needing ocd feedback - please

[123ST3]

So I just started with an ERP therapist….. we’ve done our first two sessions, neither of which included ERP, yet. We’ve been doing background and assessing my obsessions etc…

The strategies she has given me are to say to my intrusive thoughts things like, “maybe so, maybe not…… I’m gonna let that thought be there…..feelings are not facts.”

I’ve also been starving my compulsions, which is to seek reassurance, research stuff, continued prayer, stuff like that.

FYI

all my obsessions are mental…. Like, am i going crazy, do I believe in God, what if this or that etc.

my question is, what can I do in the moment? I’m spending some entire days anxious as hell, anxious about being anxious. Self checking, “am I anxious?”

Is this just what it’s gonna be like for a while because I’ve starved the compulsions?

any feedback or help is welcomed.

[MothFir]

You can expect ERP to be hard at first and it will feel "funny" or "off" to handle your intrusive thoughts differently than you have traditionally handled them. On the other hand, some people do have more mental anxiety than perhaps is necessary, often because they are still ruminating in one way or another. Some therapists don't always address this adequately. You might find some of the articles on this therapist's website helpful -- his insights on intrusive thoughts and analytical thinking really helped me:

drmichaeljgreenberg.com/

[MothFir in reply to MothFir]

This one could be particularly helpful: drmichaeljgreenberg.com/und...

[123ST3 in reply to MothFir]

I like it.... I've actually stumbled on his stuff before while scouring the internet for relief. It's hard to find the balance between searching for answers in a healthy way as opposed to an unhealthy or compulsive way. But in this case, it was a good reminder that I have a choice in whether to ruminate or not.

[Nikodemos in reply to MothFir]

Thanks for this link!

[IStillHaveHope]

First let me state how brave you're being. It may not feel like it at the moment, but you're starting to face your fears instead of letting them run your life. That's more than most people do in a lifetime.

Challenging your compulsions is VERY difficult in the beginning. You've been wiring your brain to behave a certain way (for most of us a very long time) and now you're trying to unwire it. In my experience the obsessive thoughts were very strong and caused a lot of distress when first starting out. However, over time they became less and less troublesome. You're learning that you can be calm and peaceful even in the storm.

I did a lot of ruminating too in the beginning. I read somewhere that it can be difficult for people with OCD to figure out what "being with the thought" is. Sometimes they'll think they're "being with the thought" but their just ruminating. Ruminating is trying to figure out a solution, or spiraling into "what if" thinking. I found that just noting what I was feeling helped with the rumination; like, "I feel a knot in my stomach. I'm having thoughts now. I hear the birds outside, etc. etc.". If you're interested, I'd check out the RAIN method. If you google Judson Brewer RAIN you should find it. It helps you be more present and not run away with the thoughts.

From reading your post, what you're dealing with sounds pretty typical. Keep with it though, it does work. Also, take care of yourself during this difficult time. Practice loving kindness to yourself. Tell yourself, "I am learning something new and I am getting better". Celebrate the little steps because over time they'll move you miles. Get enough rest and take time to process all the emotions you're feeling. You're building momentum and moving in a positive direction.

Also, you're moving on a path many have travelled before. A lot of us on this site know exactly what you're going through and feel for you. You're not alone in this. Keep checking in to let us know how you're doing. I hope you find the peace you deserve my friend. God bless you.

[123ST3 in reply to IStillHaveHope]

Thank you so much for your response!!! Means a lot. Yeah, it's been a rough stretch for sure. I am hoping that ERP is gonna help a lot, once we actually get that started.

It feels like I am spending a lot of the day just self checking... a lot of time saying, "am I anxious? I feel anxious.... when am I gonna feel better? Do I feel better? Will I feel like this forever?" Sucks because I feel like it's just waiting on me when I wake up.... I wake up and immediately check to see if I'm anxious.... and then I am.

[IStillHaveHope in reply to 123ST3]

Believe me friend I understand. One of the hardest things for me to do was "be in the now". A lot of what I found said to just "watch" your anxiety. The trick is to be there, feeling it, and not casting yourself in the future or past. I'd ask myself the same questions you do; "When am I going to feel better?"; "Will this ever be better?"; "Am I even making any progress?". However, I realize now that I was just casting myself into the future and ruminating.

If you're interested look up the RAIN method by Dr. Judson Brewer (he's a psychiatrist who studies anxiety). He has an app called Unwinding Anxiety which I subscribed to for a while. It was a bit pricey ( I think like $160 for 6 months) but the daily lessons and modules helped me understand anxiety and relaxation better. There are others too. I know some people have had luck with the NOCD app, but I haven't looked into it.

I hope you find luck on your journey my friend. Take care.

[Hidden]

I feel you. I often wake up with a feeling of doom, like a huge cloud descending on me the moment I open my eyes. Getting out of bed really helps me. Just going out to get the paper or starting the coffee. "Move your body," is advice I read in a book decades ago when I was a kid (the book was about being a widow) and changing your body can often change your mindset.

[123ST3 in reply to Hidden]

Sooooo true!!!!!!!! The mind can inform the body… this is how we all operate 99% of the time I think… we forget that it can work the opposite way as welll…. The body can inform the mind!!! Energetic body language, posture etc… can change your psychology. I needed this reminder. Thanks!