I Need Help Disengaging

[vampirina1]

As the mother of a 21 year old daughter that has a rare epileptic syndrome, I've spent years dealing with seizures, but now I am noticing ocd symptoms as well, such as hoarding, distracting rituals, etc. The biggest problem for me is knowing how to disengage from her rituals. At this time we are up at all hours because she wants, 'one more' song, cleaning her stylus, and many little things that end up taking a lot of time. I realize that she has a lot of anxiety, but it's transferring to me, and I need help trying to deal with it without spiking her anxiety. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[trailwalker53]

Hi and welcome.....I have OCD and I also have a 23 year old daughter who suffers from OCD. It is VERY hard watching your child suffer. What is best for her and her recovery is so very hard to do.....for instance, her therapist told me NOT to reassure her, not to engage, try to remind her of her "tools" and to encourage her that way. But....that is very hard, because as a mother you just want to take all of her suffering away. The fact that she has a therapist who is a specialist in OCD using ERP is what is the most helpful though. I would encourage you to help your daughter find someone who specializes in OCD who may be able to help the both of you. Sorry I don't have any better advice. Hang in there....you are not alone.

[Sallyskins]

There are lots of resources for carers, including books, and many self help books for OCD include a chapter for friends and family - there is a particularly helpful one in The OCD Workbook.

The standard line is not to get involved in rituals or avoiding behaviour, and on the whole this is the best strategy, but in practice, when you have to watch someone suffering and struggling, it is hard not to intervene.

Try to set boundaries - negotiate these with her, make it clear what you will do and what you will not and make sure you take care of yourself. That means going to bed at a proper time for you, not staying up with your daughter because she demands it.

It can be hard to stand aside, but recovery from OCD means the patient making an effort to do things themselves. It might involve drawing up a set of rules with her, writing them down and perhaps putting them up on the wall, and sticking to them.

Being patient and not criticizing someone with OCD, but just letting them get on with the ritual without comment is often the most helpful approach. If she gets too upset, try calming her by telling her she should take a break and rest and then try again.

It can be a problem where there is someone with OCD in the family - and family members are easily roped into the rituals and avoidance behaviour. Try a gradual withdrawal, making it clear to your daughter that she has your support and patience, but that for her sake as well as your own there are limits to what you will do.

It might help to talk to her therapists or doctor as well, if you haven't done so already.

[alexandraisobsessed IOCDF Advocate]

Hello,

I think it's so beautiful that you want to help your daughter and have sought out help.

Does she have a therapist you could consult with to evaluate her symptoms and get treatment if appropriate?

As far as general tips I love this article:

anxietyspecialistsofatlanta...

It's written by two OCD Specialists ☺️

If you need anything else feel free to ask!

You've got this Mama.