Feel lost now regarding therapy

[lavender514]

Hi guys, hope you all are doing well this week. This week was a pretty good week in that the OCD thoughts and feelings did not affect me so much and I was able to participate actively in life.

At the same time, I suddenly had the fear that if I went to therapy (today), the OCD thoughts and feelings would come back and I would go back to feeling worse. My mind was telling me that if I feel okay this week I should just postpone it. I had the thought that maybe somehow talking about it would trigger it.

In spite of these fears, I kept the appointment and went for my therapy session today. Throughout the session I had this ominous feeling growing, checking, to see if the feelings were back. And somehow, suddenly it did feel like they were back. I was devastated to feel like this again and upset I ruined my progress, and worried I would never get better.

I shared all these with my therapist, and she talked about how we want to expose to and embrace uncertainty, and we want to teach our brain that we can cope with bad feelings if they arise.

As she shared all these, my brain kept giving me doubts about the therapy. It told me that therapy would make my condition worse. It told me that my therapist doesn't know what she's doing. It told me that I would be better off doing self-treatment. It told me that I was doing more harm than good.

As I left therapy, I felt worse than before I came in, which further fueled my thought that therapy is harmful and making things worse. Hence I feel lost.

We are planning to do exposure scripts and I am really afraid this would make things worse. I feel afraid that scripting all my OCD fears would just enhance them and do more harm. I feel afraid writing or saying it out loud would trigger them. If I am feeling okay at the moment, why would I want to trigger them and feel worse, and upset the apple cart?

This is so frustrating, my mind is telling me to quit therapy, or only go when I don't feel good.

Just want to hear your thoughts on this, and if you have any stories to share from your personal experience with therapy.

[Torturedbyocd]

Ocd is angry you are trying to get rid of it so its doing everything in its power to trap you. As upsetting as it may be, talking about the OCD will obviously trigger some thoughts, but this is nessecary for recovery and getting your life back. No one said it was going to be easy. I wish you best

[Lauragbr in reply to Torturedbyocd]

Agree! OCD will not go quietly. When it knows you’re getting better it will try and find a way to hold on to you. Remember it wants attention! Keep working with your therapy. If you stop OCD will have won.

[Sallyskins in reply to Lauragbr]

That's a good analogy! It feels as though OCD is a toxic partner or friend that won't leave you alone - needy and constantly demanding attention!

[lavender514 in reply to Torturedbyocd]

thank you, i will push on with the therapy

[Mom2DnJ]

sounds like OCD is TRYING to attack what you value…ERP therapy. Don’t let OCD win. 🩵

[lavender514 in reply to Mom2DnJ]

ok i am not going to let it win!!

[3BirdLover]

I have been through therapy with Exposure Therapy as well as learning a bunch of tips that help me when the "bully" comes around. There are so many things to learn and so many different techniques that will help you. It's true that we need to learn to deal with uncertainty in our lives. I've learned that some tips and techniques work better than others.

You are definitely on the right track. As you learn from the therapist, make notes on what seems to work better for you. Be aware of yourself so you can do this.

What works great for me is to make an index card for each tip that I learn. Some of them include:

* OCD is a bully

* Feelings are not necessarily truth

* Maybe or Maybe Not

* Do NOT react immediately. WAIT and calm yourself. Take some deep breaths in and out to help calm yourself. Reassure yourself that it's ok to wait.

* Tell OCD " thanks for reminding me about this. Now I have to go" and let it softly stream out of your mind into oblivion.

* Yell at OCD and tell it to leave you alone, hit the road, get lost, kick it to the curb

Remember that you are NOT OCD... OCD is a separate bully that just loves to intimidate you. Just because I get anxious, doesn't mean it's valid.

I found that little by little, I will find that these become automatic reactions that are very good. I don't need to get the physical cards out as much as I did. They become ingrained into my head.

It's hard but we have to take the risk of exposure. It doesn't have to be a big jump, in fact it should not be. Just tiny baby steps little by little. If you are VERY uncomfortable with an exposure, ask your therapist if he/she can do a little bit lighter exposure.

EXAMPLE:

Maybe you are totally afraid of going into a grocery store. You do NOT have to just go completely in the store on the first time. Maybe an exposure of just driving into the parking lot in and out is enough for the first few times. This is what I'm referring to. It's not 100% or nothing. You can do 10%!!!!

Hope this helps. Practice "self care" and take pride in very small steps. You can do this!!!

[lavender514 in reply to 3BirdLover]

thank you so much birdlover. I will practice self care and try my best, and push on with the therapy, thank you!!