failed again

sorry caz.its now nearly 2 am in the morn cant sleep and gotta get up in 4 hours. tried really hard for last few days but i never felt this bad in my life,im sick of being suicidal and ruining things at work and at home.cant even begin to say how angry i am with myself and dissapointed but couldnt do it.i have to bare with telling it to everyone now after i felt really proud i was doing ok and although i see addiction in different light now its too late.i got my appointment on friday and dont know can i just quit again with double dose without going to starter pack cause thats what i want to do or am i just too weak to quit altogether.i know i dont want to go 20 a day again but also know issues i have at home wer making me go so aggresive i could kill my husband,was crying at work and cant have that either.dont know what to do know,feel like worse loser ever and its all me.sorry i wasted ur time guys u ve all been really lovely and supportive

24 Replies

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  • Ah Passenger,

    Sorry you are feeling so bad.

    Please, please, don't beat yourself up, sounds like you are feeling very low as it is without beating your self up as well.

    Don't give a thought to letting others down, they are not important, you & your health are.

    Everyone here will know to some extent will know what you are feeling, most have us have had numerous quits :p and will be here for you come what may.

    See what your doc says re champix as I can't advise on that.

    You are not too weak hun, this was just not your time. Keep trying as you WILL do it one day, it's a promise :)

    Love Gaynor xxx

  • thx neverstoptrying its just not that i feel like absolute looser only slept 2 hours last nite was so upset and going to work now in a minute its breaking the news to people.my husband for one,was looking the other way when i told him this morn and said he didnt know that quitting smoking can disturb ur sleeping???like saying u didnt really struggle u wer just bored without.

    im like huge dissapointment just to him alone like im not feeling bad enough.i cant go back to same pattern should try to start again with chimpax friday i gotta talk to doctor ,im just freaked out how bad i was feeling last few days and just broke and gave in in the end:(

  • Listen to what gaynor is saying Passenger, you just weren't ready yet. That has passed now so try and get over it, just look forward to your next (and last) quit. You will get it because you want it bad enough. David

  • It's a shame, but please try not to beat yourself up about it - we have all been there, we have all felt the pain of relapse.

    Nearly all successful quitters have failed many times in the past.

    And quitting does cause disturbed sleep, vivid dreams and other strange things like that (along with a seemingly never ending list of other symptoms too - some mental (mood swings, etc) some physical (constipation, spots, etc) ) for most people.

    I'm not going to lie to you, most of these things are uncomfortable to say the least, downright nasty for some people.

    But. They are temporary. They will not kill you. Smoking will.

    Before your final attempt, please read up on places like whyquit.com - and ask hubby to as well, even if he is a non smoker.

    It will help you both to understand what a challenge it is for the human body to quit smoking.

    It has an awful lot of damage and imbalance to correct, and the fix is painful temporarily.

    They will go away though, and if you do suffer terribly through lack of sleep... go to a Doctor for something to help until it sorts itself out.

    I used Champix and found it to be excellent, but you do need to talk to a Doctor about it, and please mention your suicidal thoughts - Champix has been known to make these worse sometimes.

    One thing above all else....

    If you keep going through the rough bits, keep going no matter what - it will be well worth it in the end... I Promise you that.

    YOU CAN DO THIS!

  • Morning my wee buddy

    You haven't let anybody down, it just wasn't your time. I have tried and failed so many times you wouldn't believe. All you've done is have a fag, it's not the end of the world. :)

    Go away your holiday, have a great time and see how you feel when you come back. I couldn't stay not smoking without the champix and I dont know how you lasted as long as you did without them. Go to the docs on friday and get more and try again when you're ready.

    We'll all still be here to help you. Please stay in touch cos I'll miss you if you dont.

    Big cuddles

    Carol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Hi Passenger :D

    Please don't beat yourself up about this to much it happened to lots of us I lost count of the times I caved in the past

    You're not a failure you only become one when you stop trying and you haven't let us down at all

    Listen to what the others are telling you it clearly wasn't your time just now so go to the Dr and talk to him/her about how you felt and are feeling so you can get the help you need champix or whatever, have your holiday and come back when you're ready

    I promise we'll all still be here for you then in the meantime do some reading to help you understand more about this war we all fight Huge Hug for you

    Love

    Marg xxxxxxxxxx

  • Hi Passenger - I truly understand how you feel - I got to Day 8 and fell - was so so disappointed in myself - I am quitting again on Friday and have booked a few days off work for those initial bad bad days I felt - I wonder if like me that first one you had you thought hooray I dont have to take my pleasure away any longer ? The interesting thing is all the ciggies that followed that point I saw exactly for what they are - a habit and in retrospect the withdrawal symptoms themselves are not pleasant but not so dreadful - I really believe it then becomes a mind thing - someone on here recommended a really interesting and very helpful website which explains far more clearly why we get cravings and more importantly how to deal with them - well worth a look !!

    quitsmokingonline.com

    Have a read of it - seriously explains the psychological side of why we quit so often - and it would seem that these cravings are just that !!

    I really hope you give it another go but remember it is your choice and probably not the best reason if you are pressurising yourself - if you do start on Friday come join me I will be going back to Day 8 !!!!

    Chin up and remember you got a lot further than many so you know you can and will do it !

  • hey hoboathheart to be honest it wasnt had a smoke at about 2 am last nite cause i was so sick of feeling miserable and aggressive didnt even get much pleasure im hating them now.thx marg when i set quit day again i will definitely do it here its the only way to carry through.know my weak points now and will start again soon talk to doctor first friday and see what they recommend xxxx

  • We'll be here waiting for you...............:)

    Carol xxx

  • well done you and I agree totally with Margaret - discuss the depression with the quack - these tablets are known to have possible ghastly side effects and maybe they aren't right for you - isn't it strange as soon as I had relapsed I hated the bloody things !! Weirdly I had no problem sleeping when I stopped but as soon as I started again - possibly my body was shunning the reintroduction of nicotine - I have woken at 4 a.m. every morning !!!!! Can't remember who said this but if when you are off them you are unable to sleep I agree it would be worth getting some help again because sleep deprivation when you are trying to quit is dreadful - and remember the physical withdrawal is not nearly as bad as people paint - the hardest thing is dealing with the psychological issues - cravings etc. but it can be done - people are telling us here that they have managed and you are no less of a person - good luck and please look me up when you return because I so hope to be here - and private message me anytime you like - Peta

  • Apologies error in my post

    I meant to say on Friday I will be going back to DAY 1 - NOT DAY 8 !! so may see you soon

  • really feel for you, take a big deep breath and concentrate on getting into the right frame of mind again and dont be consumed by guilt, youl do it, so dont worry. we will all still be here to help.x

  • thx peta ,crissie ,caz ,everyone will be logging as first day soon i hope.u helped me get through this morning and im starting to feel bit more positive.its hard for people who havent been through it to understand but definitely helps to speak to guys who do.need to take few days break i think and then get into it again,armed and ready.u ll see me on day 1 soon again,reckon in a week latest dont wanna leave quit for months ahead wanna do it while is still fresh xxxxxxxxxx

  • Can't wait till you're back...............nothing to stop you posting while you're waiting to stop again.

    Carol x

  • oh i will id miss u guys otherwise:) cant really give advice to new starters lol but at least i can cheer for u guys go for the gold caz,im not going anywhere xxx

  • hi passenger, aww love i feel so sorry for you i know the feeling of disapointment & the despair of wanting to smoke again from previous quits, & when i did smoke i felt very upset & very emotional.. i havent used champix so yes you must talk to ure doctor about it like everyone as suggested.. maybe he might give a different approach or a lower dose?? maybe not sure how it works

    you did do so well & if you look at it as you are still doing so well.. because you have learnt a lot from this quit.

    you are definetely not weak...it takes a much stronger person to admit defeat then to be defeated ( does that make sense?) you will rise again & when the time is right you will do this & probably leave everyone else standing

    take care good luck & hope to see you back soon xxxxxxxxxx

  • Yes you can give advice - remember you have experienced quitting quitting and you now know so much more than you did - that will help you next time round and help other people who are starting off - I am very hopeful that I have learned quite a lot by my weakness - and intend to try to put that knowledge into the mix next quit !!! - I have also openly admitted to other people how I felt when I " failed " - in the vague hope it might make people stick with it and have better resolve than I did !!! There is also a small possibilty as I have only been puffing for 1 week ( and far far less in quantity ) that I may not find the withdrawl part quite so odious !! Here's hoping and another good reason for you to come back as soon as you feel ready ! - best - Peta

  • You had better all look after me...............or the baking will stop :D

    Carol xxxxxxxxxx

  • aww caz we will be here for you can i put my order in now for cakes:D

  • Yep orders being taken...................

    Carol x

  • then i would like a vanilla slice please :D

  • One vanilla slice as requested..............enjoy :)

    Carol x

  • Passenger,

    I think it has all been said. Feel sorry for you but I reckon that next time you will be back even stronger and that you will win.:D

    Gary

  • Hi Passenger :)

    I'm so pleased to hear that you're feeling a little better now

    See the Dr have a little break and start again when you're ready secure in the knowledge that we'll all be here for you for as long as you need us to be

    Meantime read as much as you can and post if you want to OK

    Love

    Marg xxxxxxx

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