anxious attachment to partner, worried my ocd may be too much

[OCDlivrecovery]

Hello everyone, I have been having so many intrusive thoughts, i think mainly because i stopped drinking about 6 months ago and I have been trying my best to push through it.. Today my laptop broke due to my own stupid fault of putting a few papers with a staple into my laptop quick while leaving class and it smashed my screen.. My partner was asking how it happened and i said thats all I did and he said "well you can't do that the screen is glass baby" and I felt so stupid and got defensive and responded loudly with something like "well jesus im sorry it's not my fault I didn't know that would happened this sucks and you arent helping at all" and he got very upset with me and said he didn't want to be with me anymore because of how I make a bigger issue out of it when he tells me i'm doing something wrong and I turn it on him.. I felt like i couldn't even explain why I reacted the way that I did because he would only get louder and tell me to stop talking or we are breaking up, and so I apologized many times and said I will work on it. I do have cptsd so when he starts to get loud I get easily triggered, and its something that does bother me when he gets upset. When i upset him he gets suicidal and says things like he can't do it anymore and he needs normalcy in his life otherwise he just can't do it.. this makes me feel horrible and I am working on redirecting misplaced feelings but sometimes i feel like i am ALWAYS wrong and its hard for him to see my point of view.. If anyone has some suggestions or advice it would be really helpful. After these arguments I feel incredibly sad and feel so horrible for even saying anything at all..

[Sallyskins]

Persist with the not drinking - it does make a difference to be free of alcohol. In any case alcohol doesn't go with OCD medication.

I stopped drinking alcohol when I was 19 and haven't regretted it or be tempted back. It's possible to go to a party, have lots of fun - and know you aren't going to have a hangover the next morning.

Remember that alcohol is a depressant, and isn't going to make you feel better, except for a short while - then it's going to make you feel worse.

I'm rather concerned that you say your partner 'gets suicidal'. Does he have mental health problems too? If so, then you're both going to have to be very patient and tolerant with one another.

He shouldn't make threats about breaking up with you - it's manipulative and emotional blackmail. If he's serious about having doubts about your relationship he needs to voice them seriously, and not just use them as abuse.

If he hasn't got mental health problems himself, then perhaps point him to a self help book - many have chapters aimed at friends and family and give them information about how best to deal with OCD in a partner, friend or family member. A good one is in The OCD Workbook. There are also books aimed at friends and family.

It's good to remember that men aren't always helpful when all you want is for someone to be sympathetic and go 'there, there'! If a partner is feeling upset, they're likely to simply point out the obvious in a matter-of-fact way. No sense in picking a fight with him about it!

[MrsMapdog]

I'm so sorry you are having these struggles. May I ask what is cptsd? I know about ptsd but am confused about the c. I had been lashing out at my husband for so many things. Even little things were setting me off. I have OCD, anxiety and have struggled with depression. Because I wasn't sad and weepy I didn't think it was depression. I did some research and found out that depression can mask itself with anger and agitation. I talked to my dr and he said it can. He put me back on an antidepressant and I feel like I can control my temper better.Try talking to a doctor about your struggles.

Best wishes

[SCC1 in reply to MrsMapdog]

Hi MrsMapdog. My therapist said the same thing about depression. I had told her I didn't think I was depressed, because I am not sad and I laugh at times. I don't cry very often, and I can have conversations and get out of the house.

My therapist said one doesn't have to be sad or down a lot and still can do things including laugh. I have been diagnosed w/ depression, actually pretty bad depression, even though I don't feel depressed. There are other ways to identify depression, as you had said.

I do have trouble doing some things and do not feel happy/joy. I do get angry a lot and would rather be by myself. But I still don't feel depressed.

You can have high-functioning depression, where you can go on w/ daily life, but still feel "bad".

Thank you for your comment on that. It's good to find out I'm not the only one who feels like that.