OCD and feeling set up

[AzureAqua]

I’ve had OCD for decades. When I first was diagnosed and got treatment with a specialist I got relief and felt much better about myself. But things happened in my life and my OCD got worse (along with depression and anxiety). My OCD tells me I’ve done something wrong to one or two people and I worry that they’re saying bad things about me to others and maybe I’m a bad person. I see myself as I think they see me (in a negative light) rather than a good person which I think I am.

And I ask for reassurance from people I know that I’m a good person and tell them that these people are not treating me right. Right now I have that going on. The hardest thing is separating out what actually happened versus what my OCD tells me. Because there are elements of truth that I’ve upset someone and I can see how it might have impacted them. (For example , my dad who I confided in said something about what I told him and it got back to the people I was worried about.) I hate this. Anyone else have something similar? I’m in treatment and have been for a long time. CBT, ERP, TMS….

Thank you!

[deValentin]

At times I also worry too much about whether others like me or not. Worries have a positive role to play. They motivate you to do things in order to have good reasons to have peace of mind. The problem is when good reasons are not enough and you need absolute proof, which is not realistic. Then it becomes difficult to focus on anything else. When that happens, you find yourself in a bind: you can’t find the absolute certainty you’re seeking and you can’t give up your search because it torments you too much. It’s when Response Prevention becomes useful. What I did is stop trying to eliminate all my doubts. It was distressing for a while. I told myself that it’s not the end of the world if my obsessional search doesn’t succeed as long as I make the best possible decisions given the information available at the time. However, it felt like the end of the world for some time. Now I’m okay. Because I’m prone to anxiety, I think I’ll need to do “maintenance work” on a regular basis.

[AzureAqua in reply to deValentin]

Thank you so so much for your supportive words.