My OCD has gotten so bad

[ShiftingAlien]

Hey everyone. I've finally decided to write about this because I really don't know where else to start.

I have had OCD/BDD since I was fourteen. I'm twenty-eight now and it's gotten both better and worse. From 17-24 I didn't leave the house and shut myself in and from 25-26 I had an okay year. But now it's getting bad again.

It feels like I'm separating myself from my body and floating as I just work and constantly do the same routine. My acne has gotten worse and I took a stress test and my stress levels are in the red zone.

I'm not even sure if I recognize stress at this point but my body sure does.

I moved to Hawaii from NJ but due to my business in going to be moving back to NJ which is also a form of stress due to the move. I'm constantly working but now I spend at least 3-5 hours a day (not at the same time) looking at myself in a mirror or anywhere I can see my reflection. I also feel guilty for being happy and trying to do things for myself. That and feeling not good enough. It's so weird.

My job consists of me being on camera for hours which also doesn't help with stress.

I'm considering going to therapy once I go back to NJ but I do need help now. I've tried a rubberband, mantras, timing myself but nothing works.

Would love to hear some suggestions cause looking at myself and constantly grooming my hair is causing huge issues.

I'm starting a new hormone balancer as well which might be the cause of this since I do have PMDD, but I'm just worried this won't go away before my 30s.

Thanks everyone!

[SirUthal]

Hey, glad you posted to the community. It’s good that you are considering finding a therapist once you move, but as for wanting to find some immediate assistance you could try some self help books on OCD and BDD. I’m not familiar with BDD, but I know a bunch of good books for OCD if you want the names. Another good resource is the IOCDF webpage. Self help is great, but nothing can replace the guidance of professional help, so maybe you could get a short term counselor in Hawaii before you move?

[trailwalker53]

Hi and welcome. I'm so sorry that you suffer from BDD. I am very familiar with this type of OCD because my 23 year old daughter also suffers from it. I understand the devastation it causes. She has shaved her head multiple times, lost weight, gained weight, spent thousands of dollars shopping for clothes....all to make herself look "human". She spent some time at an inpatient facility that literally saved her life. She still struggles but is doing much better. We also live in NJ, so I know how hard it can be to find a therapist who is familiar with ERP especially BDD and who participates with your insurance. If you can't find anyone, I have heard many good things about NOCD, which is virtual. Hang in there, you are not alone.