Advice on stopping whilst partner remains a smoker

Hello Everyone, hope you all having a good afternoon!

I am due to stop this sunday whilst using the champix, however one thought has been bothering me to a certain degree and could do with some advice!

Whilst I am really looking forward to quitting however my partner will remain a smoker!! im a bit anxious on this as I really dont know how I will come tuesday when he returns from a work trip!

Any one out there in or has been in similar position ?

Derek

10 Replies

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  • Hey Derek

    my missus still has the odd cig usually when she's been out with her mates, all I will say is this...in the interest of domestic harmony, don't be a smug ex-smoker! I haven't done so yet because I'd get a slap if I did.

    It's her choice if she smokes, she does it outside by her own choice (she was always nagging at me to smoke outside too!).

    Some on here will tell you it's your quit not your partner's and you shouldn't expect them to change, but I am sure you'll work it out between you, whatever works for you both hopefully!

  • Hi Derek,

    What kind of advice are you looking for?

    There's not really a whole lot you can do except get used to the idea that you're stopping and your partner isn't. I'm one of those people who says it's your quit and that the world around you doesn't need to change to accommodate the fact that you're quitting. The quicker you come to terms with that fact, the better prepared you will be!

    Having said that, there's no harm in asking for support from your partner. He might be willing to only smoke outside, and he may be willing to not smoke in front of you at all for the first few weeks, but again, that's something you need to negotiate with him.

    If you're looking for tips and techniques, the only thing I can suggest is to avoid him as much as possible when he smokes, particularly in the beginning.

    Alex.

  • Hi Derek

    I hope today is going OK

    I believe that one of the keys to a strong relationship is supporting each other so I'm sure your partner will make life easier for you by not smoking in front of you etc - if not just point out that your breath doesn't smell like a wet dog :D

    I agree with AngryBear though - try not to be too smug as this is your choice :)

  • Thanks Everyone, for the advice!

    I most certaily will never become a reformed ex smoker, there is nothing worse than someone who quit and rubs your face in it! plus insisiting yiu stay away as you stink, its disgusting and all that!

    My partner has offered to go outside not smoke around me but i just told him, its his choice i will never force him outside in his own home! your right its my choice not his,

    I am lucky today was my first day, and he has been called away aon a work trip until tuesday so i have a few days to get myself together lol.

    i am on leave as well next week so took today, and tomorrow to stay on my own gather my thoughts and deal with the withdrawel in peace without any added stress.

    so fartoday has been ok, i felt at times very deprived and had that feeling of loss or desperation what evewr it is but not enough to make me have one. so for battling through it, i have just went and got a bottle of wine and chinese to celerbrate :-)

    these champix are realy doing there job!!

    derek

  • No problem Karrie lol , he is like a wife sometimes, nag nag nag haha,

    but yes, i would never tell him what to do smoke or not smoke, im hoping i inspire him to quit so i am ensuring im talking about my feelings, the emptiness so he has a real understanding of what to expect if he does, The worst thing i could do is pretend its a amazing, no cravings no this no that life is like a million dollers as that will lead him or other people into a false sense of security and when they quit !! its 10 times harder as they never prepard themselfs , if that makes sense.

    derek

  • I have to agree with everyone else....this is your quit. I have always allowed my boyfriend to smoke around me, I found I still enjoyed the smell of the fag without having to cough my way threw smoking one myself.

    Now, Unfortunately, I have had to change my way of thinking due to second hand smoke. Now, don't get me wrong.....no one is to Blame for my health issues but ME! I am the one who smoked for 44 years and developed Empysema...no one else.

    But, now that I am that sick I can not be around the smoke. They only exception is in the car, but we roll windows down so it doesn't go in my face. And if it is bad out my boyfriend smokes in the house still, just right by a fan we set up in the kitchen to blow heat and smoke OUT the window. Plus I have my air purifier on high now.

    I think the biggest thing is when your partner gets home YOU have to have your mind in the right place. What got me through my earliest days was deep breathes, keeping busy and every crave or urge I would quote "NOPE"!!

    Not One Puff EVER!!!! That has helped my so much. If not for this forum I would of never known about that and I may of been back on those cancer sticks(Empysema sticks, also).

    If you are determined to do this then I have utmost faith that you will succeed!!

    Good luck and keep us posted on your progress....ppat

  • Sounds like you and your wife communicate well and it's lovely to see someone not treat their partner like a leper. If you stay just as you are you might even find she follows you before long :)

    My wife continued smoking during my quit up until yesterday when she decided to quit herself. I didn't say anything and left her to her own decisions and yes, she followed suit of her own accord.

    Awesome eh? :)

  • My wife continued smoking during my quit up until yesterday when she decided to quit herself. I didn't say anything and left her to her own decisions and yes, she followed suit of her own accord.

    Awesome eh? :)

    That's great Magic. You will be there for each other:)

  • Brilliant! I had a feeling that would happen and Una is right you can be there for each other.:D

  • My opinion is that if a smoking partner offers to not smoke around you, take them up on the offer. I say this because my partner stopped smoking about 30 years ago, and since then I have never smoked in the house or car.

    As a good 20 a day person, this has involved me going outside in every sort of weather, as well as the continual disruption during the day. Thankfully we have mainly always had some sort of porch or covered area that I have been able to stand under, or if not I have had a variety of coats with hoods for particularly cold weather, but I have always gone outside. That said, just coming inside after smoking still leaves a stink in the place for a bit, but a least there wasn't the fog and yellowing in the rooms.

    I don't think it is fair to inflict my habit on other people who don't smoke. It makes them stink, and as we know 2nd hand smoking can be dangerous. Even before the smoking ban I wouldn't smoke in a pub or restaurant if others around me were non smoking. I would go outside.

    Part of not smoking means smelling nice. It is one of the coping methods I am using at present when I get a crave and feel I am on the point of going to buy a packet. I smell my clothes or perfume on my wrist and then think of how I will smell if I have a puff. So I would say if a partner offers to not smoke around you and go outside, say a big thank you for their support and accept.:)

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