies for wasting your time but I am going to have to have a rethink.

    You are most definitely not weak and you most certainly did not waste our time...... keep reading and learning about your addiction..... some people get hypnotized in one hypnosis session or reading Allen Carr's book.... but most need time and repetition of facts to switch those mental thoughts about smoking..... I think that is the biggest part of a quit..... realize you are not losing anything but gaining instead of feeling deprived. I learned this lesson by coming on here each and every day, for me it didn't just happen.... I had to read, read, and read it again before it finally stuck..... there is nothing to miss and everything to gain. Good luck on Wednesday... we'll be here for you ;)

  • Well, the battle may be lost, but the war ain't over. I will try again on Wednesday (seems like a good day) as I am too down about my failure to even contemplate starting again tomorrow.

    Sorry for the give in, don't want to call it failure.

    Wednesday you think is a good day, as you wish, I'll give it another go on Wednesday as well. The only difference will be that you'll make it unlike.... I've tried several times since I first showed up on this forum and failed, that I don't post doesn't mean that I don't read it. I'm also in the caring hands of a poster here behind the doors. Still, I don't know what's wrong with me. I still think the last time was too easy and I'm mentally not prepared for a fight quite yet.

    Rachel, all the best for Wednesday.:)

  • Hi Rachel,

    I'm sorry you didn't succeed this time, I believe in the saying never give up, on giving up. Your not weak you have been honest and I think that can be hard so well done for owning up. Now you have made your mind up to stop smoking on Wednesday and read as much as you can about your addiction and then it will help you understand why you smoke and help you to stop smoking. I do not like the term quit as you are not quitting anything you are choosing to stop smoking and you will gain so much, better health, energy more money and not smelling like a ashtray. Just a few of the things you gain and there is more. You will find the best way to help you stop and Champax might be it, that nicotine monster does like to play with our heads when it is being deprived of it's fix.

    I wish you luck with your stopping smoking on Wednesday keep us posted. Keep reading and getting as much knowledge as you can, and use this forum as much as you can.




  • Hi Rachel :)

    Sorry you had a blip this time but good luck for Wednesday you know you can do it

    Don't worry about past failures, rather learn from them what mistakes you made so that you can avoid them next time

    The only time you'll have truly failed is if you give up trying at all

    I also had many failures behind me as did many of us on here, but this time it clicked for me


    Marg xxxxxxxxx

    Hi Bioxx :D

    Good to see you on here again, so you're going to give it another go on Wednesday as well

    I'm glad to hear that even if you don't post you still read on here, just keep on trying and one day it will click for you as it did for me


    Marg xxxxxxxxx

  • Hi Bioxx :D

    Good to see you on here again, so you're going to give it another go on Wednesday as well

    Marg xxxxxxxxx

    Yeah, but remember I didn't tell you that and you haven't read it here :D:D:D

  • Hi Bioxx :D

    OK got it

    I'll just keep it under my hat then, oh lordy where did I put that hat :D :D

    Have to go and hunt it up now


    Marg xxxxxxxx

You may also like...