day one, hour 5

Hiya everyone. I really dunno what Im doing in here, or why I'm bothered. (probably not the best insight to start with , but honest)

I have tried to give up smoking so many times :-( I mean , many , many times. In the past I have managed up to 22 days, and then caved in ... which kinder makes me feel like I havn't actually achieved something this time round, until I get past that mark . It's like a knowledge that I've packed in before when i've got this far , why won't it happen again . I almost speak like it's something completely outa my control . I have been a continuos smoker of both tobacco and cannabis for the past 13 years , and really need to stop . My life seems to be passing me by , I find myself getting outa breath doing very light excersise, and am generally unhappy all round. ( more so today without a smoke )

Right now , reading sites on lung cancer, and other joys brought from smoking , don't seem to be having the desired effect. My ignorances pleads to rule my mind, and the only feelings Im having as an effect of reading these grotesque stories are more along the lines of ... 'if this how giving up feels , Id rather suffer a slow painful death ' Again , not how I really feel , and it shames me to actually come out with it .

All encouragement would be greatly appreciated . Hopefully this time , I will do it . *crying in misery*

Bénite . xxx

14 Replies

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  • hello and welcome

    good luck!!!!!

  • Hay Benite - I know why you are here - like all of us, to get advice and support... and to kick the habit once and for all!

    5 hours is fab - keep up the good work - you're in the right place to moan cry and winge!;)

  • I agree... 5 hours is fab.

    Take one hour at a time... go for it!

  • cheers

    Thankyou peeps, well it's 1.23 am , going to be a long night I think . I spent most of the day in bed , assuming it was best place for me. didn't plan ahead to the long lonely smokeless night . I am starving hungry , yet i can't eat without getting indegestion and feeling like I've just had x3 xmas dinners. Is this normal ?! My sister is living with me at the moment, I keep hearing her lighter flicking as she sparks up . It's most infuriating. How long until the 'i wana die ' feeling evaporates. I keep tinking up excuses to myself , why it's in my best interest I have one smoke , and then reality kicks back in , in time.... so far.

    xxxx smoke free kisses xxxxx

    Bénite

  • surviving

    hiya..... Yeah , I've been smoking it a ridiculous amount of time . Ten years plus now :-( And you're right , it's paranoia and nerves that have made this decision for me . I actually have my photo's taken on a daily basis as my job , and am able to hide behind a thick layer of make up I have slapped on before I start . I've noticed recently how drawn I look as soon as I wash my face. It's not just around my eyes, it's the actual eyes themselves. Also when I first started this work , I coped just fine with it , these days im so paranoid when im out and about , I feel like im in the camera lense 24/7/

    I understand this could be part of my work , but something tells me it's more to do with the excessive cannabis I've been smoking .

    By the way , who saw the news.... that guy who killed his 2 'mates' apparantly out of a cannabis triggered psychosis . ( the jury didn't believe his story, or they didn't seem to anyway , he got 20 years )

    Any comments?

    XXX smoke free kisses XXX

    ( gona go and post in day 2 forum now, I am so proud of my wee soul )

  • I'm liking those smoke free kisses lol

    I've not seen the news yet :eek: it's crazy to think you do things day and day out and not know the damage it causes.

    Hang in there!

  • I believe it actually happened a couple of years ago , this boy has been in custody since the attack . It's really quite disturbing . I listened last night to the 999 call, he himself made after he killed his friends. ' my friends have been cut a bit'

    One of his mates took around 70 stabs, while the other was almost decapitated . "cut a bit !!!!!! " I'm most certainly keeping off the weed. The mind boggles..... There again , the way I'm feeling right now... the most likely thing to turn me into a murderess wouldn't be the smokes, but more the lack there of !

    I'm sure you will see some press coverage of the case shortly, as it's brought back up the 'does cannabis cause insantiy ' debate. That old chestnut !

    I see myself as a glowing example ! *winks*

    I must be feeling a little better , although I think my nicotine urges are whats causing me the most problems.

    XXXX Coffee kisses coming ur way XXXXX * laughs*

  • Way to go Benite x

    It's a great decision to make, you know that because you are here! Honestly hour by hour, day by day is the only way :D try not to compare with your other quits either, as every quit is so very different and we ourselves change overtime.

    What people don't realise is that every quit doesn't end in 'Failure' if smoking is taken up again, the quit will of installed memories of an ability to go with out and confidence in the next quit, so as time goes on and the quits go on it gets easier.

    By the way , who saw the news.... that guy who killed his 2 'mates' apparantly out of a cannabis triggered psychosis . ( the jury didn't believe his story, or they didn't seem to anyway , he got 20 years )

    Any comments?

    To my life experiences all the schizophrenics I know did indeed smoke. The three closest to me have ended up dead or in prison. I have 1million views and opinions but no answers, my Bf attended a seminar with all the experts whittering on and he said they knew so little themselves!

    Diminished responsibility is about an entire web of behaviour prior to such an event, all of which is so thoroughly processed in such a trial, really they go through everything from the day they were born! I guess the above guy didn't have any other real behavioural issues so his story looked unlikely, If it was that easy I guess a murderer could just get stoned before committing murder so as to get a lighter sentence!!

    It's a whole different can of worms!

    Just got to look out for number 1! and Keep up the quit! 1 day down, Well Done!

    smileys.on-my-web.com/repos...

  • yeah , Im hooked on the case at the moment . I graduated in forensics in 2005 , so I shall be doing some digging today .

  • Forensics!

    Wow very impressive! Well Done!

    I will resist the urge to throw any cases I know your way to delve into for me ;) lol

  • Well Done Benite

    You have done so well up to now i am on day 8 and am so proud of myself!! I never thought i would get this far at all i think you are a very brave person and once you conquer these addictions you will feel so much better.

    Like you my brother smoked cannabis and the cough he has was a nitemare and my dad was diagonised with emphysama two years ago and he gave it all up the fags and the cannabis and he has never looked better everything has improved from his skin to his paranoia!! He smoked cannabis for years very heavily as well.

    Just thought i would tell you that so you know it can be done.

    So you go for it and try and stay positive!!!!!!!!:)

    Jules xx

  • thankyou so much

    Hi everyone, it's 4.41 on day two. I actually found yesterday easier than today , but after having read a few forum posts , I see this is quite common. Today I feel really sick , everyone seems to be saying that they snack a lot ... I can't eat at all ! I've had one slice of cheese on toast since yesterday morning :-( I guess with me giving up weed as well as nicotine , my appetite has disappeard with *the munchies * My body is just not used to getting hungry on it's own . I only managed 2 hours sleep last night so hopefully I'll get some extra shut eye tonight . I've cleaned cleaned cleaned.

    My God! I can't believe i've been living in this stoned dream for the past ten years ! My house looked like a bomb had hit it!!! back to the drawing board, or should I say hoover *psycho smile*

  • Heya Benite x Your doing outstandingly well! it's obviously so hard, the sickness etc must be awful! but to see that already you can see a difference in you're awareness must be a real wake up call!

    The cleaning thing is a great way to mentally help the whole quitting process. Onwards and upwards Benite, not saying it's easy but you are well on your way x x it's not much to cope with for your life back is it? x x

  • Hey Benite

    You are doing wonderfully well Benite, total agreement with Boudee, it's a double whammy for you but looks as though you are on your way!

    I had to watch my dad die of lung cancer 3 years ago and still that wasn't enough to make me give up til now, you just sort of know when you are ready I guess, and it sounds as though you are in that place right now.

    Hugs x

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