Dealing with a lot of stress

[Turtlepie]

I have been having a lot put on my plate these last 4 or 5 days. My son that is 34 years old has been living with me for for awhile now and my boyfriend is not do happy about it. My son has some problems that I can't get into right now this post would run on for ever to explain about him. Long story short is he is trying to to get disability through the VA (veterans administration) but 5 days ago my boyfriend said my son needs to bring some money into the house in 2 months or my boyfriend will leave he said for that 2 months he will continue to support the house hold and also for an additional 2 months after he leaves but then nothing more. I cannot support even just myself if he doesn't contribute. There is more on this also but what money I have doesn't even pay all the house hold bills and doesn't allow for food and other household items. My boyfriend gives me the extra cash to pay the house hold bills and he buys all the groceries and other stuff. Last night my son's car broke down and once it got on the tow truck and they where getting ready to bring it here a semi truck hit the tow truck. Everyone in the tow truck are fine but the tow truck and my sons car are not and since the car was on the tow truck they want to hold on to it for their insurance to assess. My son believes that his car is totaled just as is the tow truck. His car is not a new or really nice car he only paid 800 dollars for it like 2 years ago and no telling how long before he gets any settlement. He is going to see a lawyer on Monday. He won't get much for it and if they do total it. This leaves me with the stress of what happens next with my boyfriend's threat to leave in 2 months and would he be staying now and will he be willing to let my son use the car I have to get to his VA appointments. The car is not in my name it's in my boyfriends . I didn't need this stress right now. Thanks for letting me vent.

[rjoneslaw]

I hope things workout b4 the 2 months

[Turtlepie in reply to rjoneslaw]

Thank you me too.

[Texandyroe in reply to rjoneslaw]

Oh, my goodness. My heart goes out to you. Wish I could do something to help, but what I can and will do is ray for you, your son, and your boyfriend.

[Turtlepie in reply to Texandyroe]

Thank you. I didn't put this up here to get anything but to get this off my chest. And maybe to get the prayers. I appreciate the prayers and that this place is here to vent

[Kenu]

It’s hard dealing with family and a relationship when money is one of the big issues 😖. Also more stress when it is used as a threat is not good. Have both of you sat down with your son and explain the circumstances and what’s going on ? I think you and your boyfriend need to be on the same page and back up each other or it won’t work. Maybe a contact with your son would make him understand his responsibility living at your house. He is 34 and I understand HE is your son, but sometimes we become the enabler which causes them to be lazy. Just a thought 💭. Good luck and wish you and your family well in the outcome 👍🙏😉 Ken 🐾🐾

[Turtlepie in reply to Kenu]

My son is not lazy and he was given things he must do around here in order to stay here and my boyfriend was agreeable to that even though he didn't want him here till now. My son has a problem that is to much to get into here and he is trying to get disability for it. We don't have a financial problem but I will if my boyfriend leaves.

[RoseySawyer in reply to Turtlepie]

I hope things with your boyfriend and son get better. 🙂💓🌹

[Turtlepie in reply to RoseySawyer]

Thank you

[RoseySawyer]

Vent all you want. I'm sorry you all are going though that hell. I hope the car thing gets settled pretty quick. God Bless. 🙏💓🌹

[Turtlepie in reply to RoseySawyer]

Thank you. It will take a while since he will be dealing with the the tow truck company and their insurance also the semi truck company and their insurance. It's going to be a little crazy. Blessings and prayers for you

[jimeka]

Sending a big hug and prayers that a solution will be found 🤗

[Turtlepie in reply to jimeka]

Thank you very much in need of prayers

[2littletime]

Praying that your son gets the help he needs at the VA & that your home life will settle down.🙏💖

[Turtlepie in reply to 2littletime]

Thank you. I have put it in God's hands and that's all I can do for now. In the mean time I will be crocheting my butt off. Will be posting another finished project soon

[jackiesj]

Interesting I just saw this....idea...im not there so I do not know...but here goes...Now especially everyone is high alert stress..

1)sit all three down and draw out a contract and all sign it...set that target date of son out of home also...if that is what is wanted.

ask yourself...would you let him walk if it weren't for $ of which I understand all too well.

the word LOVE comes in....you love both...ask why are you in the middle.These are two men...grown men.....my heart goes to you.noone with any sense pits a child and mother.There is a time to grow up though and kenu very wise words not to hurt.prayers.

[Turtlepie in reply to jackiesj]

Thank you for your idea. There was an understanding that when my son moved in that when he has exhausted all available avenues that he is not to be here anymore. My son has to do things around the house and he does them. I would not want my boyfriend to leave and I don't want him here just for his money. This guy at the VA is sure that he will get his VA disability so with the hopes of that he is to move out once that comes in. How long before he gets it is unknown. But the government doesn't do things fast. I appreciate your input and prayers.

[jackiesj in reply to Turtlepie]

He is a veteran, you must thank him for serving....it is unfortunate with shutdowns things wait..best wishes...always.

[Turtlepie in reply to jackiesj]

I will thank him for you. Thank you so much. My son is a very sweet guy he is like a teddy bear

[Hidden]

I'm so sorry you are going through all this. Know that we are here for you. Vent all you need to. Sometimes, life sucks.

[Turtlepie in reply to Hidden]

Thank you I feel this is a safe place to be. I am not new to how things can be crap but it has been a long time since I have had to deal with this much

[goatgal]

You have a church community that may be as devoted to you as you are to the prayer shawl ministry. Some one in that circle might have a vehicle to loan your son (with an option to buy it when the insurance money comes through), or the ability to take your son to his VA appointments, or ideas for how to ease the financial woes if other options don't work out with the b.f.

[Turtlepie in reply to goatgal]

Thank you. I have already ready talked with my pastor. I just was feeling so overwhelmed with all this that I needed to vent in a safe place and in a place that understands that stress effects our illness. And if he leaves he leaves. Thank you again I appreciate all the advice and concern

[MarkUpnorth]

Condolences? Been in a similar yet different situation, for years, with my son. It took nearly everything I had left out of me. The good in this, it finally got resolved by my son moving out his decision. Helped him a bit to get going in life, then he was able to stand on his own. Now he doing quite well! All's Happy, Healthy, doing well. Has his own girlfriend/family. It can happen after eternity? (No, it just felt like it). Sorry, But you'll get there.

[Turtlepie in reply to MarkUpnorth]

Thank you so much. My son doesn't want to be here and he does plan on moving out out as soon as he can there is just no way right now. He hasn't been here very long just about 7 months. A friend of his is trying to get an apartment and will let him move in with him but all that takes time also there is all the deposits for the utilities and apartment plus first and last months rent. My son has really tried to work and I am just glad that he was able to finish his military contract. His problem is so complex it is hard to explain

[DIsneyQueen]

I am sorry you are under so much stress. I will add you to my prayers and believe that God will wrap you in his arms and get you through this.

[Turtlepie in reply to DIsneyQueen]

Thank you so much I really appreciate it.

[mrsmike9]

I sell insurance. Let the semi insurance company know that your son needs a rental. That they cannot argue with. Check around to see what a car like your sons' might be selling for at a used car lot. If you don't find one, call them and see what they would sell one for if they had one on the lot. That is ammunition for you. When the insurance company gives a dollar amount of what they will pay you DO NOT HAVE TO ACCEPT IT. Tell them what you have learned and hold fast to that amount. They will want to settle as your son is using a rental that they are paying for.

Good luck.

[Turtlepie in reply to mrsmike9]

Thank you for that information I will tell my son about this this might help him feel more comfortable. Thank you so much

[mrsmike9 in reply to Turtlepie]

Feel free to ask questions!

[Turtlepie in reply to mrsmike9]

Thank you

[mrsmike9 in reply to Turtlepie]

My pleasure! It's a boring job but at least I can help people!

[Turtlepie in reply to mrsmike9]

It's good that you are there to help. This is all confusing

[hairbrain4]

Sorry you are having to go through all that. You need to put you first though. Your health and your life should be top priority. Your son is an adult and there are things he can do besides live with you. The VA does have other programs that are helping them. I understand that he has problems and as a Mom you want to help him as much as you can because you don't want to see him hurt. But if you aren't ok and able to take care of yourself then you won't be able to help anyone. Prayers for you and your family that you can get things worked out soon.

[Turtlepie in reply to hairbrain4]

Thank you so much. He is going to look into everything he can. He never wanted to cause any problems

[6092177588]

God provides wisdom and guidance.