When I stopped the OCD: Hey ❤️❤️❤️ I drew... - My OCD Community

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When I stopped the OCD

Magic214 profile image

Hey ❤️❤️❤️

I drew and painted this a few weeks ago when I was doing a good job at managing my OCD.

I woke up with a plan. I told myself today I’m going to paint. I sketched this drawing and instantly filled with excitement.

When I began to paint, I had no anxiety to obsess over.

As of now, I am in need of some support. I messed up a painting I’ve been working on for weeks. I feel devastated. It hurts so much. 😢😢

I hope this pic puts a smile on someone’s face today. ❤️ love you all!

15 Replies

This is a fabulous painting, very beautifully painted.

I am sorry that your other painting got messed up.

It must be sad and difficult for you.

Mistakes happen in life. You tried your best.

But on the brighter side, look at this painting, and the wonderful job you have done.

Take Care.

Magic214 profile image
Magic214 in reply to

Aww!! Thank you so much for the compliment... ❤️ You’re absolutely correct, mistakes do happen. It tore me up inside because painting is when I’m most at peace. I can even have an obsessive thought as I paint...soon the thought will fade & my mind will become flooded with creative ideas.

When I messed up on my pic, it reminded me that I don’t have as much control over the OCD like I thought. Instantly, I became enraged as I felt this suffering would never end.

I screamed. I cried. I covered my painting. I faced the anxiety and boy did it hurt. I reached out for support because I couldn’t bare to tell myself I’m worthless when I am capable of this type of beauty. And this makes me love me.

So I stood up, still in pain. I faced my pic and suddenly I remembered how I “epically” destroyed this pic as well. 😉

MissBowLady profile image
MissBowLady in reply to Magic214

I thought I was safe from OCD in my art as well, but I know now it hinders me and makes me compelled not to draw certain things because they are “bad” or are associated with something “bad”.

It sucks. And it’s scary and even terrifying confronting OCD in your art because, you want to paint (or in my case draw) something and then OCD comes and tries to tell you it’s bad and now you are scared of drawing it and you may say “or I’ll do it later when I forget” but sometimes for me I don’t. And eventually I have to confront the thought by drawing it. But it doesn’t feel the same anymore. Drawing is intimate for me and it feels like what I wanted to draw is tainted or not the same anymore because of OCD ruining the feeling I had when I wanted to draw it. But I have to draw it so that I confront my OCD and I then have to wait and see if I come back to the picture I’m happy about how it came out the way I wanted and that OCD was just trying to ruin my day.

But the feeling sucks and I hate it so much. So if you are feeling that too I understand. It’s a new thing I’m struggling with, and I also hate feeling powerless against my OCD. I want to be in control but things are just so messy in my head. But I know I can do it somehow, or that there is someway out. I just have to either wait it out or find it. But I’m sure you can beat this thought and/or OCD that is occurring now and count it as a victory.

P.S. I typed this as you were just replying to my other reply so thank you for responding :) I’m also glad you didn’t trash the painting :D

Magic214 profile image
Magic214 in reply to MissBowLady

And I’m so sorry that you deal with this as well. I can definitely relate. When I get stuck in my thoughts, it kills my creative mood. That is usually when I rely on my rituals. The best treatment for OCD is ERP. (Exposure and Response Prevention)

Exposure yourself to what you fear on your terms. Maybe try sketching what you feel is bad before starting an entire project. I would try to sketch it out all over one page. Then I would cover it up and wait awhile but come back to the sketch.

When I’m struggling for the day, I absolutely fear drawing and painting as I don’t want to screw it up. So I will do other things to calm me so I can feel inspired to create. Once you have a negative thought, try to channel it. Not necessarily ignore. So I’ll lie down on my mat and meditate before I begin yoga. Or I’ll listen to music and dance until I’m completely out of breath and my thighs are sore! I experience a burst of motivation because when my legs are sore that means I was successful with my workout lol.

MissBowLady profile image
MissBowLady in reply to Magic214

For me I don’t really start projects I just start... drawing I guess. Whatever I want it comes in constantly. But I try to make myself continue drawing the thing I want to even if I hate the feeling going on from OCD. It can be mood ruining most times. But I think I usually end up looking back at the drawing and liking what I drew. It makes me happy.

Also good on you for meditating and exercising even with the Pandemic going on!

Sometimes, mistakes in art can end up being a beautiful part of the work.

And sometimes we have to find creative ways to cover up our mistakes, or make it seem like they were intentional. And if needed, artists will find a way to turn the mistake around so that is becomes something they like instead.

And if all else fails, all an artist can do is try again. The progress may be gone but you know from the first time what things to avoid or how to improve on your second piece. And knowing what to do since you’ve done it before will help ease the pain of messing up the first time.

So sometimes, actually- always, mistakes end up leading to artists finding a creative way to improve the work or themselves.

But still I’m sorry you messed up your piece, but I’m glad you have an outlet to help distance yourself from your OCD.

P.S. I like how you painted the yellow dress.

Magic214 profile image
Magic214 in reply to MissBowLady

It took 6 hours, but I am pleased to say that I wholeheartedly agree with you! I put a lot of work into that pic, and sure I could trash it and start from scratch....but during this anxiety attack, I had to regain power.

So I faced my other pic. And I mixed a color to cover up my mistakes. As it dries, it looks so much better. Hopefully I can be finished tomorrow so I can get started on a new piece. And I can’t wait to share it. There were other parts to this new pic that I messed up early on & it just ended up being perfect. Lol. This is art, this is the process. And I’m shading with paint, so being that it’s new territory, I shouldn’t be so hard on myself....

But can I just say, Thank God I fixed it!!!! Lol I’m so much more relieved.

I also love how you pointed out the dress. This was the part of this pic that I screwed up soooo bad! I now remember feeling the exact same way about this piece. Thank you so much for your kind words. I will hold onto them as I continue to paint.

Amesome painting! The color scheme is lovely. I like the poses as well and that dress is gorgeous!

I totally know what you mean about botching a project, it's VERY frustrating and disheartening. sometimes I paint entire sections of sketchbooks black just to cover up the drawings I'm not pleased with. I hope that you can shake it off so-to-speak and keep on creating beautiful art. Don't get discouraged!

God bless!

Magic214 profile image
Magic214 in reply to asthedeer

It really means a lot getting the stamp of approval from another artist! Thank you for noticing the details!

Black is an errors best friend! Lol the piece I’m working on now has quite a bit of black in it for that exact reason. Lol. I created a color that looks exactly like the paper to “erase” the shading errors. Now I’m excited about the piece again. But I want to make sure I pace myself and take some time to calm my nerves. But soo far so good! Thank you so much! I will be sharing the new piece with you all!

asthedeer profile image
asthedeer in reply to Magic214

awesome, I look forward to seeing it :) !!! I'm happy to know there's another artist around here.

Looks great, and don't worry about messing up on your other painting, it sucks to mess up, especially if that is part of your OCD, but just do your best to roll with it, and sometimes great things come from mistakes, and they give you something to learn from.

That is a beautiful painting. I'm sorry your other painting didn't go as planned.

Great job, love the candle opera. You are very talented, never doubt yourself! Best of luck, you got this!

Amazing

I have taken art classes at the local city college. I once over-worked a painting that was beautiful....... It happens.

It's ok. The world won't stop spinning!

We're all imperfect ppl.

Hugs

Yes! Overworking my paintings . I’m really trying to learn how to control this. Thank you! ❤️

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