recalling

[Justright]

it started with recalling the so called IMPERFECT moments or actions of the day and now i recall almost everything that happens in a day though not with details but just as a part of habit which has been deeply ingrained. I dont even know the underlying fear. I had been taking fluvoxamine 150 mg for 6 long years after which i started to taper it and now the condition is going worse. No withdrawal symptoms but the horrifying RELAPSE.

[deValentin]

If you've just relied on medication to get over OCD, and then you stopped taking or reduced medication, it's normal for the symptoms to return. It's why it's important, if you choose to take medication, to do in conjunction with psychotherapy. Less chances for the symptoms to return. Have you tried exposure and response prevention or ERP?

[Justright in reply to deValentin]

until i was on 150 mg, it was all going good but lately i have realised the importance of erp so i am doing it but i cant survive it for more than a day. I lack self control and am impulsive. Idk how to tolerate the prolonged distress. I need a therapist with proper guidance and monitoring but cant find one sadly.

[deValentin in reply to Justright]

I understand that access to psychologists is sometimes limited. In that case, what about self-treatment? There are good books and free videos on the Internet on the subject.

To do ERP isn't always easy. Set up a hierarchy of tasks, and start with the easiest. If you struggle with ruminations, set some limits to them (1 hour a day, for instance) and stop ruminating whether you find the certainties you were looking for or not. If your obsessions are about contamination, first expose yourself to an environment that you think is less risky.

Don't expect immediate results. It's okay if you have relapses. Recovery takes time. One step at the time. Each success is a boost to morale, and when morale is good, difficulties don't feel as overwhelming. Attitude is primordial. It's better to think "I need to learn to be more in control of my actions and less impulsive", instead of "I lack self-control and am impulsive".

Some people rely on the effect that the environment has on them to decide what they value. Exemples: I felt a fleeting sexual attraction when I saw an underage girl, so I'm a pedophile. I felt anxious when I went over a small bump while driving, so I must turn around and check if I hit a pedestrian. I feel scared when I see a mean looking dog approaching, so I must run away. Remember what Martin Luther said: "You cannot keep birds from flying over your head but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair.” In other words, you can't help having intrusive thoughts, feelings, or sensations, but you can choose whether you dwell or act on them.

[RUtalkingtome]

It's called "replaying the tape" to make sure no danger is lurking. I do the same f()cking thing. I'm happy when I'm in public spaces where there are video cameras--so I have proof that I'm doing nothing wrong. I can recall every where I was today and the moments that made me upset. In fearing confrontational moments I'm learning that I actually create more of them by letting people push me around.

My doctor's office is not keeping up with managing my prescriptions that lately have run out in between doctor visits.

When I call the doc's office the woman in charge of scripts is impatient and blames me for reminding her when I had only two pills left (for congestive heart failure). But my doctor, her boss, says I have to be on these blood thinners for the rest of my life. So why are my scripts not on automatically renewal until the doc decides on a different course during my next visit? This is the only doctor's office where I've run out of scripts in between regularly scheduled checkups. I go to the pharmacy and I'm told there are no refills remaining.

I call the on-call nurse and she answers her phone while driving and I can't hear her speak, so when I nicely ask for her to speak up she tells me to calm down.

"I am calm," I said.

"Why did you wait until you were almost out before you called me," she asked.

"Because I expected the script to be ready since I'm told I'll probably be on these meds for life." I replied.

"You're gonna' have to take it up with the doctor," she said.

Remember, she is in charge of calling in the prescriptions and you'd think the script would be current if I'm in between doctor visits.

By the time the conversation ends I'm made to feel that It's all my fault.

She calls in the script and I eventually get my meds.

At some point maybe I should have called her out on the blame shifting and asked her to coordinate with my doctor better to make sure my scripts are called in away the coincides with the doctor visits. Making sure my scripts are accurately called in is not just about dosage; they need to make sure my script carries me to the next doctor visit where my meds can be re-evaluated. I've never had this issue with any other doctor regarding prescriptions. So now I will worry for a few hours that I pissed her off, when I made every effort to be nice and proactive.