Hi all,
Just looking for support as I’m currently going through one of the hardest things I’ve ever dealt with in my life. I’ve always been an extremely cautious person, and valued my health a ton. In the process of fixing my OCD, I’ve learned to take more chances and stop letting fear/small risks stand in my way. Unfortunately, I got a bit too lenient with taking chances.
I had unprotected oral sex with someone I was mutually exclusive with (or so I thought). I knew they had gotten oral cold sores in the past, but I figured the chance of them spreading when not present was virtually non existent. I used to fret over small risks an extreme amount, and decided to let it go for once. It’s been two weeks since my first exposure, and I’ve been experiencing symptoms that all line up with genital herpes. Itchy/tingly feelings in the genital area and buttocks and pain/soreness that extends down the back of my legs. I’m absolutely horrified. I thought it was my OCD in the beginning but its becoming all too real to be. I am terrified for what my future holds, and I need support/advice of how to cope in the meantime (takes 4-6 weeks or more to show on a test). No, I haven’t had any blisters yet, except a pimple that came and went on my lip and a blocked pore on my genital that also came and went — so i assumed they were nothing. Please give me support. My mother is disgusted with my choices, and my ex turned out to be hooking up w other people the whole time and is now spreading lies about me around our workplace — please dont tell me not to “shit where you eat” I’ve heard this expression enough and I can’t go back and change things as much as i wish i could.
Needing Support For SEVERE OCD
When I stopped the OCD
Scrupulosity OCD. ****Trigger Warning***
Scrupulosity OCD- Catholic
This sounds like a rough experience, but there isn't anything that you can do about it right now. If you spend your time focusing on this, it is going to overwhelm everything else, while you still have a life to live.
I think that the most helpful thing to do right now is to set aside 5 minutes each day to worry about the possibility of herpes. If you find yourself worrying about things outside of that time, save your worry for that 5 minutes later in the day and move back to whatever it is that you want to be doing or thinking about. For those 5 minutes, you can check things as much as you want and keep a log of symptoms. Outside of those 5 minutes, no matter how much your brain may tell you that this is danger and needs to be addressed, thank it for the warning and move back to what you want to do.
I'm assuming that you've already done enough research about herpes that you can just stop doing any more for now. Schedule an appointment for the 4-6 weeks out, but no more research after that.
Thank you Selesnya!!! This is extremely helpful. I’m starting to think my OCD really is just making me think I feel symptoms, the brain really is powerful. I guess I need to just accept the uncertainty of whether or not it’s real or in my head until I can get tested. It’s horrifying when legitimate health concerns and OCD combine but I will get through no matter the outcome.
I appreciated how you stated "It's horrifying when legitimate health concerns and OCD combine." I have endured having OCD focused on my own oral herpes for 35 years. I think I caught them as a child from my mother. After the birth of my 3rd child, I literally felt my mind snap in the middle of the night. I became so scared that I would infect my children. I have not kissed anyone in 35 years. I do not touch my mouth without scrubbing my hands. I can't use exposure therapy because there is a real chance I could infect someone. The one drug that has saved me at all is acylovir. God bless the doctor who prescribed it for me to take daily.
You're right, it's horrifying when they combine. Luckily for myself I went to the doctor and they do not think I have herpes. But this episode has now sparked a fear of kissing as well (except mine is now due to being afraid of getting infected, not infecting others). My OCD is still harping on the small chance that I may still have herpes and not know it, but I'm doing my best to just put it away for now. But I know that in future relationships I'm going to encounter this fear again. I'm sorry you've dealt with this, but glad you can understand where I'm coming from. Thank you