Hip pain back

[mrsmike9]

Well, the dreaded shot only lasted a week. Now I'm off to a back doctor on the 16th. It irks me when I can't tell if I'm falling apart in other ways or if it's MS related.

At least the biggest stress in my life has moved out. My youngest son (19 - adopted from Russia) has been diagnosed with PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder. He has moved out and we have been advised to not let him come back if things don't work out for him. We can help him find a new place to live, if this one doesn't work, but not to let him come back. I'm a terrible mother because I'm so relieved! Now I can heal from his mess in my life.

[ssdw1958]

Your not a terrible mother it’s just you need to have your space and he needs to have his space.

Now you can relax and start taking care of yourself.

I have to let you know my son and his wife moved in with my husband and my younger son. My daughter In Law was pregnant and she had a little girl which was great but they weren’t supposed to stay in the house that long. I know it’s not that easy and they were supposed to stay and help me guess what that didn’t happen. Then all of a sudden she went to visit her sister on the West coast for a two weeks. We were never told that she was never coming back. That was very painful my son joined her two weeks later. I do have to say it is peace full here. Then my brother in law wanted to move in and I said NO we are not doing that ever again.

Don’t feel bad you have to live your life peace fully. Enjoy the quietness.

[mrsmike9 in reply to ssdw1958]

The fact that he is mentally ill makes me feel guilty that I didn't see it earlier, prior to age 18, when we could have made him go for therapy.

[purpletustin]

Taking care of yourself does not make you a bad mother. Tough love makes you a strong, loving mom. Sometimes in our lives, no matter what we do/did as a parent makes no difference. Often we hear of a successful person who comes from horrible circumstances. We hear of someone who had it all, and managed to destroy it.

Nope, your son has been given tools to succeed and if he doesn't, you can't continuously enable him.

I think many of us don't know if what we are feeling is MS or some other issue. I'd been led to believe my severe back pain was fibromyalgia, MS, blah blah. Major back surgery has left me 100 percent pain free.

Best wishes for restoration of your emotional well being and improving health.

[greaterexp]

You're being a smart and helpful mom by helping him get the help he needs while preserving your own home. After dealing with issues that are somewhat similar to yours and seeing others go through it, my husband and I agreed that we will try to help people get in touch with resources and help them in other ways, but we won't be bringing people into our home again, family or not. I know there are exceptions, but it often does not end well for the one housing someone else who is troubled.

I'm so sorry you've been dealing with so much. I can hardly imagine the stress. You're very wise to realize that some people cannot really be helped by ourselves, and ruining our own home or level of peace never helps them. I am glad to tell you that we let a family member with Cluster B personality disorder stay with us, and it was so terribly stressful. Today, a few years later, this person is attempting to change their lifestyle, and our relationship is much better. I went from feeling my stress level go through the roof when this person's name was even mentioned to now being able to hug them. It can get better!

[goatgal]

mrsmike9buffering Two daughters (my sister's and mine) in our family have borderline personality disorder so we understand your experience. You did not cause the disorder, so you should not feel guilty for feeling relieved. We are all relieved when a hurricane moves on and diminishes in strength. We can empathize with those who are affected by the disorder, but when they are adults, they must help themselves to reduce the chaos they create. Go forward with your healing. You are not a terrible mother.

[mrsmike9]

Thanks all. I'm working on my button pictures for my own therapy to help put this entire mess out of my mind. Can't wait until next Monday to see the back doctor. Sunday AM my leg went numb for about an hour. Was so glad when it "woke up" again!