Social media influence obsessions

[G0ldenwr0ught]

Hi everyone-

I’ve been experiencing severe anxiety surrounding my presence and influence on social media for a while now. I’m a musician, and I’ve been growing a relatively large tiktok following since last year. I get quite a few dms and tons of comments from strangers, and though I don’t interact with them much these days, I was quite active and engaged last year.

I have had a lot of anxiety and obsessed over how I or my actions might be perceived, and I am currently stuck on an instance where I responded to a specific user in comments and dms, and worrying whether that might have been inappropriate. I have been trying to stop myself from compulsively going over the messages, as I know that will likely only worsen my anxiety, so some of this may be inaccurate and is only what I remember.

Someone commented on one of my videos, tagged a friend and said something along the lines of “we’re adopting her!” I, being rather well versed in internet humor with a fondness for absurdity and out-of-pocket statements, responded something like “Omg I’m being adopted.”

Somehow this became a running joke, the person found me on my music Instagram and messaged me there periodically, and I made pleasant conversation and was polite, as I remember it, though I do fear that I am remembering wrong. Gosh I want to re-check those messages. Anyway, this person messaged me at one point, telling me that their friend was having a really hard time mentally, loved my content and they would really appreciate it if I sent a voice message of encouragement. So I did- though I had a lot of anxiety around this at the time. I don’t think my current obsessions were quite what they are now, and I think i was worried about my voice being misused somehow? Besides that, I have a terrible time with recording myself talking in general- one of the reasons I’m a musician. Anyway, I did it and sent the message.

Eventually I stopped responding to this person and most other people who message me. My worry now is that I was inappropriate or could be misconstrued to have been inappropriate. I don’t know this person’s age, but judging from the way they spoke through comments and messages, I assume they were young, probably school aged, though I don’t know for sure. I don’t think I had any bad intentions, but I’m so afraid of my words and actions being misconstrued and twisted. My fear of being seen as a bad person or problematic has led to not posting new content for days or weeks at a time, and an impulse to delete my entire social media presence and disappear. Should I go back and read the messages, just to be sure? I’m afraid I may have fostered a parasocial relationship with this person without realizing it, or that I may have said something inappropriate or that could be perceived as inappropriate.

[JW621]

First off I commend you for coming out and acknowledging the facts. I have adhd and ocd and ptsd. All my

Life I regretted everything I did by reacting impulsively. There’s nothing we can do about what has been said. Learn and think about the situation before you react. Think it through and don’t speak with emotions. You made a mistake now show people how much you’ve grown. Be smart and witty.

[MothFir]

It sounds like your OCD is just messing with you again. Try not to overthink and ruminate about this. You are concerned about your social media interactions, which is commendable. Unfortunately that also creates a situation where OCD will make you wonder "what if?" about every little thing. The less attention you give it, the less you feed it!

[RHCPfan]

I commend you for doing something to try to help another person, and it’s painful to see you beating yourself up about this. This sounds objectively benign, and your intentions were good. What others do to misconstrue your work is on them, not on you. If you enjoy posting on TikTok, don’t stop doing it. Also people post all sorts of silly stuff on TikTok. They’re human, so are you, and everyone knows that. Give yourself a break.

[alexandraisobsessed IOCDF Advocate]

Hey! I can absolutely relate to OCD latching onto your social media interactions. I have a lot of obsessions surrounding how I'm perceived or things I may have said. Just like with all OCD, the best way I've found to manage my obsessions about social media is to lean into the uncertainty and follow my values. Maybe people like me and maybe they don't. Maybe I said something that was misconstrued and maybe I didn't.

It's really hard at first because the urge to check and recheck or ask for reassurance can be so strong, but it does get easier with time.

[missperiwinkle]

Hi! I know this post is a few weeks old but I just joined and can't express how relieving it was to read about someone else with this experience. I have a pretty large following on Twitter (tens of thousands) and having OCD makes it so hard to manage. It's frustrating because I love social media and I feel like it's something I'm good at, but it's also so difficult for me not to read into things and take everything personally, and I have a hard time stepping away from situations when I feel like I've upset someone in some way or where I think I could be perceived as problematic. I had a long time where running my account took over my life because I was spending so much time obsessing over every response I got. I knew it was unhealthy, but I couldn't control myself.

Just want you to know that someone else knows how it feels. I don't see many people talk about obsessions or compulsions that relate to social media, but we're out there!

[G0ldenwr0ught in reply to missperiwinkle]

I’m so glad that my story was helpful in some way!! Social media obsessions are terrifying and often feel very justified, so I know where you’re coming from. I have hundreds of thousands of followers on tiktok, where people get cancelled every day. It’s extremely stressful, and so comforting to know I’m not alone!!