short-lived victory?

[lavender514]

So I did an exposure and felt fully the anxiety then noticed it dropped and for the first time in awhile I felt hopeful. I continued practicing for a few days and things were looking better, as I could finally see clearly and I was not so clouded. Things finally seemed 'right' in my head.

However my brain then told me if I went for the next therapy session (which was today), it would go downhill and go back to before. I felt so much fear. But I still went as I knew it was my OCD talking. After the session, things didn't click 'right' again in my head and my old thoughts seem real again. I understand there is no rational link.

I was on my way to being better! How demoralizing! Urgh! My brain is telling me that if I did not go to therapy today I would still be doing alright and I would continue my 'winning streak'.

[deValentin]

Counting on the 'just right' feeling or for things to 'click right' in your head before you turn your attention to normal activities is a sign that OCD is still ruling to some extent your life, in my opinion. Waiting for things to 'click right' in your head before making day-to-day decisions is a way to postpone the return to a normal life. I know it's tempting because the return to a normal life may be somewhat scary. One needs time to get used to it. OCD recovery is often a bumpy road.