so very sad…

[2boys2girls]

After resisting compulsions and feeling a bit better for almost a full week, which is huge accomplishment, OCD has made my son miss his grandmother’s funeral. The fear is that he has some unknown illness that will spread and kill beloved family members. I’m at a loss as to how to help him anymore. I just want my son back. My heart is broken.

[FirstResponder23]

hello,

I’m really sorry to hear how tough OCD is right now. Have you tried looking for a therapist, someone who specializes in OCD? I know for me going to therapy and learning exposure response therapy and more about OCD has really helped me.

OCD with out help can be really confusing and hard. But hearing from someone who specializes in it that there are so many people out there going the almost the exact same fears is very comforting in the beginning. I pray that he is able to find some relief soon.

[deValentin]

It's normal to want to eliminate a threat, or possibility of harm, in one's environment. For instance, I don't want to catch the flu, so I get vaccinated. By eliminating the threat or preventing the harm, you feel safer, and your anxiety goes down.

However, for some people there is no match between the elimination of a threat and the level of anxiety. There are no objective threats and they still feel anxious, which drives them to imagine threats, like in the case of your son. There is also the opposite scenario. Some people don't feel anxious when they should be because there is a real danger (recklessness).

Maybe you could explain to your son that, in order to feel better in the long run, he should seek other ways to reduce his anxiety than avoiding gatherings for fear of contaminating others when there is no reason to be afraid of that. There are many healthy ways to regain peace of mind like listening to music, going for a walk, studying or working, socializing, etc. Of course, it's initially more difficult to learn to get used to a certain degree of uncertainty in life and cope with one's problems in a realistic manner, but it's worth it in the end. It's a matter of choosing the larger, later (LL) reward (making wise decisions) over the smaller, sooner (SS) reward (warding off imaginary threats).

I understand it breaks your heart to see your son in that condition. However, there is nothing you can do beside encouraging him to continue with his OCD treatment and bounce back after a relapse. OCD recovery is often a bumpy road.

[2boys2girls in reply to deValentin]

Thank you.

[Lauragbr]

Your son has had a setback and while it’s disappointing you have to expect them. Recovery is not linear. Look as a setback as a sign with how far your son has come. Remind him of that. Keep going forward.

[2boys2girls in reply to Lauragbr]

Thank you❤️

[Sallyskins]

It must be so painful for you to watch your son suffer - it must indeed feel like you've lost him. But he's still there, beneath the OCD, and he can get his life back and you can get him back.

But this is just a setback. It's often as they say - two steps forward and one step back. That's still one step forward - and it makes all the difference.

It's normal to have a little setback after a lot of progress - and it sounds as though your son made a lot of progress. It is, of course, upsetting for you and the rest of your family that your son missed his grandmother's funeral, but I'm sure he can remember his grandmother in other ways.

I know how difficult it was for my mother to watch me suffer, and supportive as she was, I know she often felt useless and unable to help me. But she did help me - as I know you are helping your son just by being there for him.

After a setback comes a renewed attack on the OCD. Allow him to rest a little and take stock, and then he can have another go at resisting compulsions. CBT and ERP aren't always easy to do, and they do deplete your energy - but they are effective.

Try to take the positives from this - he made progress, and will do so again.

[2boys2girls in reply to Sallyskins]

Thank you so much. Your words renew my faith.