azertyu

[ocdisfake]

i've been suffering for 8 years now i'm 22 yo, on and offs during these years but when it comes it's really anxious , sometimes i look in the sky and i say why am i still leaving ? why me ? what did i do ? i mean every moment in whatever place i count , i have numbers that i like and others that i hate eveytime i see someone who i don't know or i hate , i have to look at him for some number of times which is a number that i hate , i count every drink of water , every type of meal in my plate, everything , i study in a class full of persons that i don't know i don't know how i'm living this , yet i lose hope and enter depression everytime i feel that my mind is stronger than me in case it took me a lot of time to overcome an ocd trip , i can't even extinguish a cigarette comfortably , i know that i have to win this all alone , i want to tell you guys to take care of yourselves , because there will be a day where we all gonna live the life we want , keep faith and we in this together , big love <3

[Lauragbr]

I feel your frustration and pain. Are you getting help from a psychiatrist and an OCD therapist? My first bout with OCD started at 15, but I didn’t get real help till I was around 50 years old. I encourage you to find the people that can help you. Good luck!

[ocdisfake in reply to Lauragbr]

i really can't seek help i can't even share my thoughts with my close friends like i feel uncomfortable if i do , but they can see that i do somethings rly weird but they don't know all calculations and thoughts happening inside my head , i think and i will always think that death is much more comfortable for me but i love my family that's why i'm doing all i can to find the light and things get better

[SCC1]

Hi. I can relate to you saying that you can't "extinguish a cigarette comfortably". Sometimes I'll have a bad thought and I can't put one out on that thought or something bad will happen to a person or my cat or I will harm someone. So, I wait til it feels "safer" to do it. Sometimes I will have to get my thoughts "right" or move a certain way or move the cigarette back and forth til it feels (more) okay to put it out. Then I have to look at the cigarette to make sure it's out, like try to process that it's out. I have harm OCD, among others, and my compulsions have a lot to do with magical thinking=I have to do/not do something or something bad will happen. So, I just wanted you to know about the cigarette situation BC sometimes it's really a problem for me, too.

I don't know exactly what issue you have with putting it out, but if it is anything like mine, I would say to just put it out and not give in to whatever temptation you may have to please the OCD. It's hard, but with every success, it gets easier to just "let it be".

Feel free to share if you like, what you feel when you have a hard time with this issue.

I can also relate to you having to look at "him" a certain number of times. I have problems with numbers, too, but meds have made things easier.

Are you on any medication or seeing a Dr for OCD?

[ocdisfake in reply to SCC1]

i'm not seeing a Dr anymore cuz of side effects of the meds , so i don't i need a doctor i believe that if winning will happen it depends only on me .. i suffer every night like to have a comfortable sleep position , i check the lock of my house's door for like 15 time.. u know it's hard to live with this but i bet u know that this is nothing comparing to what only my mind knows and thinks , hope we get better oneday

[FirstResponder23]

I’m so sorry to hear how loud ocd is being for you right now. Just know that you are not alone at all. I was at your age not too long ago and battled in the same way while studying at my university. I 100% understand all the feelings you are having. But know that when you get through it, you’ll be able to look at this time and really understand how incredibly strong you are. I’m not sure if you are seeing a therapist specialized in ocd, but I know that helped me tremendously. Especially when it came to planning my studies and working on my ocd. They were amazing, and I owe my progress to them. I know it’s hard, especially to put in the difficult work we have to with ocd. But know that just one baby step in that direction is all you need to start the process of healing. And always know that there are so many people that feel the same way. Even if you haven’t read it or know about it. There are plenty of people out there that go through the exact same thing with you. God bless.

[Lauragbr]

ocdonline.com/speak-of-the-...

This is a great article. I hope it helps you