Day 26 hell.

[nsd_user663_7571]

Hi

I haven't posted much recently but I have been coming in and reading a lot.

Today is day 26 and to be honest I think it is the worst day ever. I have been thinking about smoking all the time, well, I think I have, I have that craving thingy in the back of my throat and I see myself going outside and lighting a cigarette, if the truth was know I am probably suffering from terminal boredom.

I had the results of my heart tests today and they are very happy with me ( I had a stroke just before christmas) But still all I can think about is smoking - I even applied for a job today which is a complete joke because I have been registered disabled for 7 years and my family and Doctors would probably flip if I told them I was thinking of going out to work again.

BUT WHAT CAN I DO TO GET OVER THIS! sorry if I shouted, and I am not actually asking you to tell me how to do this, cos I know I gotta do it for myself.

I have been reading the articles by Joel Spitzer and have found them very useful - I have read all about how nicotine rules your life (and it does) and after one of my first posts here about how I wasn't committed to quitting and how I had no reasons to quit, by reading his articles I got quite a theory going on why I was quitting, I was being strong against the drug, but today it all seems to be going down the pan.

I don't want to smoke, but today has resinated rather like the last quit I had, I am building up to a bad tempered bitter and twisted person that I dislike! the only way I stopped being that person last quit was by having a cigarette, that was three years ago at least - My husband seems to have committed crimes against me that I feel are punishable by murder ( no I am not going to kill him and the crimes are not crimes, but he has pissed me off) but the horrible angry feeling bubbling up inside feels as if they can only be resolved by smoking!!!!!

I know I need to calm down, and that is probably why I came here, to calm down - REMEMBER, never take another puff!

My problem is boredom, today it was raining and it was impossible for george my hawk to fly, but I still put him in the car, drove to the fields and walked him round whilst he sat on my glove. My worry is that tomorrow I am meeting loads of my friends for the first time since I quit and I know a lot of them will be smoking. My worry is, what will I be like when I have to stop taking Champix, maybe all those things are worrying me and I have lost confidence - so I booked a Drs appointment for Monday.

Tomorrow I will say hello to all my friends smoking outside and walk into the building and wait till they come in to catch up with them.

Tomorrow I must not smoke, otherwise I will have wasted 25 days of not smoking and I will be back to ground zero, no matter how attractive my brain makes smoking look - I must never take another puff

Thanks for listening - I feel a bit better now, but I am sure the Gin and Tonic and deep breathing helped too!

[nsd_user663_4121]

Hey Littleolyou.... I promise what you're going through is normal... stay strong... it will soon get easier. Everyone is different but I tell you how I felt on day 26.... yes I remember that day.... day 26 was awful... day 27 was worse.... I remember that night I talked to my mom and I was hysterical... cried and everything (and I'm not one to just cry like that!!) I told her I could not keep living like this, that I HAD to start smoking again..... I was a mess. The next day, something lifted and just like that my quit became do-able. Now, I hardly think of them.... stick with it, you're doing great!! xx

Edit: Forgot to add you're in the midst of a 'terrible three'.... apparently most of us struggle day3, week 3, month 3..... not for you to be stressed out about month 3.... if you get through this, month 3 is a breeze.

[nsd_user663_7957]

Enjoy the gin and tonic. I am glad you posted instead of smoking. You are doing really well.

[nsd_user663_7469]

Quittings easy staying quit is hard

Sorry cant stop long (CompanyLOL)

If you had seen my posts on late week 3 and start week 4 I thought I was going mad and dying No dont laugh it was evil LOL

Promise it gets better and better week 6 thursday brill x

[nsd_user663_7571]

OMG! I am so much happier that it is not just me! I do feel as if the end of the world has arrived if I do not smoke again..... I am going to try so hard tomorrow not to let it get to me and get through this .....

THANK YOU

ps. husband has been in the house for over three hours and is still alive. I warned him of my feelings ad he has been very good, but lets face it is choice was, be good or die - he knew his place in life hahahahahhaha

[nsd_user663_7769]

Hi Littleoleme2

Only a few more days to break the month mark pretend you are your hawk souring above it all, looks like you will showing your friends how to do it from the front.

Stay strong you have come to far now.

Gary

[nsd_user663_3728]

Hi littleoleme

27 days now well done you you're almost at 4 weeks and then itill get easier for you

Feeling as you do is normal it will pass soon now though

Love

Marg xx

[nsd_user663_3910]

Glad you felt better as the evening went on. If this were the point at which you gave in and smoked last time, you've got through it and you have turned a HUGE corner.

One day at a time remember, look how many days have mounted up already.

Be strong, you've come so far,

Lorraine

[jackieinv]

Well done to you, sharing how you felt was a great way to help yourself. Don't go worrying about what might happen in the future it might never happen, believe in yourself, you can do it. Hope today is better, keep reading as you are doing, you are getting everything right. Good news about your health and not smoking will make such a difference, good reason to stay stopped.

Jackie

[nsd_user663_7674]

Day 26 as I type.

The last few days have been HELL. What you wrote Littleolme could have been written by me word for word. I actually felt great last week by the way. This week I'm on the verge of ending my relationship, leaving my job, jacking everything in and running off into the woods screaming "Arrgghhhh".

Thing is, I don't want to be a smoker. I don't want a cigarette. I don't want to go back to square one. What I really don't want is to continue feeling like this and all I know is that when I was a smoker I didn't have this overwhelming feeling of complete depression. I've run out of the office this week supressing the tears until I could get to the toilets to CRY. I'm miserable. I'm negative. I'm a nightmare!

However, reading this has made me realise I'm not alone and ALL I can hold onto is the comments from others saying it doesn't last.

Littleolme I hope you're feeling better

[nsd_user663_7571]

Thank you guys, I am glad I could have been a help to some, and glad that some had advice for me - a special Hello for Polster and a big HUGGGGGGG, even from my Hawk George, keep it up Polster, I know how you feel, and it will pass, I pray and hope! hey Ho! I'm saying I pray! but hells teeth, I have not believed in god for umpteen years! but I am sure you get the sentiment!

Today I sorted out the Bar and served the drinks at the funeral of a friend, get a load of this!

... I go to start the car to go to the shop to buy the boozzze, and instead of going Vrooooom, it goes tick tick ..... the godforsaken battery is dead! Growllllllll, so I come in the house, get the charger, and sit quite calmly waiting ( WHAT! is this me? CALM?) 20 mins pass and I start the car, great...

People at the supermartet are their normal idiotic idiots, the staff are no help as I push round two trolleys getting pissed off and frustrated ... I get to where I need to be and low and behold, many people come out to help me. so I set up the bar...

All the people that know me come to tell me how good I look and well done for all the days no smoking, at least 20 people told me I looked great ( surely they can't all be paid by my husband to say that?)

I did the whole night, without going outside for a fag, never thought about it even though I know at least 10 of my friends where out there SMOKING!

Bad tempered I may get, but the car didn't turn me to smoking, the supermarket and all the stress didn't put me there, cos lets face it,,,, actually you don't NEED to smoke, you just need to realise that things in life happen and if you smoke or not, there is a solution.... so make the solution the one that you DONT HAVE TO SMOKE, you just have to realise there is another solution to the problem.... AND NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF

Sorry guys if you are reading this and you are on the edge, but actually after so many quit attempts and so much therapy for my Bi Polar disorder, actually, it does get easier, if I could bottle it I would, but trust me if you are struggling, keep it up, and get a HUG IN A MUG and not a FAG

[nsd_user663_7674]

Your car story reminds me of something I read (probably on Why Quit) about stopping smoking and how it affects our moods, our attitude and the way in which we deal with stuff.

I.e. if a non smoker gets a flat battery, their first reaction is to maybe call someone, or set about finding a charger and sorting it as quickly as they can.

If a smoker gets a flat tyre, their first reaction is to waste 10 minutes having a cigarette doing precisely nothing.

The flat battery would have been annoying either way, but smoking wouldn't have altered that, just delayed the process of sorting it out.

Thanks for my HUUUGGG - and back at you... I just related completely to what you said at the start of this post and know how "challenging" it can be sometimes.

You sound much much better - Yay!