Struggling with bad ROCD

[Roryfae1]

please help. I’m struggling with really bad relationship ocd with my mom,

She is amazing and has been so helpful with my anxiety and patient. Yesterday my ROCD which I’m really thinking it is got bad and I misread something and explained what I was feeling in a not very clear way, unintentional and she admitted that she feels sometimes like she is under a microscope and if she doesn’t look or tone isn’t a certain way she feels it could trigger my anxiety. I feel so so awful I made her feel that way bad now it feels so smears between us 🥺😥 I always loved how close we are. I feel like I’m ruining everything and haven’t stopped crying

[aparente001]

I am a parent of someone with OCD. There are difficult aspects of this, it is true. However, this relationship is very rewarding for me in some ways. Here is one example. I remember, when my son was about 11 or 12, we were walking home from a nice hike, and he commented to me that his strong imagination was behind the intrusive thoughts that were very hard to deal with, but was also responsible for his quirky sense of humor. He made me laugh every day. Now not so much, as he is 19 and is working on making a bit of distance from me, as he is transitioning to adulthood. (And that's okay.)

There are many practical aspects of parenting a person with OCD that one can learn in therapy, support groups, webinars, etc.

If I were your parent, I would ask you to notice that we are two separate, different people, and you don't need to take on more anxiety, worrying about me. My own anxiety about perhaps making things worse for you -- that is a me problem, not a you problem.

Regards.

[Sallyskins]

I'm afraid that OCD puts relationships with family and friends under strain. And it can be particularly hard for mothers, who no matter how old you are, feel responsible for you and do their best for you.

I've no doubt that your mother loves you and does her best for you. It's her care for you that is behind this - she is trying very hard not to trigger you, and that puts you both in a difficult position. She tries not to trigger you, and you try not to let your OCD affect her.

Don't let this incident spoil your relationship with her. Perhaps apologize for the stress you put her under, tell her you know OCD can make things difficult for friends and family - and let her know how much you appreciate her care, patience, help and love.

This sounds like a mere misunderstanding - she doesn't, I'm sure, want for you to feel so bad. Get it all out in the open - don't blame her or beat yourself up about it. The bond your mom has with you can't be broken that easily!