Finally ready to get my symptoms under control and live my life

[Flamewheel]

It has taken me: the loss of my mom, the draining of all of the financial resources I inherited from her, the loss of my church community, two residential programs, two partial hospitalization programs, one intensive outpatient program, and countless more individual therapy sessions to finally wake up to the reality that I can and must get better if I want to get the life I want.

This has been a years-long process. For me, letting go of my compulsions means admitting to and coming to peace with the fact that my mom is no longer here to provide for me in ways I took for granted. It means admitting I am no longer a child, and I need to grow into a mature adult. And if I really want to come to a place in life where I can give back to this community I so dearly love, I myself have to get better. And when I do, I'll have this incredible story to tell - lived with severe OCD since childhood, developed depression at 13, watched my mom die of cancer when I was 22, sold her estate and then almost immediately got into a car accident, got almost no support from my family, received little love, care and understanding from my church family, developed type II diabetes and nearly died from complications, and now here I am, nearing my 30s, finally ready to let go of my compulsions, because I know that if I don't, I'll be stuck in the same vicious cycle, and I won't get better, and I won't be able to help all those people suffering from this horrid condition and offer them the hope that there is a way though this dark, painful tunnel that so few people understand and into an incredible life you never could have imagined.

My word to anyone reading this is to keep going, even when it's hard. Keep going, even when you want to die. Trust me, I have been there more times than I can count, and I understand life's sufferings far more than most people. I lost my biggest advocate and supporter. I felt like my own family turned on me. And my former pastor admitted he didn't even know what to do with me. Despite all of this, by some miracle I am still here and fighting, and I believe wholeheartedly now that I will get better, and part of what keeps me going is all of you who suffer like me and all of your loved ones who so desperately want you to get better. I fight for all of you, and take that to heart.

Now thank you for reading the transcript of my impromptu TED Talk! Lol.

[RHCPfan]

I’m sorry you have suffered so much. Have you considered joining another church and becoming active there as a way to move forward and find community?

[Flamewheel in reply to RHCPfan]

I have found one in San Diego I have started to attend frequently. I have been making some treasured friends. It took me a couple of years to step into church again after what happened at my last one. But this one is starting to feel like a home to me, and I am grateful.

[MothFir]

Great post, and best wishes!

[CalmnessinMind]

This might help if you are beginning a new life?

youtu.be/GRgnB86E4z8(Not working as expected?)

[Mlk307]

only you know, and those who suffer from this can know ! how much, and what is this hell. if you are still with us, I think an angel is keeping you there. you didn't lost churches or any spirit of protection...I sleep and wake up with this monster since may be 30 years. how did I succeed to be a doctor in physics and built a professional life I don't know....I believe something or someone is keeping us alive...