Could this be OCD?

[auxilos]

Hi, I've only recently come to learn about OCD, but while I do check off most of the symptoms, I keep doubting if I have OCD or if my thoughts are real and I'm just using OCD as an excuse. So I was wondering if you could give me your opinions on whether my symptoms sound like those of OCD.

1. When I was younger I would refuse to study if my books weren't aligned by their size. I would be too preoccupied with organizing them that I wouldn't pay attention in my classes, and one of the teacher got sick of it and told me that 'it won't matter to you as much when you realize that your education is more important' and took my books away.

2. When walking up or down the stairs, I have to match the numbers of the stairs each foot has stepped on. If I don't, my feet would feel uncomfortable, rather distressing and 'just not right', so I often stomp my feet or intentionally step on a sidewalk crack to 'even them out'. If the stairs are in odd number I go back or occasionally climb two stairs at once to match the number. In addition to this, as a kid I would tie my shoelaces over and over again until both feet felt exactly the same. Or else I would get concerned with that the whole day. Also I have this weird thing where I tell myself that "if your footsteps match the person going up/down the stairs in front of you(if the person in front of my stepped the next stair with their left/right foot and I stepped on with the same foot), then you will become similar to that person ". I'm always aware of this 'rule' when walking the stairs that I change my steps to match or oppose those of a person in front of me. I don't want to keep doing this because it gets rather stressing but I keep jinxing myself.

3. This is a weird one, but when i first learned about pregnancy in 5th grade I freaked out that I might be pregnant. I had to punch my belly at least 3 times a day to reassure myself and get rid of the anxiety until I finally learned how babies were made.

4. Currently I've been obsessing over my sexuality for 2 years. I doubt and doubt and doubt until I no longer have any energy left to think, analyze or doubt, usually after a panic attack and severe anxiety. I'm always asking myself 'what if' and my brain keeps telling me that if i got to the bottom of this i could figure out the answer, which makes me think even more just to find anxiety at the bottom. I spent at least 2 hours a day searching on web about SO-OCD symptoms and every waking hour doubting my sexuality. Just 2 years ago, I was happy, had crushes on boys, etc. but now I'm even avoiding my friends because they might trigger the anxiety which sometimes feel so real that it almost convinces me. Before SO-OCD when someone asked me if I thought I could be attracted to the same sex I said "lol as much as i have nothing against the LGBTQIA+ community, I'm not" but now I question everything. Then I doubt if it even is OCD because as I said I haven't been diagnosed by a professional, which is when "what if I'm just using OCD as an excuse?" type of questions pop up.

I feel like I'm living with two brains now, the 'okay and clear' one and the 'not so okay, extremely scary and confusing' one.

Does any of these match your experience? Please share your opinions.

[LuvSun]

Hi auxilos! It sounds like OCD to me. You might want to mention to your MD.

[auxilos in reply to LuvSun]

Thank you for your opinion!

[avoidingthebadthings]

Yup. That's all OCD with extreme anxiety. You'll feel much better once you get help from a professional, whether that's via medication, medication + therapy, or therapy. I think just getting on some anti-anxiety meds will help you right away to calm down the number of thoughts in your brain and help you see what's going on. You can get a handle on this. Bravo to you for reaching out for help. Keep doing so. It's extremely painful to live with that kind of constant pressure going on in your mind, and I'm sorry you've had to deal with it by yourself thus far. It will get easier once you start meeting with possible doctors; you deserve the relief that comes from good treatment.

[auxilos in reply to avoidingthebadthings]

Thanks for your support! I am currently unable to find a specialized OCD therapist in person, do you know if IOCDF provide any virtual sessions or therapy?

[Natureloverpeace in reply to auxilos]

The IOCDF itself doesn’t provide therapy but it has a resource directory of therapists who do. The NOCD (treatmyocd.com) provides ERP virtually.

[Mcfly64]

Hello auxilos. All classic ocd symptoms. See a doctor asap should be your first step. Good luck we are all here for you. You are not alone

[auxilos in reply to Mcfly64]

Thank you so much. I wish you the best of luck too!

[FourtounKafkal]

The very fact that you keep doubting if you have OCD, strongly smells like OCD.

[auxilos in reply to FourtounKafkal]

I doubt everything and anything, and it's pretty energy consuming. Thank you for your opinion!

[FourtounKafkal in reply to auxilos]

And OCD is called "the doubting disorder"! Take care, you are not alone.

[Natureloverpeace]

Everything you mentioned are all symptoms of OCD. I suggest seeing a licensed mental health provider who specializes in OCD and is appropriately trained in ERP, the gold standard treatment for OCD. Medications such as SSRIs can help when they are used with ERP but aren’t sufficient for recovery by themselves.

[auxilos in reply to Natureloverpeace]

Thank you so much for the information!

[Natureloverpeace in reply to auxilos]

You’re welcome.

[Natureloverpeace]

You can find an OCD specialist who is trained in ERP by going to iocdf.org and click on Find Help. The NOCD (treatmyocd.com) is another good resource.

[auxilos in reply to Natureloverpeace]

Are IOCDF programs avaliable in all countries?

[Natureloverpeace in reply to auxilos]

The iocdf.org website can be accessed from anywhere. They also do livestreams several times a month and people can join those from anywhere on the globe. These are listed under Peace of Mind on the website. The Find Help feature on the website gives each provider’s location. The NOCD (treatmyocd.com) is based out of the United States but I know someone who used them who lives in the United Kingdom. The NOCD provides ERP virtually. You can book a free, 15 minute phone call with them to see if they are a good fit.

[auxilos in reply to Natureloverpeace]

Ohh I see. Thank you so much!

[Natureloverpeace in reply to auxilos]

You’re welcome.

[Gavriel]

sounds like ocd to me. Please a professional and find out for sure. Good luck, .Gavriel

[auxilos in reply to Gavriel]

Thank you, and good luck to you too!

[Hershy49]

It sounds like it could be ocd from my own personsol experiences. Have you been official diagnosed by an Ocd Therapist if not there are testings that can confirm the diagnosis such as a Yale- Brown testing.

[auxilos in reply to Hershy49]

I haven't been diagnosed in person, but I was told to have symptoms of OCD when I emailed a professional about them. I'll check out that testing too, thank you!

[Hershy49]

Please let me know if I could be of further support.

[auxilos in reply to Hershy49]

Thank you, I appreciate it.

[Phoenyx]

I too think you have OCD. I was misdiagnosed for so many years. One day I saw a video about OCD and I panicked because I knew immediately I check all the boxes. For some time, I refused to accept what it made perfect sense all these years that it’s not just depression, it’s not just panic attacks or anxiety disorder… so I feel your pain. Find help so you can live normal life again. I strongly suggest the book “overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts”. You won’t regret

[auxilos in reply to Phoenyx]

Thank you for your suggestion, I'll check the book out! I hope you're doing better now.

[Phoenyx in reply to auxilos]

I'm! Thank you! If I can feel better, everyone with OCD can. I'm here if you have any other questions.

[auxilos in reply to Phoenyx]

Thanks, you're so sweet! I was actually wondering if having anxiety about not having anxiety is normal... At one point I got too adjusted to my thoughts that I do feel uncomfortable, but I stopped having anxiety attacks. Does this mean that my OCD is being 'soaked into' my life? Or does this mean it's getting better? Do you experience this too?

[Phoenyx in reply to auxilos]

I know exactly what you mean :). Usually when you get into a more stable stage, thoughts that used to trigger anxiety and panic attacks, won’t have the same effect on you. But then our OCD is all about doubting yourself so you will wonder “why am I not bothered any more? What does it mean?” And most likely will trigger another anxiety episode. Short but effective