Constantly tired

[mkay28]

My harm OCD thoughts have always been super distressing for me but as i’ve had them more and more i’ve realized they are just thoughts; however, I still feel like im in a constant anxious state of mind even when im at my own house. It has made me stop doing the things i love and going out pretty much at all due to the fact that im constantly thinking, “What if you go out and have these thoughts which causes a panic attack?” or “What if you’re ruining everything good in your life because you’re not going out?” The constant anxiousness has also made me extremely tired. Does anyone have any advice as to how to finally get out and do the things i love again? As well as finally get some relief to the anxiety that is always festering?

[Jackstauberfan]

try to make your own strategies to help you cope with your thoughts, example: you can try to question your thought like "is this really what i should worry about" or "is this thought ethical right now" or another example is that you can simply let the thought flow as in just focusing on the now then the never.

I hope this advice will help you cope with your compulsive thoughts, as I suffer from OCD as well

Hopes this helps ❤️🙏

[deValentin]

You’re faced with a difficult choice. Whether you choose to go out or stay in, you feel that something undesirable may happen. So, it seems that you tend to ruminate in the hope (against hope) that you eventually find a solution to your dilemma. There are no spontaneous alarm bells or red lights that tell you to stop ruminating. However, if you keep on ruminating, you miss out on a lot of enjoyable things, like you’re saying. Beside that, it’s exhausting.

In my opinion, you need to set your own red lines. When you see that ruminating becomes self-destructive, why not stop it? I know it’s difficult because to stop ruminating creates a lot of discomfort. If you stop ruminating, you may miss a critical thought, who knows? However, if you stop the ‘what if?’ questions when common sense tells you to, the discomfort will eventually subside. On the other hand, if you don’t listen to your common sense, there will always be an inner nagging voice tormenting you. In the end, you’ll be glad to have chosen a sensible path.

[FriendofSparky in reply to deValentin]

This sounds like good advice to me. I've been struggling with OCD since I was 11 and I'm in my 50s now. Diagnosed properly for the first time earlier this year. I know it's scary to try to do what deValentin suggests, but for me it's been helpful to try taking those kinds of risks in small doses, like trying going out and doing something once even though I'm feeling scared and can't stop ruminating. My wife and I are friends with a couple whom I decided to tell about my OCD and I explained that if we hang out together socially, I might have a major OCD attack and need to go home early. I described what it's like for me, and because they're kind people who care about me they understood. Last night we got together and I let them know that I might need to tap out early. They were fine with that. I was super anxious as we headed over to their place, regretting going out the whole way there. As it turned out, my intrusive thoughts and fears did show up several times, but not as intensely as they sometimes do, and I was able to enjoy the good food and company for most of the evening. It felt like a big win. But I have to take things one day at a time. Hope this is helpful.

[deValentin in reply to FriendofSparky]

That's it. One small success at the time. Keep up the good work!

[Lauragbr]

First off, I hope you are getting professional help with an OCD therapist and maybe also meds. The more you give over your power to OCD the stronger it will get. You must take small steps to take the power away from OCD to get your life back. All “ what if” questions are OCD traps. You have the thoughts, let them be there, identify them as OCD and do your best to become indifferent to them. This is very difficult , but the more you do it the easier it will become. I truly understand the anxiety, as long as you don’t give in to the compulsions look at it as “ productive anxiety “. Eventually it will lesson. You don’t have to live this way, you can enjoy your life. There is help. Please keep us posted.

[Natureloverpeace]

This sounds over simplified but just do it despite the OCD. OCD can’t make us do things. We choose to do or not do things even though it FEELS like it is forcing us. As you said, thoughts are just thoughts. It’s when we attach meaning to the intrusive thoughts that things can spiral. I finally beat OCD by doing what I value no matter how terrified I was of the “what ifs”. There is an endless supply of “what ifs”. OCD had taken away what I valued most for decades and it kept taking more. I finally decided to take the risk, no matter how terrified I was, and defy OCD. It turned out that OCD was full of hot air. It feeds us lies. I also discovered what my core fear was underlying my OCD instead of just addressing the superficial fears such as touching a “contaminated “ object. Otherwise, OCD would play the whack-a-mole game and just show up as a different theme.

[LuvSun in reply to Natureloverpeace]

You mentioned that you finally “discovered what my core fear was underlying my OCD instead of just addressing the superficial fears such as touching a “contaminated” object.” May I ask what that core fear that you discovered was?? You don’t have to answer this but I was just curious because I suffer with contamination issues and you seem to have really overcome your OCD. You always have great posts that I enjoy reading.

[Natureloverpeace in reply to LuvSun]

My core fear is not being good enough. I call it Not Good Enough Syndrome. I use to believe that I had to do everything perfectly in order to be accepted as worthy. It is also what underlies my treatment resistant depression and social anxiety although hormonal issues are also a part of my treatment resistant depression. Some of the most common core fears underlying OCD are being abandoned or rejected, being unloveable, being a bad person, death, being responsible for harm to others, being a bad person, living inauthentically, lack of control, feeling permanent shame. There are other ones too but these are the most common ones.

Dealing with the core fear is important, otherwise the OCD may just resurface as another theme. Think of the core fear as the root of a weed. If you just pull a weed but leave the root, it will grow back and even spread. If you deal with a particular theme of OCD but haven’t dealt with the core fear driving your OCD, that theme will just resurface or the OCD may show up as a different theme.

A person can function again with treatment without addressing the core fear but still not have freedom from OCD. You don’t have to settle for just getting by. There isn’t a cure for OCD yet but I don’t know if one is necessary since you can have freedom from it. Jonathan Grayson’s book Freedom from OCD is my favorite book on OCD and is one of the books most recommended by OCD experts. Liz McIngvale, Ph.D. explains why addressing the core fear is necessary to get freedom from OCD.

There could be five people people with contamination themed OCD and each one of them could have a different core fear. Someone with a contamination theme could have the same fear as someone else with a different theme. The core fear is specific to the person, not the theme.

[LuvSun in reply to Natureloverpeace]

Thank you for your response. It makes a lot of sense. I believe trying to do things perfectly is part of my problem as well. I loved Jonathon Grayson’s book! So glad you are doing so well.

[Natureloverpeace in reply to LuvSun]

Many of us with OCD struggle with perfectionism too. So maybe ask yourself what do I fear would happen if I don’t do things perfectly? Your core fear may be underneath that or there may be another layer underneath that one. Another way to ask it is , what is the function of my behavior? What do I hope to gain by my attempts at doing things perfectly? What am I trying to avoid by trying to do things perfectly?

[Dolphin_08]

You are so strong and I know you will get through this!! I know how terrifying OCD can make the world seem, but try to remember there is so much good out there. All you need to do is take it one step at a time, slowly but surely. Start by doing something simple with the person you love and trust the most, like 10 walk with your best friend or your sister, and go from there.

In terms of managing my anxiety, of course the best thing you can do is seek professional help, but here are a few other things that really worked for me:

1. Essential oils - you can put them on your wrist whenever it makes you feel worried, and smell it to bring calmness. This can also be easy to do in public, when you feel anxious.

2. Whenever you get an intrusive thought, try counting to a number (even if it's 10 to start with, building up from there) and taking deep breaths. Sitting with the thought and delaying the compulsion can be very scary, but it was so effective in diminishing the anxiety caused by my intrusive thoughts

3. Praying - I know not everyone is religious, and I'm definitely not the most religious person either, but I found praying to be super helpful in managing my anxiety. Everyday, I pray for protection over my family and friends, as this is what my OCD and intrusive thoughts are about. Just vocalising your thoughts and having that extra bit of hope that someone else is looking out for you, and that the weight isn't all on your shoulders, can be so powerful in overcoming some of the anxiety associated with intrusive thoughts.

I hope this helps in some way! Sending so much love and best wishes.