For the past month I had been going through a point of regret and loneliness because I destroyed my relationship because I started getting sick a year ago. At the time I didn’t give him a choice on if he wanted to stay with me. I just felt like I would be another burden because his mother has dementia.
Recently I started wondering how do I get him back.
Then out of nowhere Facebook decided it wanted to start sending me notifications that he posted something. (No I never read or opened them) He tends to post something everyday sometimes two to three times a day. Just to keep his fan base from forgetting him. He has a radio show on Sunday about real estate.
That being said. Once I started getting sick I attacked him telling him his fans were more important than I was. I also made sure to stress or point out everything he did to annoy me but never said because you deal or ignore it when you “care/ like /love” someone.
Since then I did talk to him a couple of months ago because I wanted to know if he was ok because there was a gas explosion three doors down from his house. When he called I could tell he was happy to talk to me. I never let on that I missed him.
Then I read an article on MultipleSclererosis.net titled “Did MS Ruin My Marriage”, after reading the article I felt a little better because I wasn’t the only one to do what I did. He explained he has moved on and how he now has a great relationship with her now.
The article gave me a sense of relief.
Here is the link to the article it may help someone else cope.
rjoneslaw , I'm sorry about the loss of that relationship and for the pain you've gone through. I do hope that a wonderful person will come your way who will love you as you are.
Thanks I think because I'm not working and I don't do anything anymore time is playing with me.
You are right if it's suppose to happen it will.
Strange thing about us we met at a networking event and he immediately went home an emailed for a date and sent an linkedin invite. I saw the linkedin invite responded to that but never to the email because I never saw it. A year later I see him and from there we dated. So who knows what the future holds. Right now my health is my main concern. He knew of my MS and he accepted it. I was the issue.
Well I am 44 and wasn't able to find the heart of gold I was looking for prior to MS so I am pretty sure I haven't a shred of hope now. I get alot of smiles but that's as far as it goes. I am fairly certian that I am permanently single and just have to accept and deal with it. The times where I am feeling unwanted, unneeded and unloved are hard. Then again there are days like yesterday where I just want to be left alone in my suffering and wouldn't want someone to have to watch how bad I feel. Today is better and on these days when I am feeling somewhat normal that it is alot harder. The dark cloud of loneliness shrouds over me and it opens the door to a depressive state with feelings of worthlessness. The relationships that I have been in my life have always been hard enough, throw my now fragile heart and I don't know if I could handle a broken heart if things didn't work out on top of it all. Quite frankly, women scare the crap out of me now. I dont know that i could handle someone coming into my life, giving me hope then possibly deciding they just couldn't do it with my MS baggage. It's a tough place to be in.
You took the words right out of my mouth. I think for me the relationship boat has sailed. I was diagnosed 3 years ago. In that time I've had 2 first dates with men who didn't know I had MS. In the interest of fairness I let them know and thus, no second dates. I was seeing someone at the time of my diagnosis and that ended abruptly with no explanation.
I did revisit a previous relationship and quickly realized it's a lot of work to date and be sick. Just showering and doing hair/makeup is exhausting. I chose to end that relationship because things for me are so different now...physically, emotionally, cognitively.
I'm not sure what the answer is. Sometimes the loneliness is overwhelming, but I don't have the patience or fortitude to invest in anyone at this point.
Thank you for sharing your relationship story and that great article from MS.net, rjoneslaw . Here's another one that might interest you and everyone else, written by one of our MS Conversations blog guest writers, Stacie Prada. It includes 10 questions she compiled on important relationship traits for living well with her MS:
"Relationship Questions I’ll Ask Now That I Live With A Chronic Illness"
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