Hi! I am new here, but desperately searching for help for my 23 year old daughter with OCD. She is a high achiever and has had anxiety for years. During the first lockdown in the pandemic she developed OCD. It is taking over her life as she has to wash her hands and other parts of her body a lot. Her hands are red raw and dry from the constant use of soap and water. She also uses rubbing alcohol to clean items.
I really want to get some targeted help for her. She has been on various antidepressants for years and has had CBT through her GP. Nothing seems to be helping. Can anyone suggest anyone to contact please?
Written by
Aliceangel
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
I highly suggest downloading the NOCD app and connecting with a therapist on there. I've suffered since I was little (I'm 38 now!!) but things got really bad about ten years ago and I have tried EVERYTHING. Finally two months ago I did ERP through a therapist on the NOCD app and I finally feel like myself again. ERP (exposure response prevention) is really the key for OCD but I kept putting it off because I was afraid to face my fears. But I am soooo glad I did it. I felt better within one month of therapy.
Hopefully they take her insurance because they didn't take mine but it was worth every penny!! At the very least, there's a community on the app where you can connect with thousands of other people with your same content area of OCD and it's very helpful. I hope your daughter finds relief because I know how miserable OCD is 😔
I think it likely that she has had OCD for much longer - and that it has been merely exacerbated and brought to the surface by the Coronavirus. I had OCD for years without knowing what it was, and many of us with OCD cover ourselves pretty well, hiding it from others.
Antidepressants can help to dampen it down but CBT is usually the best way forward. It is difficult to do, and getting a supportive therapist can really help - one that has particular expertise in OCD.
But there are also a number of self help books that are really useful - Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and The OCD Workbook are the ones that have helped me most.
My OCD first became unmanageable and difficult to hide at about the same age as your daughter's but the symptoms had been there for years. I didn't get appropriate treatment until many years later, so it's good that OCD is better known about, better treated and more quickly diagnosed.
I too have had the red raw hands - moisturizing can be difficult if you're washing your hands constantly, but if she can put on a good hand moisturizer such as Eucerin before she goes to bed then that should alleviate the rawness a lot.
If CBT and meds really don't help then she could try Inositol - it's a natural substance, safe to take and studies have found it to be helpful in really difficult cases of OCD. It can be bought over the counter in some health food shops and chemists or you can get it online (make sure it comes from a reputable supplier). Large doses of about 18 g a day are necessary. It is safe, as I said, has few side effects and is one of the B group of vitamins. Here are a couple of links to some information:
I note that you say your daughter is a high achiever. Although OCD affects all sorts of people, I think that if much is expected of you, if you set yourself high standards, and no matter how well you do feel you fall short of those high standards, then it's possible you may be prone to OCD. There is a degree of perfectionism in many OCD sufferers.
I do hope this is helpful - and do post any updates on your daughter.
Hi Sallyskins!Your suggestions are very helpful, thank you for taking the time to reply.
I had a long talk with my daughter last night and as you say, her OCD did in fact start earlier when she was about 15. At that time, it manifested as counting and checking.
With regards to her being a high achiever, I have never knowingly put pressure on her to be anything in life. All I want is for her to be happy and be able to live her best life- to coin an overused phrase!
She has been on various antidepressants for years, but none of them have helped. I do feel that she has been let down by the system. She has had CBT and counselling which haven't helped either.
Her hand are red raw from washing, but she cannot put moisturiser on them because she feels that it will also 'contaminate' them.
She is so anxious about contamination that she only wears old clothes, keeps her long hair tied up and does not wear makeup.
I have read that ERP can be very successful, but we do not have much money and I don't know how to get it on the NHS, if that is possible!
I'm sorry if I gave the impression that I blamed you for her setting herself such high standards! I meant merely that some people - including perhaps your daughter - are perfectionists, set themselves very high standards, and feel they constantly fall short. It's an internal thing and certainly not your fault.
ERP isn't easy to do, but it is effective. If it can only cut down the washing and rituals, it can make life so much easier for the OCD sufferer.
The best thing for her to do is to go to her GP and ask for a referral to her local Community Mental Health Team. They should assess her and assign a CBT therapist to her. There's likely to be a long waiting list, I'm afraid. But at least it's free. And reliable and accountable.
There are a lot of good private therapists, but they can be very expensive, as you know. And there are a lot who are downright dodgy, promise a cure and take people's money without delivering. At least you can rely on the NHS for tried-and-tested methods.
Counselling on its own doesn't work very well. CBT is practical and concentrates on altering your behaviour and encouraging a more healthy mindset. And although GPs do their best, they are stretched and don't always pick up on how bad something like OCD can be. She needs to emphasize how difficult OCD makes things for her - no need to exaggerate, just tell it as it is!
There is an OCD unit at Springfield Hospital in Tooting - I had a four month stay there some years ago. I found it helpful. They only take small numbers of patients so there is a wait - but it's NHS and free.
Another suggestion is the Oxford unit - non-residential - run by Professor Paul Salkovskis in Oxford. He's an expert on OCD and has written and published a lot, and treated many people with OCD. Again, it's NHS. I think, from what I understand, that though based in Oxford they come to you rather than you having to go there.
Professional help may be best, but she can make a start by using some of the exercises in a good self-help book. Make a list of what is most and least difficult for her, and tackle the least difficult - say leave her hair loose for a few hours - it's for her to decide. Chipping away at OCD can really help.
I had the counting and checking when I was much younger too. It goes unnoticed, usually - it's all internal, and I certainly didn't know what it was. Few people had heard of OCD. It must be so distressing for you watching her suffer - but help is available.
I just wanted to applaud you for being here. Alone, it took me several years to realize my symptoms were of the obsessive-compulsive spectrum. Sallyskins has provided excellent advice, as she always does. I've enjoyed reading this conversation between you.
I'm glad your daughter was willing to share a long talk last night. My own mother is just beginning to understand the struggle I've had with OCD, and after years of being alone with this "monster", talking with her is a real weight off my shoulders.
Trigger warning: During that long talk with your daughter, she revealed that OCD had introduced itself as counting and checking in her early teenage years. This monster has many faces. For example, my specific subtype is Harm OCD. I count to distract myself from violent thoughts and check to see that I didn't hit somebody with my car. It makes life very challenging. To protect my mother, there's a lot I haven't told her. This includes the passive suicidal ideation I experience on a regular basis. To clarify: I don't plan suicide, but I do think about not living.
I encourage you to continue these long talks with your daughter. The more you learn, the more you'll be able to help her.
If ERP hasn't worked, it probably will. It's supposed to be difficult. The International OCD Foundation describes ERP as "a strategy of purposefully exposing yourself to things that make you anxious." This is based on the principle of habituation, which means getting used to something we don’t like. For instance, the longer you stay in cold water the more tolerable it becomes.
I haven't jumped into the frigid depths of ERP yet, but like your daughter, I really should.
If you haven't had luck with SSRI's alone, I found great relief when my psychiatrist added a low-dose new-gen anti-psychotic, in my case, Seroquel. I take a very small amount, but it helps so much and made such a difference so quickly. Like others have pointed out, it's likely she has had OCD all along, it just wasn't so obvious till the stress made it impossible to hide anymore. Good luck and I hope you find something that helps!
I've been prescribed a low dose of an anti-psychotic too, and it really does help. Mine is aripiprazole - only 5 mg a day. It's not only a help with the OCD, but makes me feel more like my old self.
Thank you for your reply! How do you even get a psychiatrist? We keep hitting a brick wall. I know that funding is an issue on the NHS, but CBT with a therapist hasn't helped.
I orignally went to the UNC clinic. Check with your local university hospital if you can. Many have urgent case clinic spots available, but you may have to sit in the office a while waiting for a spot the first time.
Sorry - of course urea is an exfoliant. It's safe but can make the skin sting a bit. Perhaps an all round non-urea moisturizing hand cream is best in these cases.
I'm not sure of where to go since I might live somewhere else but lots of places have ocd specialists and I would recommend a book called brain lock also for the dry cracking hands I get that alot if you look the best thing to at least help that untill compulsions are controllable is O'Keefe dry hands hand cream I get thatvalot due to my job that involves constant hand washing
In my experience, finding the right medication is literally life-changing. I hope she is able to find relief, and I'm certain she is grateful for your unconditional love and support.
Finding right medication with correct therapeutic dose for OCD is helpful. I was on such a low dose for years until my therapist who specializes in OCD suggested my dose be increased. After slow but significant dose increase, CBT was much more successful.
My daughter now 15 was diagnosed at 13 and i agree that she has had some high standards set on herself which can be stressing to achieve
ERP was hard but she managed - i recall she had intrusive thoughts on breathing that she is inhaling weed, drugs....it was very sad and traumatizing to see her cry. with ERP she could cry trying to hold on to the exposure but when she even achieved one the outcome was amazing, she is on SSRI - 100mg daily dose - it has worked well to manage the thoughts we thank God.
i keep speaking with her to understand where she is but the therapist also cautioned me not to overdo it and introduce compulsions
I pray your girl get better and you her support-you are doing well - with you both and hoping she get a good therapist this time - it will be manageable!
sending hugs to her and you and thinking of you!
Its great to see all community members here helping - i truly appreciate this forum
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Parent of 21yr old daughter with INTRUSIVE thoughts
false memory struggles
Should I give reassurance and explanations?
Confession ocd 
