Week 4 - Lost today!

Day 22..... and not feeling like my postive ol' self. Actually, I keep thinking my reasons for quitting are less important to me now... and I'm thinking I should just light up - - For me the start of this week 4 is difficult.. I am VERY moody and I am driving my boyfriend up the wall (he still smokes)...

I don't know if it's because of the no smoking (cold turkey) or if all these feelings have just been so repressed... But, I am thinking I need to change my life around.... leave my boyfriend and quit my job - change my life again -- I am seeing faults in everything and everyone (when I usually see the bright side) .... The other day at work I got so edgy that I actually through some paper work across the room and said that I quit (luckily I have an understanding boss!)... I get angry at the silliest things... and it's mostly in my mind.. then as soon as I talk outloud to someone I'm usually happy... (maybe I need to see a shrink instead)

I seriously don't know if I can take these small mental breakdowns anymore... for me, this journey is the most difficult now...

Maybe, I've always been this way.. and the cigarettes just made me a lot more chilled.... who knows...

Anyway... I will not have one... I don't really want one.. I just want to feel normal again ... or, maybe since I started smoking I've never been normal...

6 Replies

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  • Hi Sylvia

    You are doing great.

    Keep a diary of when you get angry, and read some more, you are not the only one who has experienced this.

    It is worth it and it does get easier. This is also nicodemon's way of getting you back, if he makes it so difficult for you to stay quit you'll give in and feed him what he wants most, more nicotine.

    Maybe treat yourself this weekend to a nice long steam and a massage, a huge fruit salad and lots of water. Snuggle up with a book and just relax. Stop thinking, stop ****ysing and just pat yourself on the back for nearly being quit a month.

    M

  • Hi Sylvia, sorry to hear your feeling like this. I too went through a period where everthing was dark. I shouted at the kids, yelled at the OH and the dog felt like I was a bad person etc etc. Read the links there are explanations, keep going it does get better.

    The normal you will come out the other side of this a better, stronger and healthy you. Hang in there, read loads, post often and stay strong.

  • Hi Sylvia, I just had to reply to your post because, well, I relate to it so much, you are the same age as me and it's a funny age to quit coz I felt like maybe I still had some time to play with before smoking got a grip of my health! But in the end just had to quit because I shamefully put my cigarettes before everything else!

    Your reasons to quit will start to fade and the battle with your mind begins just like one of your previous posts says it is like schizophrenia! and you just have to fight it as it really does get easier (trust me) drive your boyfriend up the wall all you like, he is still smoking so I'm sure when you get too much for him he can go and spark up!

    You mentioning repressed feelings reminds me of myself and I suggest you visit whyquit.com website and find the link about smoking and anger, it literally saved my ass, I realised that all the moods, petty squabbles, telling off my neighbours and friends was not me being a complete b***h but I had actually been harbouring those feelings so long and it felt good to have the courage to get them out, when you smoke you suppress them feelings!

    Changing your life around will be good, kind of like the 'new you' but dont dump the BF or the job just yet, take some time for you and adjust to how life will be without your crutch and then you can decide later on when things will definitely become clearer!

    Small mental breakdowns are all quite normal Sylvia, just ride with them, I am almost 5 months quit cold turkey and it has been damn awful at times and I never thought I could do it but now I am almost at the point of being able to say I am 'over it'. Just believe one thing..........quitting smoking makes you less stressed.....FACT......worlds biggest stress head I was but not any more!

    Just read read read and eat loads of snack a jacks, it worked for me :D

    Shelly XX

  • Hi Sylvia,

    I am sorry you are having a tough time at the moment. You have been given some good advice in your replies so won't repeat them but just wanted to say hang on to this quit. Think how long your life is then focus on the fact that 1 s****Y week (hopefully not longer) is nothing in the scheme of things.

    One thing I have started doing is writing a negative/positive list. I write the negative thought, feeling one side. Then write it's positive on the other & go with that. Not always easy but there is always a positive to find. I do them one at a time not let them build up all day. I find & maybe you do to that when there is so much going on in your head it becomes too hard to sepereate them & deal with them. Hence the feeling of going mad which is SO not nice.

    Anyway, I have rambled enough when I said I wouldn't, sorry.

    Keep your quit safe & nurture it like a child ;)

    G xx

  • Day 22..... and not feeling like my postive ol' self. Actually, I keep thinking my reasons for quitting are less important to me now... and I'm thinking I should just light up - - For me the start of this week 4 is difficult.. I am VERY moody and I am driving my boyfriend up the wall (he still smokes)...

    I don't know if it's because of the no smoking (cold turkey) or if all these feelings have just been so repressed... But, I am thinking I need to change my life around.... leave my boyfriend and quit my job - change my life again -- I am seeing faults in everything and everyone (when I usually see the bright side) .... The other day at work I got so edgy that I actually through some paper work across the room and said that I quit (luckily I have an understanding boss!)... I get angry at the silliest things... and it's mostly in my mind.. then as soon as I talk outloud to someone I'm usually happy... (maybe I need to see a shrink instead)

    I seriously don't know if I can take these small mental breakdowns anymore... for me, this journey is the most difficult now...

    Maybe, I've always been this way.. and the cigarettes just made me a lot more chilled.... who knows...

    Anyway... I will not have one... I don't really want one.. I just want to feel normal again ... or, maybe since I started smoking I've never been normal...

    hi sylvia

    we know its a big mind game this quit thing..I am not for a minute saying my quit is perfect, i dont think any of our quits are if were completely honest

    Just change all your bad thoughts into good ones ..And no way did smoking chill you out..You just think it did..just like I think it did ..a stupid nasty thought...and thats all....gone..

    You will feel normal again,....Your doing something that takes a lot to do ...stand up & feel good about it :)

    probably not helping your boyfriend still smoking,.....And thank god for a nice boss :D ...........

    Laugh at it sylvia....You can do it.....you dont need to change your life do you?

    good luck

  • Thank you

    Thank you all so much for your support.

    I am really at a loss for words at the moment - as I am just so grateful to all of you for your posts. This forum is a true support system and I can feel the love all the way over here in Central America.

    I can tell you that I already feel better from reading your posts. Seriously, I have lots of trapped feelings inside - I will have to read more about this, as I thought this sort of stuff (suppressed feelings) only happened when coming off harder drugs like opiates.

    Shellywinters: Luckily, I also have an understanding boyfriend - who has also quit in the past (once for 12 years)... last night when we talked about how I'm feeling he said he expects me to be this way for 6 months - and has already prepared himself for it!

    Bevyworks: Thank you for your reply. It is comforting to know that I can look forward to feeling normal again!

    MAH: I think I will take you up on treating myself this weekend as I will almost be celebrating a whole month! This damn Nicodemon is a strong little bugger - but, maybe - all of us together can get rid of him for good!

    Neverstoptrying: Thanks for the reminder to focus on the positives!

    Off to work.

    Thanks again everyone!

    Sylvia

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