I think I have ocd although am not sure. I am feeling awful right now as I was at the beach and what I thought could be a syringe caught my eye close to where I was sat. One of the reasons I think I have ocd is because I always have the urge to have to check for peace of mind which I do normally get as there generally aren’t tons of syringes lying about! However this time it was a syringe, a few in fact. I freaked out grabbed my stuff and went back to my hotel which backs onto the beach. Now I am having all sorts of guilt from this experience that I may have spread disease from the syringes:
1. When checking I lifted quite a large branch out of the way which was covering the syringes. I’ve now exposed the syringes increasing the chance of people stepping on them
2. I didn’t check my stuff for any needles/syringe fragments as one of the syringes was all broken up and there could well have been more. What if part of the needle was stuck to my towel/me/my bag
3. I jumped in my hotel swimming pool straight after to wash off the sand on me again what if this spread anything stuck on me to the pool and infects others
I did inform a staff member at the hotel there were needles on the beach as there was no one to tell on the beach. But he didn’t seem bothered.. I feel terrible now that I am responsible for lots of people potentially getting sick. Does this sound like ocd or am I just a terrible person? Grateful for anyone who has taken the time to read this
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This sounds quite a bit like my sister who has ocd. I would go and get a professional opinion. Either way something is wrong and you shouldn’t have to live like this,
It sounds very much like OCD. You should see an OCD therapist (or your family doctor as a start) to be evaluated. Therapy and medication can help tremendously!
Yes! It really describes the thought pattern that I go through completely! You feel responsible for passing something on to others as much as yourself.
Thanks so much for the replies, really appreciate it. I am thinking to definitely go and get an opinion and try some therapy - your replies have helped to give me the push to do so
Hi there. I'm hesitant to agree with the rest that are saying it sounds like OCD. The is so much more to OCD than freaking out about seeing needles on the beach. Try to answer these questions: do you obsess about things that people usually don't? These could be situations from the past, disturbing thoughts that just haunt you all the time to the point you can't think, eat or sleep. Do you spend way too much time organizing or doing rituals in order to avoid bad things happening? Bad things could be death, injuries to you or others, contaminations, and so on. Good luck
Hi Phoenyx thanks for your reply. It’s nice to have someone to talk to. It extends a little more beyond needles, but needles on the ground is definitley something I’m constantly watching out for. It’s a general theme of causing harm to others through contamination. It’s never about myself it’s very specific to being responsible for any harm coming to others and the guilt that goes along side that. I work in healthcare in an outpatient setting. During covid I got redeployed to the wards and I found it the most stressful time as I was constantly wiping everything down excessively and panicking about indirectly spreading covid between patients and being responsible for someone dying. This also highlighted to me that maybe I have a problem too as watching my colleagues no one was wiping things down anywhere near as much as me or worrying as much. I can’t enjoy my holiday at all as I feel so guilty about the needle on the beach and being responsible now for people possibly stepping on it and coming to harm. Hence I’m spending my time reading up on ocd
It seems to me that your reaction with the needles and worrying about people has a lot to do with obviously your carrying personality, your scope of work, and most with the pandemic if you ask me. I'm not excluding OCD but it is not so simple to be diagnosed with it. A lot of people developed different cleaning habits because of Covid 19 and even obsessive ones. But that doesn't mean they have OCD. Did you experience anything similar prior to Covid? Also, please ask yourself the question "what would make you feel better in the situation you are in right now?". Maybe going back to check the hotel staff had removed the needles? What will put your mind at ease in regards to this particular situation?
What COULD be an obsession can develop much further as it did for me. I started out having Harm OCD and it went from one thing to the other..... I understand your pain. Get it nipped in the bud right away. I have had many of this kind of thoughts and guilt associated with it. Read up on Harm OCD and please get an OCD specialist to help you. Don't let it keep bothering you and get worse. You can do it. I did!!!!!!
Yes definitely been there before the pandemic, that situation was just particularly stressful. The needles is definitely my biggest problem the constant checking wherever I go. Sometimes I think I’ve seen one but I’m with someone so can’t stop to check so then I have to go back and check again later for peace of mind. And almost always it’s never one. But I’m exhausted with the constant checking and feeling responsibility to report if I do see one. And the beach situation then was just my biggest fear becoming reality as it actually was needles and by checking I have actually caused more risk to people by the points I outlined in my original post. Better I’d never checked. I don’t think there is anyway I can help myself feel better to be honest. The staff I reported to weren’t interested, we have moved on from that hotel now and my boyfriend just thinks I’m mad when I mentioned it. He just says you’ll always get needles on beaches and you can’t help that. But I didn’t tell him I’d lifted the branch off the top of them as I felt too ashamed. I’m just thinking perhaps a therapist can help me with some strategies to stop doing this constant checking and ruminating. I appreciate like you say though that this may not be ocd, which is why I wanted to share and see peoples opinions especially those with experience of ocd.
I agree that you can't really be diagnosed with OCD without seeing a professional or having a YBOCS assessment. My understanding is that a person can have obsessive-compulsive tendencies without having diagnosable OCD if their symptoms do not meet a certain threshold.
However, the overall thought pattern described in your post sounds very similar to my struggles with OCD over the last 40 years or so. A "normal" concern over the needles would not include "what if" fears of spreading minute amounts of contamination on the towel or in the pool, or feeling total responsibility for exposing the needles by moving the branch (when the main responsibility lies with whoever left the needles on the beach to begin with). Also the fact that you "can't enjoy [your] holiday at all" now is another indicator of obsessive thinking and compulsive ruminating and not just a reasonable wish that you had handled the situation differently.
In fact, for the last two years, my OCD has focused on rabies. You could replace the word "needle" with "rabid bat" in your last post and it would describe my symptoms just about perfectly. If I'm walking outside and feel the slightest sensation on my skin (an insect, sweat, clothes rubbing against me, whatever), or if I see something "bat-like" (trash, leaf, etc) out of the corner of my eye, I've had the urge to look back and make sure it wasn't really a bat. One major concern is that I will unwittingly get bat saliva on my clothes from these encounters and then spread it to others. Rationally, I realize this is all extremely far-fetched, but I have checked, obsessed, and ruminated for hours on these various episodes, convinced that the worst was happening. (My therapist compared my fears to one of her former clients who had a fear of stepping on needles and contracting HIV, which sounds pretty similar to your issue.)
Given the number of primary care doctors and talk therapists who don't recognize OCD because they think it's limited to straightening pictures and washing hands, I think you should go in knowing that OCD is a strong possibility in your case, especially if this is a recurrent thought pattern for you (regardless of the specific topic). Find a therapist who's familiar with OCD in all its many forms. I originally started ERP therapy for my recent bat obsessions, but I've found it works for all the various OCD themes I've faced over the years. It's not necessary (or normal) to be consumed by guilt and worry over things that most people do not give a second thought to. You need to learn how your OCD mind works and how to stop the obsessive feedback loops that you can get caught up in. I am much better off after doing therapy and reading all I can about how OCD works and what feeds it.
You might want to look over some of these articles, as this therapist puts a big emphasis on controlling rumination:
I agree that you can't really be diagnosed with OCD without seeing a professional or having a YBOCS assessment. My understanding is that a person can have obsessive-compulsive tendencies without having diagnosable OCD if their symptoms do not meet a certain threshold.
However, the overall thought pattern described in your post sounds very similar to my struggles with OCD over the last 40 years or so. A "normal" concern over the needles would not include "what if" fears of spreading minute amounts of contamination on the towel or in the pool, or feeling total responsibility for exposing the needles by moving the branch (when the main responsibility lies with whoever left the needles on the beach to begin with). Also the fact that you "can't enjoy [your] holiday at all" now is another indicator of obsessive thinking and compulsive ruminating and not just a reasonable wish that you had handled the situation differently.
In fact, for the last two years, my OCD has focused on rabies. You could replace the word "needle" with "rabid bat" in your last post and it would describe my symptoms just about perfectly. If I'm walking outside and feel the slightest sensation on my skin (an insect, sweat, clothes rubbing against me, whatever), or if I see something "bat-like" (trash, leaf, etc) out of the corner of my eye, I've had the urge to look back and make sure it wasn't really a bat. One major concern is that I will unwittingly get bat saliva on my clothes from these encounters and then spread it to others. Rationally, I realize this is all extremely far-fetched, but I have checked, obsessed, and ruminated for hours on these various episodes, convinced that the worst was happening. (My therapist compared my fears to one of her former clients who had a fear of stepping on needles and contracting HIV, which sounds pretty similar to your issue.)
Given the number of primary care doctors and talk therapists who don't recognize OCD because they think it's limited to straightening pictures and washing hands, I think you should go in knowing that OCD is a strong possibility in your case, especially if this is a recurrent thought pattern for you (regardless of the specific topic). Find a therapist who's familiar with OCD in all its many forms. I originally started ERP therapy for my recent bat obsessions, but I've found it works for all the various OCD themes I've faced over the years. It's not necessary (or normal) to be consumed by guilt and worry over things that most people do not give a second thought to. You need to learn how your OCD mind works and how to stop the obsessive feedback loops that you can get caught up in. I am much better off after doing therapy and reading all I can about how OCD works and what feeds it.
You might want to look over some of these articles, as this therapist puts a big emphasis on controlling rumination:
Thanks I found this really helpful to read and feel less alone. It gives me hope knowing that therapy may be able to help as I just want to reclaim my life back as I spend so much time worrying all the time and feeling guilty. Really kind of you to take the time to read and reply. Much appreciated
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