Embarrassed to be in Public

[TryingToImprove360]

Sorry for the nature of this post which is embarrassing to write. I’ve had an anal skin tag for as long as I can remember. It can make hygiene difficult due to the location, but I don’t think that after a shower it remains an issue. Nonetheless, for the last few months I’ve developed this intrusive thought where I fear going into a public place or being with people because I think I will smell like feces.

No one has before told me that I do, and, for example, I am every day at home near my daughter watching tv on the couch and everything, and if there were a bad smell she would tell me. This is still killing my confidence. I tell myself how can I improve in life when that requires being out there and being social- whether with friends and workmates, when I have this issue. This is more and more hurting my progress and confidence in life. Please help.

[deValentin]

This issue is hurting your confidence in life maybe because it occupies your thoughts while in the company of others and prevents you from fully engaging in the conversation and forgetting about it.

You may have heard of the pink elephant paradox: the more you try to suppress a thought, the more it becomes intrusive. Your predicament is somewhat similar to what people with a Body Dysmorphic Disorder experience. Their attention is so focused on a supposed physical flaw that they find it extremely difficult to think about anything else while interacting with others (or being alone for that matter).

The solution is to try focusing on the life you really want to live while letting unwanted thoughts come and go freely. With good experiences and the passing of time unwanted thoughts should eventually leave us reasonably alone.

The human mind is often faced with two opposite temptations:

1. The temptation of not getting used to what it should get used to, like imperfections and a certain degree of uncertainty. We can't control everything in life, and it's not always easy to accept it.

2. The temptation of getting used to what it shouldn't get used to, like a suboptimal life. Sometimes we're not making the best possible decisions in life, and it's easy to get used to that state of affairs (slippery slope). From time to time we should ask ourselves, what would we do if we could start our life all over again? and go in that direction without unnecessary delay.

[TryingToImprove360 in reply to deValentin]

Thank you deValentin that is very helpful! It seems like temptation 2 almost automatically flows from temptation 1, and I see it's good to be aware of both to better be able to avoid them.

[deValentin in reply to TryingToImprove360]

You're right. If we get used to what it would be good to get used to, like imperfections and some level of uncertainty, it becomes easier to focus on goals in line with our values and look sometimes at our situation with new eyes, and vice versa. It's a virtuous cycle.

[IStillHaveHope]

Hello - It sounds like your OCD is causing you to obsess over how you appear to others. I know how bad that can make you feel. It also sounds like you're ruminating and looking for reassurance on how you smell (Thinking that the shower should be enough, thinking that your daughter would tell you). These too are obsessions and are part of the OCD cycle. All you can do is your best and move towards what you value. I would think that part of ERP would be to "take the chance" and get out there and interact with people and let the thoughts be there. Over time, your brain will realize that this isn't a big threat and react appropriately.

OCD can make us isolate ourselves and that (in my opinion) is one of the biggest mistakes we can make. Doing that causes us to spiral. Don't let fear stop you from living the life you want to live.

OCD tells us the opposite of what we value. From that I can tell that you're probably a very caring loving individual that doesn't want to offend anyone and takes care not too.

Another question I have. Have you ever talked to a doctor about your skin tab? It sounds like this is something they could probably remove without much problem. I have skin tabs myself and have had several removed and it was a quick and simple procedure.

I really hope you find the peace you deserve my friend. May God bless you.

[TryingToImprove360 in reply to IStillHaveHope]

Thank you!

"OCD can make us isolate ourselves and that (in my opinion) is one of the biggest mistakes we can make."

That's very true! I often have alienated myself in the past due to OCD, and without OCD I'm a social person. To do well at my work requires interacting with multiple people. I also used to teach in after school programs.

I have consulted with a doctor (a few actually) about having them removed. Most doctors wont do this where I am. One said he would, but said I will be in a lot of pain for like a week. My understanding is that removal is not always successful either, so I'm still debating.

[IStillHaveHope in reply to TryingToImprove360]

You're very welcome

That's the best advice I've gotten on this journey. Go into the uncertainty and live the life you choose to live. The OCD will be there (and that's okay) but move towards what you value

[Midori]

In Britain, we have something called Anusol Wipes. They are greatly soothing to that part of the body. Ask in your Pharmacy if they have them or something similar.

See your doctor about the skin tag; they can be removed relatively easily.

Cheers, Midori