MS and marriage-ongoing

I want to say that I appreciate all of your comments. For those of you who inquired I do have two people: my sister in law and a neighbor who is a CNA who made themselves available when I need help. It was nice to hear from people who know what stress can do to your physical well being. You cannot see the disease but it can certainly wreck havoc. My husband and I own a bar, a 4 unit apartment building, a handicap usable house, a rental house, vehicles, etc-I have averaged 63000/annual before my MS and draw a decent monthly dis/ss. He has operated as manager of the properties and bar and draws 4800/annually. We have used my salary to live on and have everything paid down. All of my money including 401K and disability back pay has gone into the property payments/upkeep. The plan was to use the rents as supplement to SS. He filed for SS last month. He has basically decided that he should get all property because I can't take care of it anyway. He also figures that I make enough from SS monthly that I don't need anything else. My daughter wants me to move in with her but her house is not wheelchair friendly so it will cost about 15000 to make the needed modifications. II asking for the car, the rental house and 50000 to walk away. He says too much. M:y daughter and friends say take it to court, the lawyer I consulted said he would much rather be standing on my side of the courtroom than his-he says not enough and judges have hearts. The torment from my husband has been none stop-when I was at a dr apt he came in and took the land line phone, he has removed the registration out of the car, tells me that I cannot go into our bar if his slut is there, told me that he "left one in the chamber of his dad's old revolver on my jewelry box" in case I wanted to use it, his girlfriend text me at 11pm one night "I am in bed with your husband. Get some rest" I know the intent is to rattle me enough to run away and leave it all won't put the whole burden that is me on my daughter's shoulder. Just venting and reasoning out in my mind-Thanks for listening.

I

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7 Replies

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  • You're welcome. Keep us informed.

  • OMG Paula!! There are days where I think to myself "this can"t get any worse", but after reading your story I am truly wiping away the tears. I probably have no right to say this but your husband has no heart nor compassion for something that you have NO control over. I was pre-diagnosed in 2003 and officially diagnosed in 2007. I have a teaching degree from Purdue and went back to school at the age of 49 to be a Medical Assistant and I loved it. Unfortunately, I assisted on surgeries (removing cysts, moles etc.} but I had trouble remembering the steps of various procedures. My MS is much more cognitive than physical but is still seems to rear it's awful head at the worst times. I also have issues with my marriage in relation to the MS, my husband has early on-set dememtia and has a hard time seeing the pain of anyone except him self. So consequently I feel like I live alone. IT CAN BE HORRIBLE. If you ever just want to talk I am hear for you!!

    Sincerely,

    Martha

  • Get an attorney. Get the meanest, nastiest bulldog you can find. Your husband is acting without regard to law or morality (e.g., in the US, vehicle registration must be in the vehicle whenever it's being operated). He's trying to torture you, and he has therefore become the enemy. It may be hard to see him that way, but it's necessary. Treat him that way. And - speaking from my own awful experience - every time you have any interaction with him, remind yourself that he's the enemy.

    I gather you live in the US (as do I). Are you in a community property state? If so, your assets are shared. If not, you (and your attorney) can identify how much belongs to you.

    Get rid of the gun.

    Get a restraining order.

    Change the locks.

    File for divorce, per your attorney's advice. My view is the sooner the better.

    Get another phone.

    Do NOT simply walk away, no matter how much you may get. The law should decide what's appropriate. I like the way your attorney put it about judges having hearts.

    Best of luck!

  • Oh Paula, this is Fancy1959. I just wanted to say my heart goes out to you. What cruel, heartless, and soulless bast***d your husband and his wh**e are. Remember are you better, stronger, and tougher than they could ever hope to. Karma is a powerful force. They will pay for their sins against you if not in this life, the next. We will always be here and have many ears to listen to your concerns or shoulders to cry on when it all becomes to much to bear.

    Oh, and I would gift wrap his dad's gun, fill the chamber up, and get it back to him with a note saying "if your aim is as bad as your ability to stand up and be a man when times got tough, not run away like an immature, balless, little boy, I filled the chamber up. You will get what you deserve, if not in this life the next.

    Keep your chin up. I know that is easier said than done but remember stress is bad for you. Do something special for yourself. Take a cruise, drive to a beach, just get away. And lastly, reinvent yourself. Change your look, your hair style, your hair color, go to a spa, get pampered. If you need it, loose a few pounds, buy some new clothes, even if it's just an outfit or two.

  • Oh Paula, and like Kodaska said, get yourself the meanest attorney around and take your worthless ex - husband's but and run it through the wringer, bleed him dry, etc.! Fancy1959

  • Paula, it is Fancy1959 again. I was so upset and angry at the immature and down right mean behaviors and stress/scare tactics your husband was heaping on you that I used some words that were very off color in my initial reply to your original post. If I offended you or anyone else reading my post with the off color language I used, please forgive me. I think Kodaska advice was excellent and I hope you have already found assistance through the courts and legal system like he suggested. He had many excellent ideas. Please, please protect yourself by following his advice. Your husband scares me and makes me fear for you! I also want you to try and pamper yourself. Get away, reinvent yourself, and remember you are special and if your husband is too stupid to realize that it is his loss, not yours. We are here if you need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on.

  • Hi Paula, I'm feeling like you right now. My husband has been here and he takes me to the doctor appts. I'm not able to satisfy him sexually, I blame the fact that I'm numb from the waist down, but I feel he may go elsewhere for satisfaction, If this makes any sense. He tells me he would never do anything to hurt me and maybe I'm being naive, but it terrifies me. I know I'm not in the same boat as you but I know how you are feeling. The one person who promised to be there in sickness and health bailed when you needed him the most. I'm sorry for what you have to go through but I am always here if you need to talk.

    Shelly

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