Hello everyone, I wanted to ask all the spouses if anybody is going through the same thing as me. My husband was diagnosed with MS back in 2014. And even though our marriage has never been perfect, we have been able to work things out. But the past couple of years have been really bad. I have been taking my husband's insults for all these years, and I mean I have been calle the worst things possible, and I've been telling myself that he does it because he is in pain. Well now we have kids and unfortunately they have been witnessing this verbal abuse almost every day. Yes, there are moments where we are the happy family, but most of the time we are arguing. I am starting to see how it is affecting my kids, because of the way they're acting up. And I have decided this is enough, and I asked him for a divorce. I love my husband with all my heart, but I don't want my kids to grow up thinking this is ok. Unfortunately the verbal abuse has affected me so much that I haven't been able to show affection towards my husband.... I might be oversharing, but I want to know if theres anybody else who is in the same situation??
Asking an Ms patient for Divorce - My MSAA Community
Asking an Ms patient for Divorce
sorry to hear all your troubles. I've no experience in the challenges you have (other than being so angry with my partner that I could not show any affection during those times). Would you be able to get a marriage counselor?
I would love to get counseling, but unfortunately my husband is not willing to go..
I know my mum had to break up with my younger brother's father because he was psychologically abusing her and gaslighting her to no end. Her final straw with him was him punching a cupboard door, causing it to split. Mum managed to get the house because there was no trace of him ever paying the mortgage. My brother is getting better, though he has picked up some of his father's behaviours. He's gaslit his (now ex) girlfriend, threatening to jump off a bridge that goes over the train line that is on the way to school. Thankfully, someone managed to get him down before he jumped, but he's had to and be seen by psych nurses because of it. He is getting better, but mainly because he's recognised his father's subsequent relationships quickly end because of him, and our hopefully future stepdad is a saint and wouldn't dare to think of hurting any of us. We laugh about brother's father now, and have given him the nickname d¡ckhead. My own partner had heard everything about him, and was with me when mum broke up. He is still disgusted about d¡ckhead's behaviour, and him and stepdad stand behind all of us.
I would recommend having your children attend therapy before they have that behaviour ingrained into how they expect to treat their future partners ❤️🫂
Sorry to hear about your husband and how he is treating you. I don’t have any experience with this but several of my friends have had the verbal abuse and a couple changed to physical abuse. I’m sure it’s hard to give up on your relationship but you also have your kids to think about. You are in a good place to vent and hopefully able to come to a conclusion 👍🏼🙏😉
MS (or any other chronic illness) is no excuse for abuse of any kind.
I was in a marriage like you've described, and I stayed too long. Even with therapy, my kids were permanently damaged and still struggle with everyday life 20 years later. Wanting to preserve your marriage is honorable, and it's a lot more complicated when you still love your husband, but I think that for the kids' sake you need to get rid of him. With any luck, it'll push him into getting some help with his behavior so that he can maintain a relationship with the children as they grow up.
Mine had to go no-contact with their father because he actually got worse as time passed. It makes me sad that they never had a male figure to look up to, but things would have been so much worse if we'd stayed.
Abuse verbal or physical with or without children is UN dignafied wheatear there is a disease or not! Get rid of him! You love what he once was NOT what he has become! Your children DON'T & neither do you need his abuse. the faster you shut him down the better it will be for all of you. I am sure it hurts to even think about BUT you don't need the abuse & he could turn physical at any time which you nor the children need. It sounds like he needs help as he has trouble dealing with his diagnoses anyway you look at it. Please get help before he hurts you or one of the children. I am praying for you & your situation. Mary
I'm not a MS'r spouse, but I vote for family therapy for you and the kiddos.
MS does not turn people into verbally abusive (expletive) idiots. Please be safe and keep your children safe. when the children Witness abuse they are being abused. Get help soonest. don't fall for the "i'll change" line.
I agree with what everyone is saying here. Verbal abuse isn’t ok. I’m not sure MS pain can be the explanation for all that. If he hears you’re considering leaving, would that motivate him to go to counseling with you? My ex-husband left 12 years ago and the house became much more quiet and peaceful after that. Definitely a good thing for my two kids, and eventually for me too.
recently i separated from mine. it's much more quiet and peaceful although some things like taking out the garbage are difficult I'm managing.
I know how you feel, a 17 year old son once said “the best thing that ever happened to me was the divorce”.
thank you all so much for your encouraging words! unfortunately he doesn't want to accept that he needs counseling, he just tells me to go, but he doesn't want to go.
Counseling can help you & your children cope whether you stay or leave. This is not an MS thing. It's called Narcissism. Your husband will not get any better unless he gets help, he will only get worse. A narcissist is a very self centered person that doesn't think very highly of him/herself. To make themselves feel more worthy they have to put others down. They can turn violent verbally & physically as time passes. Think long & hard & pray if you can, for the wisdom you need to make a decision. Pray for you & your family.🤗🙏🙏🙏
Hi dakaale28 Look, abuse is Abuse! And verbal abuse? It is worse, because it cant be seen... and lasts so much longer. You were here a few yrs ago with the same question luv.... l guess you need to decide where you want to be next yr 🤗💕🌠
hi. I am the ms patient and now he’s said he wants a divorce. He has similarly been gaslighting me and verbally abusing me. Now I’m disabled he wants a divorce. I believe it’s because I can’t do everything for him anymore. I don’t think anyone should have to suffer this abuse at all. This ms and going through all of its fun has helped me see the light. He is cheating on me now. I know this is hard very hard but we have to do what we have to do. Our sanity is important! He recently went away for his moms funeral. I’m sorry for that. But his buttholeness has made me totally appreciate and enjoy his absence. It will be hard but totally worth it
My husband has been having an emotional affair.
Not MS?
Depression and MS 🐦
