Failed yet again

I am sorry to inform you all that I have failed yet again!!!!

There is nobody more upset about it than me. No excuses last week made me very upset and I have been dwelling on this over the last few days and grabbed for the ciggies. I am angry at myself for letting this happen but unfortunately can't turn back the clock.

I would like to thank everyone for their support and kindness shown to me. I will get myself together and read, read and read again and I will be back to succeed next time.

To BB I would just like to say that without your constant criticism I believe I would still be quit today it was completely unneccessary and unfair.

This forum is here for help and support after all and in the main this is what happens with everyone supporting each other through the rough patches we all get.

Many of us use cleaning to help and distract us after all and I take great offence at being told I am talking 'utter crap' for saying I used cleaning to help me.

At least I didn't carry on my quit after smoking a couple of fags I went straight back to day one instead of carrying on from where I was at the time.:mad:

20 Replies

  • Hi Carol :(

    Awwwwwwwwwww I'm so sorry to hear this news

    I know how upset you were last week as I would have been as well

    Get your self back together and when you're ready come back

    Remember we'll all be here for you to help and support OK


    Marg xxxxxxxxxxx

  • This engine you tried to start Caz, ran for quite a while and stopped after a lot of grumbling. You started the engine again, it ran for a little bit, but due to the grumbling not been sorted it stalled once more.

    Clean the spark plugs, get rid of the grumbling first (either by ignore or other means) and then turn that key in this quit engine once more.

    what matters is that you do not quit, quitting.

    I could say 'really sorry to hear this' but instead i'll just offer my faith that you will do this again, and i'm sure you'll conquer it.

    ((((Caz1960)))) big hugz!

  • am so sorry to hear that caz, i think it is very brave of you to come hear and tell us all and not just go away and hide, i think i would.

    So you go away and read and read and read, we will all still be here when u are ready and i think havin your head in the right place before u start day 1 is vital.

    i think it is unfair to blame anyone else for you havin a fag, only u picked it up and lit it, sorry but it is true.

    hope you enjoy the rest of your evening and see you back here when you are ready.

  • Thanks guys for your support.

    Bev I know it was me that smoked that ciggie and nobody forced me but being in a bad place which I had posted and taking a barage of unfair criticism didn't help.

    I know it is my fault and there is nobody more upset than me.

    Carol xx

  • good luck caz when ure ready to try again... & remember you can & will do this some day soon otherwise you wouldnt feel so depressed about smoking again you would feel relieved....dont blame others though that is the worse thing you could fill youre head with caz...just be happy with wot you did achieve & you know now that you can & will do it again, take care & hopefully hear you very soon :)

  • BB out of interest, i've only been here a week or so and i'm pretty experienced with forums etc, but what exactly is the problem... or more particularly, your problem with the cake threads?

    From what i can see it doesn't matter a jot if posts are public on the forum here, in fact if someone says they've made virtual cakes or even real ones, a post about them is not breaking any forum rules, and i can't see how it upsets folk.. except so far you? So can you please perhaps just enlighten me here.. whats your specific problem? Please feel free to PM me this as i do not limit my PM box at all.

    All i know at this stage is that negativity however its thrown about on a forum can be felt alot more than you realise and on the internet it is very easy to forget that real people sit behind the keyboards and behind the usernames on the forums. Quitting smoking regardless of who you are is a difficult thing, it can leave you on a very very low ebb without that 'stimulent' and if you want to post something lighthearted, even if you audience is likely to be one person in appreciation, then why the devil not.

    This forum is not the place to build up animosity though, i believe we all have the same objective, and if some folk wish to post that they done something today that took their mind off smoking then that's up to them, they should not however expect..... the spanish inquisition.

    I encourage anyone who has issues with any individual forum user to use the ignore feature on this and many forums if anyone seems to upset your feelings especially during your quits. You can shape your online forum experience on here to suit you, and visiting here does not mean you have to read every post. You can either choose not to read the posts/threads from a set person or you can use the ignore feature in your 'user cp'. Its not a personal thing either, all you are doing is exercising your right to filter posts that you worry may 'get to you', and in this case it seems to be so.

    I hope i'm not too far off the mark here, but i would like to ask politely that calm is returned anyway, as i've seen more than a few posts lately which are from folk who are upset on some things even on this forum, and at the moment there is a common denominator in it, and with a little tweak here or there it can be adjusted. I would just hope that calm can be exercised before personal censorship is needed but if that is what is required to get good karma in your online attendance here then please do not be afraid to do so.


  • Hi Bev

    I don't think Carol was blaming Jim at all it was a passing comment

    She had already stated she had no excuses for reaching for the fags after all



  • The problem with quitting is that we see things in a different light to normal and even if some things are meant in a lighthearted way, they can be misinterpreted. I've seen folk truly get very very upset over posts on forums and have had to talk with one in particular on teamspeak (voice over ip) in the past, and i just wanted to make sure that if its a clash of character going on here that folk at least know there is methods to create a calm in the confusing world of forums without directly opening up room for misinterpretation.

  • The problem with quitting is that we see things in a different light to normal and even if some things are meant in a lighthearted way, they can be misinterpreted. I've seen folk truly get very very upset over posts on forums and have had to talk with one in particular on teamspeak (voice over ip) in the past, and i just wanted to make sure that if its a clash of character going on here that folk at least know there is methods to create a calm in the confusing world of forums without directly opening up room for misinterpretation.

    I couldn't agree more with you Jase there has obviously been a clash of characters. I said in my post that I was to blame for my quit. I was just trying to be honest about how my quit came about. I thought this was a support group and felt very upset and attacked when I was told that nobody was interested in whether I was cleaning my cooker or what I was cooking for dinner when I posted saying that this was how I was keeping myself busy. Because of this I have felt unable to say that I was struggling. After all the bickering last week i posted a cake thread on saturday to try and lighten the mood and people seemed to have a laugh and enjoy it. Unfortunately it did not lift my mood. I understand that not everyone is going to get on but like you believe that everyone should be able to post how they are dealing with their quit, without being told they are talking utter crap. I am sorry if I have upset anyone.

    Carol xx

  • Hi Jase

    I don't want to stir anything up but Carol and many others stood by me when I was attacked by Jim [BB]for the way I reply to posts and not just once either

    This has been going on for a while though and many people have been upset and some have left the forum because of his one liners which are nearly always I must say in a negative way

    I agree there will always be a bit of friction at times on a forum such as this but I think this has been going on for to long now and needs to stop it is causing to much upset for too many people on here


    Marg xxxxxxxxxxx

  • The notion that Jim had antyhing to do with you losing your quit is absolutely ridiculous. Don't try to pass the blame. I've never seen him post anything unreasonable, he is just honest. In my opinion he has always been spot on with his comments. I'd say you're more harsh and hostile to him and he isn't running back to the cigarette box.

    Anyway, as for your recent slip up. I think rather than this quit/smoke/quit cycle you should take some time to determine what it is that is actually driving you back to the cigarettes. I know I didn't smoke for a long time - but as soon as I realised how ridiculous smoking was I was absoultely determined to beat it. I'd say after 7 days it was fairly easy to shrug off the emotional triggers I had and keep telling myself that smoking was not worth it.

    Now, whenever an emotional or challenging situation comes up and a trigger from my smoking times sounds, I just think to myself that cigarettes aren't going to make the situation better, infact they will make it worse.

    Whilst the support on this forum can be a good thing, I think coming on it too often can be detrimental to your quit. The more you come on here the more likely you are to be thinking about cigarettes. At the beginning of my quit I did my best to avoid any reminders of cigarettes. I didn't want to waste my time longing for something that I never wanted to do again, I was so happy to be free.

  • I'm just gutted i missed out on that yummy cake tbh. I hope you won't mind me taking an objectionably large piece of the next one?

  • yo caz - sorry to hear you gave in and that you have been getting a hard time.

    If you wanna bake virtual cakes, you do it. sure gonna save on the gas bill!

    this is quit number 3 for me since i joined the forum back in june so dont feel bad. Ive told myself it will take as many attempts as it takes. I dont think its good to feel to down. it is after all, probably the hardest thing your likely to ever do in your life, (unless of course your in training for the london 2012 olympics or aiming for a Nobel peace prize or something in the future :-)

    read your initial post which said "grabbed for the ciggies" - does that mean that you are trying to quit whilst still having cigs in the house?

    if this is the case i'd massively advise that you rethink that, as its gonna make it 10 times harder knowing the temptation is there.

    all the best and hope you get your quit back on asap,



  • Sorry to hear you lost your quit.

    I started out with lozenges but what kept me quit was reading, understanding and changing my mindset.

    If you can change your mental approach so that you know smoking isn't going to do anything but feed your nicotine addiction then you will have more chance of resisting temptation.

    Read, read, read!

    Keep on reading whyquit, try one of the quit programs in my sig. If you get the mind right the rest will and does follow.

    Best wishes


  • * sorry for long post in advance, hope it helps, feel free to pass it by otherwise*

    Quitting smoking does horrible things to our tolerance levels, i've found myself deep-breathing doing the 'in with the good... out with the bad' mantra alot.. and it helps alot.

    I think at the end of the day, and we all know this.. we are each managing our quit in the best way we can, some being ultra-brave and going CT, others using an assisted method like patches, inhilator, gum/lozenges etc, then there is champix.. and although normally you'd think.. ahh i've made my bed, and i'm damn well gonna lie in it, you really need not just go through this alone.

    Some of us are truly lucky we have a very understanding partner or friend who is there to help us through some of the tough times. (eg. my fiancé noticed i was having a tough time last night and gave me a big hug, which in honesty, helped me tons), and then we have folk who thrive during their quit if folk around where they work would just ask how your doing with the quitting and give you a 'nice one! keep it up!' just as encouragement.. its the little things that matter to us quitters, we don't need the encouragement constantly.. just that its there.

    Going 3 days, 1 week, 2 weeks.. even to the point where you no longer count in days and start looking at weeks, a month.. then months... its all progress, and we really should all feel proud of our own achievements, and also see that others (like our buddies and folk we see posting on this forum) are also doing well too.. but not just that, to know that you can be there if someone is struggling too.

    We all cope in different ways, some it seems better than others, but the reality bite is that its still a major addiction and one we will fight out day by day even if we are paying less attention to just the days themselves. This forum gives us the opportunity to share our experiences however good or bad they are.. some posts are serious in content, others are really light-hearted.. to some that are cruising the forums they might not thing they are relevant, but to the person who posted and to some folk who wish to read them they are just what they want to see. So using this forum however you wish to use it, providing you are not insulting anyone or causing upset is within the boundaries of its purpose.. its why this forum and website is here!!

    You can visit a hundred other forums where they can over-moderate it, where rules are so harsh you wonder whether you should post or not.. and you will get folk quoting the rules every single day on them.. but not here.. the rules are fairly basic, and providing the content doesn't break these rules, its ok.

    So virtual cakes, talking about tasks you do that take your mind off temptation, heck even a yarn about your cat/dog is totally ok.. if it helps you or others cope and make the forum a bit more personal then go for it!!.

    If the moderators/admins choose to intervene at any point i am sure they will do so, and if they haven't already with anything you've posted then you can be fairly sure that you are using the forums within their usage policies anyway.

    I administer 2 phpbb3 forums which manage communities, and we have stricter rules, but i can definitely say that having read much of the content of these forums here, they are tame in comparison with regards the content, and these forums would be a joy to moderate.

    So please.. anyone, if you feel pressured, or upset with other forum users, firstly consider that you are first and foremost not to let something get to you in such a way that you feel smoking is the answer, its not.. why we are here is to quit.. but just know that outside of just reading the forum, you can self-censor the forum using an ignore feature if you wish if it helps you to keep your sense of well-being. Not everyone is going to get on, put 100 people in a room and you can guarantee that there will be folk who do not gel together.

    Keep your joviality.. please, i like reading all the little posts as much as i do the bigger more serious postings, and I personally anyway would not like it if my posts made folk feel pressured, or segratated from the pack of us here and i would like to be told directly if this was ever the case, because I would definitely change how i post if i thought it upset anyone.

    The main thing.. keep your quit going, and if you have ANY cake, please save me a slice.. i like chocolate best.

  • A Lot of words ;)

    I totally agree, as with all sites on the internet there are some people here who you agree with and get on with - and a few who you won't.


    There have been people here in the past who have said things I don't agree with, or even that I think is just bang out of order. Some I have argued with, some I have actually taunted for sport (Whatever happened to "Iquitjanuary2008" or whatever his name was? :D ) some I have had a very sensible discussion with about our differences of opinion (Jim included - he can be a little blunt and is never afraid to air his opinion, but is very intelligent. He respects that my opinions are very different to his on some subjects, and vice versa) and some I have ignored.

    I know how hard it can be to let it wash over you, especially in the earlier stages of a quit (first few months) because you feel under strain anyway... but please remember that these are people with whom you shouldn't feel you have to put up with their comments if they upset you - simply ignore that particular person and get on with getting on.

    You should use these forums in any way you see fit - I have always used them as kind of a diary and my posts in response to others have always been as much about focussing myself as helping others. Whatever you need to do to take control and keep control, you do it - and tell us about it if you want.

    If you get unwanted answers - just forget about them, not everyone will get what you're doing.

    I am very sad to hear you turned back to the fags again, all the best with your next and final attempt ;)

  • Could you not just use the ignore list function? That's what it's there for after all.

    Personally, i've never really had this kind of problem on any message board i've posted on. You're always going to have people that rub you up the wrong way or who post views that you completely disagree with. I mean, you would expect to meet such people in real life, so why would you think it would be any different on here?

    It's never bothered me to the point that it would affect my mood tho. Sometimes i'll feel like debating over a topic, other times i can't be bothered and just ignore that persons post or read something else on the forum. I can't really see how anyone could get that wound up about these things tbh...

  • We did indeed become involved, and it is best now if the matter is allowed to drop.

    As has been said in the past, if members read a post which they find in any way offensive or upsetting please use the report function rather than taking on the poster directly on the forum. Doing so would usually lead to further arguments drawing more and more people in. Ultimately if left unchecked factions form and several people can end up getting warned or banned, even if they were not the people initially involved. Also in the event of people trolling on the forum angry replies are precisely the response they are looking for.

    The report function is accessed via the little red triangular road sign top right on all posts. If you report, it is confidential and you can state why you are reporting. Please also use this facility to report spam.

    Many thanks

    Moderator 3

  • Snap:

    I strongly disagree with your post and some of it is untrue so please check your facts. However I wish you well in the future.

    What about my post is untrue? There are no facts to be checked - like it or not, I merely expressed my opinion.

  • So now thats out of the way, we can lets at least take on board all thats said in an adult way and just move on now. All thats been said is out there now, so lets get on with why we are really here on these forums

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