Relationship OCD

[Lost-soul]

I have suffered with OCD for many years now and I managed to get on top of it. However it has recently returned and is ruining my newish relationship, I had a terrible break up over a year ago and finally found a great man who I love very much over 8 months ago. I have now started questioning his love for me and even asking him how he feels about me compared to his exes. I know this is crazy but the urges to ask for reassurance are so uncontrollable. Can anyone give me some successful strategies to resist asking and be able to deal with the anxiety that comes along with it.

[aparente001]

The long-term solution is therapy -- I think you realize that.

For a short-term coping mechanism, you might want to select a couple of activities to do in place of asking for reassurance. Here are some examples of possibilities:

Tell your partner you feel an itch to ask for reassurance (but ask your partner ahead of time not to provide reassurance when you mention that you're feeling the itch)

Tap your finger on your other hand

Do some housework

Go for a walk

Engage in a fun hobby

Etc.

Keep in mind that giving in and scratching the itch may not make you feel better; and the longer you're able to postpone asking for reassurance, the easier it will get.

Regards.

[Phoenyx]

I’m really sorry you are not feeling well lately. As you probably know OCD is related to the person suffering from it not the other way around. Meaning OCD can lead to thoughts questioning your love to your partner because we doubt ourself, our thoughts, our feelings. You might want to find a good therapist and discuss this with him/her.

Trust me, it’s a better thing if it’s not OCD related :)!

In regards to your intrusive thoughts, I will share what works best for me. If your thought is “does he really love me?”, go ahead and answer to yourself “he might do or he might don’t!”. Your brain seeks reassurance. Give it a might/might not answer. I learned this technique from the book “overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts”. I highly recommend it

Hope that helps!

[Sallyskins]

Do get professional help for the OCD - possibly medication, but most importantly CBT.

I note that you had a bad break-up just over a year ago. It's possible - probable - that this is affecting the relationship you have now, particularly as you got together with him not many months after the break-up with your previous partner.

This isn't bad or wrong in itself - it's great that you've found someone else! And a good relationship following on from a bad break-up can be a healing thing in itself.

But traumatic break-ups can leave scars, and a legacy of mistrust and hurt and low self-esteem. This could be behind the OCD flare up.

Try to remember that his exes are exes for a reason - and that he's with you now. Don't get caught in an eddy of thought about his previous partners - don't ruminate!

I know how uncontrollable OCD urges can be - but giving in just feeds the desire for reassurance and the more you can resist, the easier it gets. Perhaps, as the poster above says, tell him you want reassurance but that he's not to supply it. Take his expressions of love as what I'm sure they are - real and true!