My bf has severe OCD : Hello, I hope it’s... - My OCD Community

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My bf has severe OCD

baby_snake
baby_snake

Hello, I hope it’s okay that I joined because I’m trying to find ways to navigate my boyfriends OCD. His particular struggle is with memory hoarding. He obsesses over remembering things exactly the way they happened and if even the tiniest detail is left out it causes him extreme and sometimes debilitating anxiety, and it makes him feel like living and making new memories isn’t worth it. Reminiscing on memories is hard because it’s usually a trigger for him especially if I can’t help him remember something that he needs to know about it (I have a crappy memory tbh). I’m never really sure how to respond to his compulsions because I’m afraid of doing more harm than good. I was wondering if anyone on here struggles with the same type of OCD or knows anyone who is and if you could offer any advice to me on how to navigate these situations. I love him with my whole heart and I want to be as helpful as I possibly can.

6 Replies
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I would like to welcome you to the OCD Support Network.

We are here to offer hope and help to each other.

We are in this together.

Let your boyfriend just sit with the anxiety.

Try not to remember details to complete his memory. This way you are feeding his OCD.

Let him face the fear of not knowing the complete details.

The anxiety will be high in the beginning. But it will slowly get lesser.

The thought of trying to find the details, will slowly fade away.

I hope this helps and things improve.

The main thing is to be there for your boyfriend, and offer support by your presence.

Thank you so much ❤️ that makes sense since that way I won’t be feeding into his compulsions

I will recommend When a family member has OCD, a book written by Jon Hershfield.

I think its great that you joined to be supportive of your boyfriend.

It's great that you joined here and want to support your boyfriend.

As you have probably figured out, OCD can be incredibly disruptive to the lives of people who have OCD and the people who love them. If your boyfriend is not working with a therapist trained in OCD, I'd strongly recommend that he find one. A professional can help him get to a much better place mentally, as well as helping you navigate the tricky area of supporting him while not enabling his compulsions.

There are lots of self-help resources that can get you started, but if his OCD is severe, a good therapist can make recovery a lot more achievable (and a lot quicker). A therapist can also decide if medication could help.

I don't know much about this type of OCD but the treatment of all types is about the same in its essence. In rational moments, the sufferer must recognize the intrusive thoughts and fears as irrelevant and not representative of significant threats. Then when the obsessions appear, the person must use this insight to accept and ignore the obsessions, even though they seem highly relevant and threatening while they are occurring. The sufferer will be tempted to do compulsions to relieve the anxiety, but this only strengthens the obsessions in the long run. By not giving in, the anxiety will be high in the short-term but it will eventually dissipate, thus "teaching" the sufferer's brain that the compulsions are not necessary and the obsessions are irrelevant. In time the obsessions will become less frequent, weaker, and easier to ignore.

In short, treatment boils down to "Don't do the compulsions." But as anyone with OCD will tell you, this is extremely difficult, and therapy will help your boyfriend develop a method that enables him to confront his fears and resist his compulsions in a doable and effective way.

Good luck!

Well done you for being there ....he will ask you for reinsurance,but as we all know that just satisfies it for a short time ,,,,he will get frustrated with you and make you feel like crap ,but that's the way this curse goes ...when he get a real ocd therapist. Together you all will find a good way to put it back in its box ,,,,stay strong ,it only attacks Nice guys xx

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