I need some help guys and girls!!

My Story - by Poppyfairy

Well as I am here it goes without saying that I am a smoker. I have smoked over the last 7 years having previously quit years and years ago prior. I am 39 and Mum to two disabled children. They are exceptionally complex children and very challenging. We have no family as both sides did not want to know us when they realised our children were born with disabilities, and no other real support. My husband (who is not a smoker) works as a Head Chef and therefore is not around a lot.

Over the last few years I have had to fight very hard for my childrens educational rights. I have just won a tribunal (court) hearing for my daughter and she can now attend a school which is just right for her disabilities. She was out of school for 15 months. My son has been out of school for over a year. Our LEA cannot provide our children with a school as they are so complex and therefore in order to get them to a school we as parents have to pay to take the matter to court for our children to go to a school out of county. Our son's case is being heard in the High Court in London in approx 18 months time. Until then he will be at home.

I love and adore my children and care for them round the clock. I smoke approx 5 ciggies a day, sometimes much less, sometimes a little more. I pootle off down into the garden for 2 minutes to have a few puffs. This is the only time I get to be alone. (I have not had a night out in 9 years nor been out for lunch in 3 years). So my odd cigerettes here and there are my break or me time. It sounds very very sad (in the sense of saddo) but they have been almost like friends - though I know this is totally ridiculous. I tend to only smoke when I feel I need a break away from the stress. If I go out with the children I never smoke at all and don't think about it.

My children are asking 'when are you going to stop cigeretting Mummy?' and I feel really bad for just smoking the bit I do. I know I have to stop and need and want to stop. But I guess I am kind of scared how I will cope without my little crutch. I know logically having a smoke makes no odds - but as it is the only thing I can do for myself (as my attention has to be on the children all of the time) - I will miss that space.

I know I can't stop on my own. I know I need some help. I can't even go to the chemist etc. to get advice as I am always with the children. I know this is a psychological thing - mind over matter. So here I am - any suggestions would be so welcome.

I have read some of the stories and theads and you all sound amazing people who are so so strong. Well done all of you - you're a great inspiration.

12 Replies

  • Welcome Poppy x x x x

    We have no family as both sides did not want to know us when they realised our children were born with disabilities

    I am really sorry abouthat :( I am astonished that happens!! :mad:

    There is no reason for you to stop your walk to the end of the garden for a bit of peace!!! and since you get so little I suggest you do not give that bit up!!

    Find something else to do though :rolleyes: a bit of gardening, cup of coffeee, chapter of a book draw? etc

    How did you quit last time? you did very well then !!

    What ever method you choose you will not fall short of support around here!!

    ~Buffy x x

  • Poppy, welcome and good luck. Some people do not realise the difficulty with disabled children, whether they are physically or mentally, you need some time to yourself as Buffy and Boudee have said a little time for your self is needed and hopefully you can get some respite help. I feel for you and your hubby. As you smoke so little not only can the net help but also your doctor/nurse they can prescribe patches etc for you. I wish you luck in whichever method you choose. They are a great bunch here and an inspiration to us all. Stay strong. Keep us posted.

    xxxxx Pupalup xxxxxx:)

  • Many Thanks For Replying!!!

    Dear Buffy and Boudda

    Thanks for your support. I know what I have to do - it really is all mind over matter. It's a case of pushing the little voice in my head that says 'look at you - you deserve just one ciggie!!' out of the picture and saying 'No you are nothing but a bit of paper and mucky poison stuff'.

    As far as respite goes I never get any, but that is ok - my children have to come first. Our social services is millions in debt so I was told by said department. The children would not cope either - they were both very traumatised at their respective schools and it has taken me a long time to build their confidence, though they do not like new people. They both have 7 disibilities each - but are also very intelligent - hence the complexity. They both have Autism and a disibility called Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome and this mix makes them like little time bombs waiting to go off!!

    Hey ho - guess who gets dinner in their hair every night???

    I will sit tonight and work out my plan and get back to you - it that is ok - ie when my quit day will be. I'm feeling stronger now and I know I can do this. If I make it - I will feel so pleased with myself.


  • Indeed, going in with a well thought out plan will work wonders!!

    Make lists! lots of lovely lists :D

    [*]things you can do instead of ie smoking, reading, writing, chew gum etc

    [*] things to reward yourself with along the way ie hot luxury bubble baths, magazines, cd's, clothes, make up etc (little things, short term)

    [*] goals to achieve at intervals ie family trip, decorating, garden landscaping etc (bigger things, long term)

    You are right about the little voice! remember that one cigarette is not a treat as it takes time from you. That's the kind of treat you wouldn't even wish on your worst enemy!! you deserve a damn sight better than that!

    Please do share your plan with us we can help to check up that you are rewarding yourself enough for your achievements !

    ~Buffy x x

  • Poppy, do understand what you say, my 2nd eldest grandson has ADHD and my nephew who is 13 can be difficult!! (we believe has aspergers - although not confirmed - tests taken are always said to be inconclusive or they definately say now).

    Whatever decision you make will be the right one for you. Stay strong and good luck, keep posting, we are here for you.:)

    xxxx Pupalup xxxxx

  • Dear All

    Thanks so much for the support - it means a great deal. I have just checked my pack and I have 10 left. I will probably have another 1 or 2 today so by my reconing I will smoke my last one on Friday - as I'm not going to buy anymore - NO NO NO NO NO!!! I am going to put the money in a kitty and watch it grow. I really cannot justify spending the money on cigs anymore it is soooo expensive. Having to go through the court cases with the children has placed us £35,000 in debt to pay for the solicitors. You can't get legal aid for disabled children and education - what a stinker - so we had to take out a second mortgage. You have to do what you have to do for the children. I feel quite excited and kind of liberated - but knowing I can come and chat with you guys I am sure will make all the difference in the world.


    What do you recon to my plan?


    PS) PUPALUP - I know a great Psychologist if you want his details - regarding the Aspergers - he diagnosed both of my children and is one of the top Autistic spe******ts in the country.

  • Hi Poppyfairy, I just wanted to say welcome and wish you well. I'm not as experienced as some here who just seem to know exactly what to say and how - they're certainly helping me but even if I can't offer the same level of skilled support, I'm here (probably along with many others) willing you to succeed. Go for it, you won't regret it, in fact it will give you so much to celebrate. :D :D

  • Dear Steveh

    Thanks so much for the support, I really appreciate it. I read your story - it was the first thing I read on the site - and I found it really inspiring. Just knowing people like yourself are there to chat to will help me so much rather than just being on my own. I tried quitting once a year or so ago and I called the National Smoke line for some support and got told to have a bath - at 3.00pm with me looking after the kiddies!!! Needless to say I didn't call back and flunked out. But this time I can just come and tap tap away when I'm feeling I need to speak with someone or just read all the brill threads.


  • how right you are Poppyfairy.. I find that being here on and off helps so much to keep my mood stable whereas I think without this site, I'd probably have lapsed by now. Today, one of our students offered me a fag as I popped out - I was so happy to decline without hesitation and now I'm writing it here creating a sort of feedback loop. Power to you PF.:)

  • Dear Steveh

    I just wanted to quickly write and say I think you did brilliantly by refusing a smoke - that must have been hard - but you did it which shows how strong you are. I must admit earlier on this evening when my little boy was pulling my hair out I did wonder if I would be able to get through without my odd smoke and I thought YES as a stick will not change anything or make it better - it will just make it worse.



  • Oh Poppy,

    You sure do have have your hands full! We are all here for you. This is a wonderful support group. Full of love, laughter, silliness. Come here for support, to vent, cry laugh share or just some piece and quite. Welcome again.

  • I second that, cinders said it perfectly :Di'll 3rd that you or a shinning star:)

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