Here comes ROCD! Lol

[SerenaL8r]

Hi everyone! Today I'm struggling with ROCD- yay for new themes weekly .. lol

So a little back story, I've been with my boyfriend for a solid year now, but we actually have been on/off for about 4-5 years. I moved in with him last year, and things have been great! Over the past few months, we haven't been sexually active, but that's my choice because of a past pregnancy scare.

Fast forward to today, and I had a random thought pop into my head of missing a guy I used to be fwb. We had only slept together twice, but we were good friends between the periods of when my ex and I were separated. When I got back together with my ex, I usually cut off communication with past fwb, or guys I've dated/talked to, for respect of my partner, even though he doesn't care who I'm friends with, so long as I'm not being disloyal or something to him (which I never have been)

So this thought pops into my head of missing said person, and now I have anxiety/guilt for doing so. I don't miss us sleeping together or anything, I just miss the friendship I had with him and a few other people i used to hangout with. But I guess I feel guilty since he was essentially a fwb at one point.

TLDR - how do you guys get over feeling guilty for missing past fwb/exes? Or not let ROCD go rampant with these thoughts?

[deValentin]

If I understand correctly, you're disturbed by the possibility of being in the wrong relationship, enough to make your life less enjoyable, but not enough to persuade you to break off with your current boyfriend. So, you feel trapped and would like to free yourself from that uncomfortable situation.

Some people would tell you to label your intrusive thoughts as OCD, and move away from it. The problem with that suggestion is that you could be wrong in your labeling. Who knows? Your concern could be legitimate.

My suggestion would be to accept first that there is no perfect decision and no perfect relationship. Even in a reasonably satisfying relationship, doubts could pop into your mind from time to time. How do you handle those doubts and prevent them from turning into OCD? Well, there is a time to question things and a time to stop questioning things. You could examine your situation within certain time limits. Don't let your examination exceed those limits though. Don't try to reach absolute certainty. If you let your deliberation prevent you from living a normal life, you're moving towards a slippery slope. If you become desperate to eliminate all doubts, whether they're rational or irrational, you'll lose interest in everything else. Solving that problem will grab your attention at the expense of everything else.

In a nutshell, if you feel good about yourself and the choices you make in life, uncertainties won't disturb you as much, and if uncertainties don't disturb you too much, you'll be able to make choices that make you feel good about yourself in the long term. Kind of a positive spirale.