does anyone here suffer from hit-and-run OCD/problems with driving

[Luvpusheen86]

good afternoon everyone I have been struggling with different forms of OCD. The most prominent one is hit-and-run OCD, which has been affecting my driving and my quality of life. Is there anyone here that is going through the same thing that I can talk to about it.

[deValentin]

OCD seems to migrate. I have been disturbed by blasphemous thoughts in the past. That stopped at one point. Then I have been overtaken by bouts of organizing frenzy. They subsided. Driving nighttime, upon hearing a thump, the thought of having hit a child who is too small to be seen from my driving position sometimes crosses my mind. However, since I have familiarized myself with OCD management techniques in the meantime, I know I have to nip the thought in the bud and resist the temptation to stop to check. I rest my justification for not stopping on the fact that I pay close attention to my driving nighttime, I respect speed limits and inhabited areas have street lights where I live. So, I have good reasons to believe I'd know it if I hit a child and I make every effort to be satisfied with those good reasons, even if it's not always easy for a while. If you're looking for a person with a full-blown OCD disorder in that domain, I'm not the right person. But if you can't find anybody else, you can talk to me about it because I can relate to what you feel.

[Luvpusheen86 in reply to deValentin]

Thank you for responding to my post. I was beginning to think that this site was dead. Lol. Submitting to the unknown is the hard part letting go is the hard part. But what’s gonna happen is gonna happen, right?

[deValentin in reply to Luvpusheen86]

Everybody deals with things differently, but “what’s gonna happen is gonna happen” isn’t quite enough for me. I need more than that. I need to know were the worst to happen, would there be a reason to blame myself? You see, if I were involved in a car crash where the other driver was killed, the emotional impact on me wouldn’t be the same whether I ran a red light or the other person did. It’s the same with the possibility of hitting a pedestrian without me noticing it. In order to be able to get over a potential worst-case scenario, I need first to be reasonably sure I’m a safe driver.

This out of the way, I question my conscience. If I spent unjustified time backtracking and checking the sides of the road, I’d do it at the expense of the other areas of my life (missing appointments, late for work, etc.). So, why, in the moment I’m searching for absolute certainty about whether a pedestrian has been hit, I feel guilty at the thought of stopping my search and not guilty about the negative consequences of my compulsive behavior? At first glance it doesn’t make sense. Then I’m telling myself that it must be the freshness of the doubt that gives it its disturbing power, and when I start to frantically search for absolute certainty, I forget about everything else. So, I refuse to turn around (unless I had reasons that an independent observer would approve), get used to the doubt (it takes time, but the false guilt eventually dissipates) and with the passing of time, my tunnel vision disappears in that regard. When I look back, I’m glad I did what I did because a potential mental disorder failed to have a grip on me.

Do you use a different strategy to manage this type of anxiety?

[Luvpusheen86 in reply to deValentin]

I guess I use the terminology of whatever is going to happen it’s gonna happen as a coping strategy because I don’t have any other coping strategies and I guess if I keep saying after a while, I’ll believe it and I’ll be able to let loose some sort of control over this issue

this is not easy for me to go from someone who used to travel and do many road trips by themselves to maybe three hours from home or go to the supermarket with no problem this hurts extremely bad. It is extremely depressing. I did go to a PHP for OCD. They did give me some stuff to read. They did give me a foundation and I did submit but I don’t think I submitted 100% and in order to beat this or live side-by-side by with this I have to give 100% to the work But the fear of the cops coming to knock on my door and take me away, is agonizing the fear of possibly hitting someone and not knowing accidentally and leaving someone dead alongside the road even though i know I didn’t do it is agonizing I’m sure you know that

[Luvpusheen86 in reply to deValentin]

I beat this before and I was doing good then all of a sudden it came back

I remember the last time I beat it. I really resisted it. I fed so bad with everything in my soul and maybe that’s what I need to do now not to say I’m not fighting because I am Lord knows I am

[deValentin]

Yes, the fear of the possibility of a bad outcome is sometimes agonizing. However, it depends on the mood and the circumstances of the moment. It depends on the hour of the day sometimes, whether one is talking to friends or is alone, whether one just received good news or bad news, etc. Relapses are part of recovery; nothing is linear when it comes to the workings of the mind. I found that a holistic approach works best. I used to tell myself: “When I get absolute certainty about a particular issue (whether I didn’t miss critical information or I unknowing didn’t cause harm to somebody, for instance), this will free my mind and I’ll be able to return to a normal life”. But I never obtained absolute certainty because the more I searched and checked, the more doubts came to my mind to be sure the certainty I was getting was unquestionable.

The only way for me to get out of that endless spiral was to decide to stop wondering when I knew wondering became self-destructive, whether or not I found what I was looking for. I practiced response prevention, in other words. It was difficult, progress was slow with ups and downs, but I eventually got better. I also knew that I needed to apply to the other parts of my life the knowledge I gained about the dangers of overthinking and investing in an out-of-control chase. That helped my self-esteem, and a healthy self-esteem makes the possibility of future misfortune more bearable and less intrusive. It doesn’t stick to your mind like when you have poor self-esteem. Not forgetting your past successes, like you’re doing, is good. Slow and steady does it. I wish you the best in your endeavor towards an OCD-free life. You can reach out for support in this forum anytime.

[FirstResponder23]

hello,

This ocd type was actually where I first learned about ocd. I had many times previous to that in my life that ocd was clear, but it never inhibited me from doing things. When I turned 18 and got my drivers license, I can remember driving away from my house that morning after I dropped my parents off home from my exam and drive in off to school. It all seemed normal until I made a turn, and I had a thought. The thought stuck and I couldn’t shake it. It continued to bother me the rest of the day.

From there, I began to fear more and more when I was driving, and I was doing more and more checking. It came to a point where I couldn’t drive around the block without having some raised anxiety. But through therapy I have since been able to manage my anxiety and drive without any issues. There are times it may flare up, but I am able to identify it and not be bothered for long.

[Hidden]

Fear is producing the mental thoughts , images etc. The disorder might as well be called Fear disorder because its protecting you from what you fear. This fear signal feels real for everyone but its not its just an alarm making you aware of danger no matter what OCD you have. Good luck