Does it look like OCD? What do you think?

[genira]

Hi all and thanks for the opportunity to post on the forum.

I've been asking on several forums lately to see if I can find someone who shares some of the symptoms. Or just simply recognise the OCD element.

I would like to keep this short, at least as short as I can (i failed).

Over the last few years I have developed (at least I've just become more aware of it) a mindset that is significantly hindering my life. I am interested to know if there are any who have at least heard of something similar and how much it is related to OCD.

When I do something for the first time and it is coupled with a negative experience, that negativity somehow attaches itself to that thing. In addition, if something bad happens the day I start this new thing then the negativity sticks to it in the same way.

As the clock strikes midnight, a new "clean" day begins. If I do something new on a "clean" day, then all is well. However, based on the above, I can "ruin" a day, and if I start something new on such a day, that new thing becomes negative.

There are many ways I can ruin a day, but mostly - I can ruin it with moral things that are unacceptable to me. These are my own very extreme rules. Even innocent masturbation can mess me up. The more abhorrent my own conception of it (the more fetishistic it is) the more negative the experience becomes.

And why is it wrong it to be negative?

From then on I can't enjoy the activity, it's always the first negative thing that comes to mind.

It's like a glass in which you first pour orange juice and then water, no matter how much syrup it turns into, the orange juice will always define the whole thing, and you can't pour it out and start again.

Two simple examples:

new hair style - it can completely ruin the pleasure if I wear it at any time in the future

video game when I download it for the first time - then whenever I play it, I can't enjoy it

These are just two basic examples.

I have no idea how this will change in the future, I have one or two negative experiences that have not changed or have changed less.

Of course, the fear comes from wanting to avoid negative experiences, so I want to keep each day as "clean" as possible. As long as it is feasible. The biggest fear is obviously that negativity will last a lifetime. The fear is stronger the more important the thing is to me that could "go wrong".

Thank you for reading!

[LiveOutLove_22]

Hey it sounds like there is some OCD at play here. There is going to be negativity in the world. There will always be negative people. But what matters in not letting the negativity affect your life. If you focus too much on the negative side of things. Then you will never see the many wonderful things and positive things in your life. OCD likes to latch on whatever fears or worry's you might have and not let them leave your thoughts. It can become a huge cycle effect that's affects not only you and your life but other people around you. I try to surround myself with good supportive positve people. If you watch the news everyday it always is like something bad happening or going on. But there is still good in the world and people, you just have to look a little harder sometimes. I don't know if you have any favorite hobbies or activities that you like to do, but try to do things daily or weekly that you get enjoyment out of. Try to focus on what matters, because with OCD there can be so many little trivial things that get in the way we often loose touch and sense of reality. There are always going to be negative or unexpected things in life that come up. With OCD we tend to avoid or obsess over it to the point where its so consuming. But I don't know if you've been professionally diagnosed with OCD. But I'm not an expert but I do know that it sounds like there is alot of OCD elements in what your describing. Anyways try not to worry and dwell on the negative. Try to be conscious of where your mind is latching onto. I wish you the best of luck and spreading a lot of positivity your way.

[Sallyskins]

I can totally relate to this! It has, on the whole, lessened, thanks to my meds, CBT and ERP. And there is a way forward for you.

In some ways, it is just normal behaviour taken to extremes. Getting an electric shock from an appliance teaches us not to use that appliance again. Taken to extremes, a negative thought or experience that occurs while we're doing something else - that thought or experience attaches itself to that action or thing, and it's hard to 'decontaminate' it.

And if you try to do that action again, or use that item again, your memory raises the negative thought or experience all over again.

It's certainly OCD - of course OCD takes many forms but this is certainly one of them. I do appreciate the new day wiping the slate clean - it happens for me too!

The problem is that it stops you from doing things that you actually want to do - from enjoying the experiences you want and the possessions you have.

Do get some help for this. Medication can damp down the worst of the OCD and it is worth giving it a go. It does take about 4 - 6 weeks to kick in, and you may feel pretty lousy until it does. The medication prescribed for OCD is usually an SSRI antidepressant like sertraline or fluoxetine. They can be very effective.

But the heavy lifting of treatment is done by CBT and ERP - cognitive behavioural therapy and exposure-response prevention. That means cultivating a more flexible mindset - accepting that things can go wrong, but that doesn't have to poison your whole day.

The ERP side of it means you have to give yourself practice in confronting and going against what the OCD is telling you. For example, wearing your hair in a style that feels 'contaminated' by a negative experience on the day you first tried it, or playing the game that you feel is 'contaminated'.

It isn't easy to do (though medication can help make it easier) and it's likely that you will give in to the OCD on many, many occasions, but the practice is what matters. Gradually the parts of the brain that are telling you that you 'no' get desensitized and no longer make you feel afraid.

And try to be a little more flexible in your morals. I don't mean that you should do anything morally wrong, but to my mind, what is morally wrong is what harms other people. If there is no harm to anyone else, then it's all right!