How to Live with Extreme Contamination OCD?

[ollieander]

Hi! I’m an 18 year old who has been struggling with multiple mental illnesses since I was little, and one of the most recent and intense ones has been OCD. I experience very extreme moral OCD surrounding what people think of me and contamination OCD that is mostly focused around bugs, specifically bedbugs. The latter one is what I need help with. My fear of getting bugs is seriously interfering with my life. I’m afraid to go places because of the minuscule chance that bedbugs will be there and will get on my clothes. I don’t even want to go to the store or restaurants. Not even my own house is safe. I have to check my room for bugs every single night before I sleep. It kinda feels like that if I was to get bugs, I would rather not exist, which is why I get so distressed and scared. I don’t want to live my life like this. I want to visit friends and travel and be able to do things without being so overwhelmed by fear of bugs that I completely shut down. I’m trying a new medication but right now I’m lying awake unable to sleep because I can’t stop thinking about the possibility that there are bugs in my room and I just don’t see them. It’s a constant fear that takes up hours of my day and makes me miserable. Does anyone have any ways to make this easier to deal with? Or anyone who experiences similar things because I feel so helpless and defeated and alone. Thank you for your time.

[Egggen]

i am so sorry to hear this, I can relate to the feeling where you are helpless and alone becausr of your mental state. I hope your medication will work🙏🏻

[ollieander in reply to Egggen]

Thank you!

[deValentin]

You probably constantly check for bedbugs, avoid places where they may be, and can’t stop thinking about the possibility that there are bugs in your room because you can't think of any other way to end your disturbing thoughts in that regard. The good news is that there is a better way for your disturbing thoughts to go way: exposure and response prevention therapy.

Try to stop engaging in avoidance of triggers, compulsions, and ruminations in regard to the possibility presence of bedbugs in your surroundings. It will be difficult at first because the mood and intrusive thoughts of the moment are going to push you in the direction of OCD. Doing what OCD wants you to do does provide some relief, but anxiety returns after a while.

I'm going to mention two cognitive bias you need to go against in order to win your fight against OCD.

1. Present bias: Present bias is the tendency to settle for a smaller present reward rather than wait for a larger future reward, in a trade-off situation. It describes the trend of overvaluing immediate rewards, while putting less worth in long-term consequences (Wikipedia). In your case, it's tempting to seek immediate relief from your disturbing thoughts instead of aiming for the life you want in the future.

2. Zero-risk bias: Zero-risk bias is a tendency to prefer the complete elimination of risk in a sub-part over alternatives with greater overall risk reduction (Wikipedia). In other words, it's tempting to seek to eliminate all risks in a narrow area (potential presence of bedbugs) at the expense of your overall quality of life. Look at the big picture and think about the hefty price you need to pay in regard to your overall happiness in order to reach an inaccessible goal: the elimination of all possibilities of bedbugs presence.

Present actions constantly turn into past actions, which are fixed and done. What do you think now of your past actions? You're saying "I don’t want to live my life like this". So, right now, your past actions are a source of distress. So, ask yourself, "What can I do now for my past actions to become a source of satisfaction and self-esteem?". It's not always easy to do it, but it's worth it in the end.

[ollieander in reply to deValentin]

Thank you so much for the response! I haven’t thought about the past and present actions like that so thank you for adding that perspective. Would a good first step be to resist the compulsions such as checking my room every night and frequently washing clothes and showering? Even just the thought of not doing the compulsions seems outlandish to my mind but I am willing to push through because I don’t want the OCD to control so much of my life.

[deValentin in reply to ollieander]

You can make a hierarchy of what would be difficult to stop, from the least difficult to the most difficult. Then you can undertake the easier tasks first. It's often overwhelming to aim too high at the beginning. Success breeds success. If you find a more effective way in the long run to appease your mind than engaging in compulsions or ruminations, OCD will lose its power because the sole purpose of compulsions or ruminations is to seek a way to appease your mind and put an end to your disturbing thoughts. Recovery is often a bumpy road. Don't worry too much if you experience some relapses along the way. Just get up and start fresh again.