Its been coming. I've felt the stirrings of the monster the last few days after the the discovery of husbands fall. Not his fault, not his responsibility to stay quit to help me quit. I know, I know, I tell myself that every day. And how good it is to be quit. And all the tips and hints. But here I sit. He is out at a 'do'. I am alone, doing good but feeling pretty shaky about not having one puff ever. Decide to do the washing. There in his jeans are 20 Malboro lights. Winking at me. I've had a look and a sniff. I'm tempted. I'm hoping this forum still works its old magic and will hold off till someone rescues me.

19 Replies

  • Oi, what you need is a Cavalier :)

    Get you with haste to the kitchen sink and run them thar poison sticks under the water. His own stupid fault for leaving them unattended. There has to be some reprecussions to him smoking again.

    Then get back onto the forum and report that the washing has been completed.

    Chop, chop, time like the present :)

  • Hi Fiona What can I say other than how bad will you feel tomoz or even tonight if you smoke or even have one little puff, how long is it since you smoked??? is it something you will die if you don’t have a drag, nah don’t think you will but can guarantee you will not feel good if you do smoke, how many times do you read Oh I wish I hadn’t smoked and then they spend days trying to quit again and sometimes they don’t succeed and you yourself have helped others get back on track haven’t you.

    Ok another way to look at it is you can smoke if you really really want to but you wouldn’t be asking for help if you wanted to would you so don’t, talk to me or any one xx

  • Thank you. Bloody hell, I thought it was supposed to be alright now! I took them across to a neighbour friend who has them in her possesion. (spelling? Where and how many s's?). Now they are out of the house I feel a bit better. And yes, posting before a smoke is better than smoking then feeling rubbish and posting so I must still want to be quit.

    But why has it caught me out guys? I am mrs strong. Is it spoilt petulant child syndrome (he's had one so why can't i)? Thats how it feels, which is stupid. I should be smug and glad its not me. It almost feels like my choice has been taken away. Money is tight. Only one of us could afford to smoke and he got first dibs! Its childish of me. But now I really cannot choose not to smoke. Bugger and bum. It'll be alright. Thank you cav and jam. I am going to hang around here with you guys for a while and play some choons and drink tea and eat chocolate if thats ok. x

  • Or you could come and help me with some gardening lists of plants to buy and care for.

    The questions you list for why are you feeling this now are all very strong valid reasons for wanting/craving right now Fi.

    I've picked up OH's (or is that OHs) baccy packet and sniffed and wondered and dreamed :rolleyes: and then I've put down with a thought of you 'weak willed bar-steward* and then also though at times *alright for some :rolleyes:*.

    You will not smoke from this but you could grow even stronger with your quit. It is your choice and OH smoking doesn't alter that. It can reinforce your not just one puff though.

    I'm going to be on and off tonight but whilst I eat and drink i will be safe in the knowledge that Fi will not be smoking :cool:

    I'll come back later and get an update.....


  • Fi! :eek::eek::eek:

    Listen, tomorrow you will wake and the crave will be forgotten...... temptation is such a crazy thing but why be tempted by something as shitty as smoking...... okay here I go: wrinkly skin, smelly, expensive, being enslaved, smelly, losing a one year plus quit, wrath of bellablue, smelly............. do I have to go on????

    Don't scare your quit buddy like that :(XXXXX

  • Jeez Fi, course it's okay for you to hang out....although I've kinda forgotten the concept :o

    Blipping is doesn't add anything positive and one feels just that shite. I know why I have blipped in the past. Nothing was sorted by doing that and I felt crap. Now I've put escape clauses into my life and have tested them to a certain extent. But the reason to blip remains...although I'm addressing that too.

    Okay, that's me. I don't know why you are tempted but can easily imagine all the reasons you've outlined would be plausible. What you need to do is realise what it is for you and accept that before you can comfortably move forward.

    By the way, should I include a link to a Babel-fish to help with understanding? :)

  • Oh Pol. A list. Of course! Tell me how you'd like it setting out. Landscape or portrait. Little lines to write along or little margins to write in? Plain paper (but then the lines go all slanty) or fine blue lined. Filled it with a lovely mid soft pencil or a harsh bic pen?

    Bells - Smelly. Thats it. I can't go back to smelly. I'd be devastated if you though of me as smelly and also scared of your wrath. I am officially chastened (correct word cav?)

    Babel fish? I had to google the feckin thing to work out what it was!!

    Hungry - 400g dairy milk bar consumed - check.

    Angry - calmed self down by adding to list of holiday items and posting on here - check.

    Lonely - not anymore thank you lovely people - check.

    Tired - off to bed soonto read super new book and then sleep - check.

    Thanks chrissie, i'm afraid i'd never get back on track again so i can't fall off.

    The system works. Its been over a year I reckon since i've needed an emergency post. The cravings are down and logic is sitting above the demon instead of below it. The fags are out of the house. I'd be devastated if I blipped and my illness would become much worse to manage.

    Thank you all again. xxxx

  • Oh Pol. A list. Of course! Tell me how you'd like it setting out. Landscape or portrait. Little lines to write along or little margins to write in? Plain paper (but then the lines go all slanty) or fine blue lined. Filled it with a lovely mid soft pencil or a harsh bic pen?

    Thank you all again. xxxx

    Wow..... as you've asked

    Landscape with faint blue lines and a narrow margin off to the right (tick box you understand?)

    Soft pastel borders please but with something a little edgy bordering the border.... can't get to complacent now! No harsh bic pen....... *shudders at the thought of handling something filled in with bic* ;) Lines are a must but faint is important..... don't need them you understand but slanty writing makes my eyebrows go all uneven ;)

    Great to hear that all has calmed down ................ you know where we are when needed

    Pol xx

  • Glad you've triumphed, Fi.


  • Glad the crisis was successfully averted!

    Seriously Fi, you would of hated yourself for blipping after a whole year plus.

    You are the lucky one , not hubby.

    He isn't having the fun you think he is smoking all those fags, he has to smoke them or he will go into nicotine withdrawal.

    I try to think of all the just ordinary fags i smoked. The ones i actually enjoyed were few and far between , given that i smoked forty of em a day! and when i did enjoy them (usually with a drink) it was a fleeting thing that left me wanting more.

    SO no more fag envy. from someone who has blipped it's not the fun thing you think its gonna be.

    Also hubby shouldn't really be having them in the house where they could fall into your POSSESSION anyway???

  • Fi! :eek::eek::eek:

    wrath of bellablue,


    Not worth it!!!!!

  • Sorry I am so late in seeing you in distress, just wanted to say I am here for you.

    Fiona I think the fact your husband had also stopped then started again has been a bit of a trigger. You were used to him not smoking then all of a sudden he is, remember the days when we faced something we had not done before, the want to smoke came back to remind us, maybe this is the same.

    Wishing you well.


  • Pol, Mel, Jude and Jackie, thank you for your lovely support.

    Yesterday was still pretty pants. I didn't cave but I did feel a truly grumpy mardy bag. I think that Jackie is very right. It does feel like a trigger now I come to think of it! It is the first time i've faced my husband starting again without me starting too.

    I made sure I was busy yesterday and bought the family a baby bunny to be friends with Trevor the rabbit. I said the husband that if he could smoke then I could have another rabbit. He is a leggy long eared English spot who is 3 months old. Charlie was allowed to name him but sadly his name 'Trevor too' has stuck. I'd have preferred Pierre. :cool:

  • Fi, sorry I missed all this and very glad you are still sitting pretty in the Penthouse.

    I quite like "Trevor too" we have a rabbit called "Tigger" cause it's got stripes!

    Sending you some PMA, I seem to have buckets of the stuff at the mo :D

  • Hi Fi I hope that you are now feeling strong again, I would also feel miffed if me and my OH had chosen not to smoke because of certain reasons one being spondoolies and he had started again, I would also feel a bit grieved but you are the lucky one no matter how you saw it the other day, remember you are still the proud none smoker and I’m sure he will see it that way very soon, give it time and when a couple of times you say ugh you smell lol when he goes to give you a kiss he will get the message, stay strong my friend and let your unfaultable spirit keep you going forward and hope he will take your hand and follow very soon.

  • hi fiona i quit same time , ihave my moments of thinkin about havin a fag , then i put on my sensible head as i call it , i ve came this far and i aint goin back to that , when i feel like this i look at my list of why i quit health , money , children etc .the only thing i got to do now is lose the 2 stone i put on but i know deep down smokin is not the answer , so keep up the good work we better of in the end . lorraine

  • Fi

    Just seen this - sorry I missed it. If you were looking for something to do to take your mind off it I had some decorating I could have given you - all done now tho! :)

    Seriously tho - I am so glad you're OK. Temptation and cravings and triggers are funny old buggers. I've been to pubs and been surrounded by smokers all chuffing away and not had the slightest wish to join them. Bu on my last holidays a few months back I agreed to get some duty free cigs for one of the said smoking friends. I thought that'll be fine. But it was a REALLY odd feeling have the cigs in the house and with me 7 to 8 months into a quit. I felt quite jittery with them in my house and me all alone with them (how MENTAL does that sound!!!) I could have quite easily ripped into them - but am so glad I didn't.

    Good on you for staying strong (and I'm sorry hubbie has caved).


  • Thanks for more lovely support! This thread put me back on the straight and narrow again. I would have struggled mentally for weeks and maybe caved if it hadn't been for your replies and words of wisdom. Im now two days away from my holiday in France and feeling pretty secure in my quit again, no matter what the naughty husband does! Well done yourself atomicguy!! Its a good feeling when you can walk away from them. Love fi xx

  • Good to hear that you are back on the straight and narrow!

    Have a fantastic holiday, let him get on with his thing and you get on with yours :D

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