My boyfriend is trying to give up smoking

Hello, I am Writer Chris's girlfriend and just wanted to give an insight into what it's like to try to support somebody who is trying to give up smoking. Chris was really hard work yesterday (day three): very grumpy, snappy, brutally honest, agitated etc, not good company at all (have never seem him like that ever!) However I am so proud of what he is doing that I would put up with him like that for days if that could help him! As a non smoker I never ever thought giving up smoking could be so hard, I am now absolutely horrified to see tobacco is a legal drug.

Ex smokers trying to give up: please don't feel guilty thinking you're being nasty to those who love you, we can take it and we're proud of you even if we don't say it!! Please speak to us and tell us how you feel and how we can help you if we can help at all, we're here for you, whether you suceed or not, every minute or day without tobacco is a victory.

19 Replies

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  • Hi There :D

    WriterChris is a very lucky man to have you there for support

    Quitting is never easy for any of us although easier for some than others

    Every smoker that quits needs all the dupport he/she can get it's at times a rough journey

    Made much easier with the support of loved ones as well as the forum

    My advice to you is simple be there when he needs you [as he will] and tell him how proud of him you are cheer the victories sympathise when he is down

    Be a shoulder for him to cry on if he needs it as he may do all these things will help him to keep going and come out the otherside of that tunnel

    Love

    Marg xxxxx

  • Very lucky guy

    I too i am very lucky and have a supportive OH, sometimes he just sits there and listens to me waffle on and on and on, that is great, because sometime you just need to, other times i have shouted, cried, grumped, sulked and many other terrible things but he has never complained.

    So thats all i can say is never complain, always listen and be there.

    Sounds like you are doing all that already.

    Well done to both of you.

  • Thanks to the 3 of you, I know Chris finds the forum VERY VERY useful and I can understand why, really friendly people out there!!!

  • You're an absolute diamond writer Chris' girlfriend. My OH is very supportive also, but yeah you do get big guilt pangs - sometimes it feels like you're just not yourself when you're being snappy and edgy - and knowing that the person you love isn't judging you for being like that is a BIG weight off the shoulders when you're just trying to get through the day without the drug.

    So here's a toast to all the supportive people out there who bear the daily brunt of the ex-smoker's temper!! Cheers!!! :D

  • Thank you but I have to say I feel that I could have been nicer too.

    Towards the end of Chris' day 3 I felt like I was going to explode and this made me grumpy and stressed although I was trying really hard not to say anything.

    I was worried if I was stroppy he was going to smoke again but at the same time putting up with a whole day of him being mega stressed, boring and snappy and "just-not-the-man-I-had-fallen-for" was hard!

    Luckily he's gradually more and more his normal self again... Day 4 and 5 were sooo much easier. He was telling me today (moving towards day 6) he feels "normal" 60% of the time now.

    This morning I was woken up by his new "breathing" noise... It felt like his lungs were really clear instead of wheezing and that they could take in a lot more air (hence me waking up... must have subconsciouly wondered if I was sleeping next to the right person!). His skin is also lovely and "pink" now and he looks even more good looking (but I may be biased!). So proud of what he's done!!!

    A tip that may help your OH: Chris told me when his "attacks"/"cravings" are really bad he prefers to be left alone for a few minutes to deal with it in peace and quiet, when his cravings are sort of medium he says a cuddle helps (!!) so we have this system where he tells me out of 10 how bad he feels... if it's a 5 or 6 I come give him a cuddle, if it's 8 or above I just stop talking and leave him alone!!!

    Hope this helps, good luck with your smokers everyone ;) (most importantly good luck to anyone who's trying to run away from tobacco)

  • Hi Writerchris's gf :D

    I'm so pleased to hear that it's getting easier for him now and therefore for you as well

    Also pleased that already you can see a difference in his health and there will be many more to come

    Glad also that you've managed to work out a way of dealing with the craves he gets and now know when he needs a cuddle and when to leave him alone with his battle

    I feel sure that together you will win this war

    Love

    Marg xxxxxxxx

  • Hi Wc Gf

    What a lovely young lady you must be. Chris is a lucky boy to have you around. My day three was also my very worse. Good luck to you both. Linda xxxxxx

  • Hi WriterChris' gf!

    How lovely! I am so pleased that you are supporting WriterChris - it's great to be able to talk to someone!

    Be happy! :D

  • Thank you Marg, Linda and C that's so kind of you!!!

    Chris really took me by surprise, after 20 years of smoking I had given up on the idea of him trying to give up. It was the big taboo... we NEVER talked about it anymore (it hurt Chris' feelings and made me feel completely helpless).

    I remember feeling so sad and angry when a friend in work told me "So your OH is killing himself with fags and you just sit there watching?!) I felt it was my fault too for not using the right "technique" to make him stop.... but I've now learnt that I can help a little bit but the decision had to come from him only... I think you don't give up smoking for your GF you do it because you've had enough yourself!

    Good luck everyone, don't give up the fight!!

  • Hi Writerchris's GF

    I can imagine how sad and angry you felt with your friend at work when she said that to you

    But believe me you couldn't have done anything to make him give up

    I know many times friends and family tried to talk me into it and it only made me more determined to carry on smoking [daft I know] but that's a moker for you

    We all give up in our own sweet time and the more people nag the more we smoke just to prove a point

    So you're right the decision had to come from him for him and only he could make it

    Well I finally did give up just as Chris has and I feel just great now

    Love

    Marg xxxxxxxx

  • Hi writerchris

    You are so lucky to have a supportive gf who doesn't go OTT with it as it's so true that the more people go on about it the more you wanna smoke.

    My fiance is trying to be supportive such as cleaning the en-suite (where I used to hide from the children for 5 mins to have a smoke) and not mentioning when he is going out for one. But then in the same instance he'll light one from the hob and wonder why I frown at him, or he'll smoke by the front door with it open so the smoke wafts in. It's just not very nice, but then I guess that's what all my no-smoking friends used to put up with with me, without saying a word. I don't want to become worse than someone that's never smoked?! Just a little bit more of understanding from him. But then at the same time it doesn't make me wanna go and have one! Confused? I am!

  • Hi,

    Marg - as ever thanks for the wonderfully kind words and the support - you are without a doubt, making a big difference to lots of us engaged in "the struggle" :)

    Hi Ishta, my fellow "gave up on the 22nd" person! Thank you too for the kind words, I'm lucky that my girlfriend doesn't smoke as I know it must be much harder to give up in the presence of other smokers - the only consolation that I can think of is that you'll be better prepared for other smokers in the wide world (I stare at them like they're from another planet now!). When I was a smoker (ah, how I love the past tense!) I used to always say that ex-smokers are the most anti-smoking. I too, don't want to become one of those disapproving, lecturing people as I know from bitter experience that giving up is a decision no one else can make for a smoker.

    I know I'm very lucky to have the OH that I do but I think it's best to just keep talking to them, when I smoked, I would have felt guilty about smoking around someone trying to give up so I wouldn't have minded going to extra lengths to make sure my habit didn't tempt them. At least other smokers know exactly what withdrawal feels like (we all used to withdraw by degrees before we lit up after all) and, if they've ever given giving up a serious go they'll know how very hard it can be. Let's hope this makes them supportive!

  • Marg, you are definitely the soul of this forum and you've helped Chris loads, thanks ever so much!!!!!

    Ishta: you are so patient, if my OH lit in front of me or let the smoke waft in when I'm trying to give up I think I would get really stressed and go beserk... (but then that's my fiery French personality showing up there!!)

    Maybe try to speak to him when both of you are really relaxed and just say you know he's already trying his best but could he please make sure you don't have to smell/see cigs when things are hard for you because you're trying to stop and it's tough etc... Best of luck!

  • Thanks Writerchris' girlfriend, I will try and talk to him about it but sometimes it's like talking to a brick wall!!! Thanks for the support ~xXx~

  • Hi Writerchris and GF

    Thanks for your kind words of appreciation especially just now

    You are both so supportive of each other you will both come out at the other end of the tunnel for sure

    Love and thanks to you both

    Marg xxxxxxxx

  • Wow, got a nice surprise this morning, I thought it was day 4 and then after a bit of counting on the fingers realised it was day 5. :p Only two more days until I reach a WHOLE WEEK.

    At work at the moment, and my assistant has commented that she is smoking less because I am not going out for a cigarette and therefore not making her think about it. So its nice to think I am making her a healthy person too!

    Back at the Doctors tonight so hopefully she will give me another prescription as the side effects have all gone now. Will let you know how I get on.

    Ishta - Hope you manage to get it sorted. Keep going strong, you doing fab.

    Writerchris' GF - It is so nice to hear the OH's side. My OH does not smoke and he is pleased I have stopped but his words of encouragement are few and far between. Get more from my son. :rolleyes:

    Marg - I agree with everyone's comments about your role on this forum. You do an amazing job, and as I have mentioned before in another post, You as my online angel.

    Well must get some work done now. Will check in later to see how everyone is doing. Have a good day.

  • Well done Trisha, keep the good work!!!

    Are you also rewarding yourself for each non smoking day? I think I'd buy some new moisturiser or massage oil and ask OH to pamper me ahha!!!

    Think I must get something for Chris actually, don't tell him *hush*:D ahahaha!!!

    Marg, fab fab lady, can imagine you're the sort of person everyone loves to go and see for a nice cup of tea and a chat.

    WriterChris: keep going chéri, I am so proud of you!!!!

  • Hi Trisha and Writerchris's GF

    Thankyou you both for your kind words if I have managed to help you it is my pleasure to do so

    Love

    Marg xxxxxxxxx

  • I think its really important to have a pillar of strength in someone closeby. Just the odd word of encouragement, and to know that they are there is enough. They put up with alot if you get moody but if they can help you through that and understand it.. it helps alot.. a heck of a lot.

    Its when those words of encouragement stop that they uneasiness slips in, so just keep that encouragement going. Its really appreciated, it really is.

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