I fell into this trap for SO MUCH of my treatment (and still find myself navigating this all the time!). And it makes sense! Of COURSE we are seeking treatment in order to feel better...that's why we reached out in the first place to engage in ERP. However, in order to fight the OCD, "feeling better" can't be the goal. We have to focus on truly embracing uncertainty while being willing for everything we are afraid of to come true. Only then will OCD release it's grip.
By truly embracing the uncertainty...you are on the way to freedom and reclaiming the fully present life you desire! You can do it, and you're not alone!
Written by
OCDAdvocateKatie
IOCDF Advocate
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7 Replies
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Definitely agree with what you are saying. I also say to myself " do I have special powers? Answer is no. "Can my OCD actions/rituals really affect the outcome of things that may affect the health/well being of someone else?" Answer is no. If we take a step back, we can see how true this is, but the uncertainty is what fuels the OCD and makes us question this at times. We can all win the battle of we keep working on combating this horrible disease, but need to work in strategies that are best for us until they get ingrained in our minds, I believe!!!
Hi Katie…I get the whole ‘accepting uncertainty’ thing but how does one accept uncertainty when it pertains to real event OCD? My ocd presented after a trauma 4 years ago. I hurt (not physically) someone I love. I apologized numerous times,..ocd I know), they accepted my apology and I know they have moved on, it is me who is ‘stuck’ in the event. I have the constant desire to tell everyone I know what I did and the constant desire to prove what a good person I truly am who just did one stupid thing. Therefore, my greatest fear is remaining this way for the rest of my life. The thought of it is unbearable.
I know I need an OCD specialist but they are so expensive (my insurance is limited). I feel like the only one with this ocd theme.
Hi Hidden - that's such a GREAT question! Real Event OCD can feel so different, because you find yourself saying...but I ACTUALLY did something that I'm not happy about. I get it!
I struggled with this constantly after a tough divorce - worried that I didn't handle the situation perfectly and was a horrible person. I found myself trying to check everything I had ever done to make sure I was a good person and not a horrible monster. But guess what...it's still OCD!!!! OCD can latched onto things that are completely fabricated or to real life situations. We all do things in life that we aren't thrilled with (it's human nature)...but are OCD makes it feel so much bigger and like we CANNOT move forward without figuring out if we're a good person. For me, I focus on accepting the uncertainty that I may or may not be a "good" person...but I can choose to live into my values regardless. Eventually, the OCD gives up, even if it feels really hard and irresponsible. I get it - it feels unbearable! But accepting the uncertainty and saying...hmmmm yeah, you might be right OCD, but I'm going to live my life anyways...that's where the power lies!
You are DEFINITELY not the only one with this theme. I've navigated both false memory and real event OCD and always felt like the only one. And yet, ERP can still help!!! It really can!!
Thanks so much for the reply! I have looked at the iocdf.org site, have called a few individuals and many have wait lists, are very expensive, etc. My case is complex as I was quite ‘normal’ (award winning professional) before trauma brought this all on. I made a mistake similar in nature a few years ago (when the trauma occurred) though at that time it only affected me no one else. Thus I feel I should have learned from the first time .. I am working with a therapist who has advised that trauma causes us to do uncharacteristic things. That being said, I may just have to put myself on a waitlist and save up in the interim to get on board with a good erp therapist who can help me deal with all of this and move on.I think for me it comes down to that that I have to tell OCD, ‘yes, OCD you may be right, I am not all that ‘good’ and not all that ‘smart’ as I made the same, though not identical, mistake twice’ but I am going to move on anyways.
Can’t imagine what the script for that would be..,if in fact a script is involved.
You are definitely not alone! I am a school chaplain in a very public role…and OCD still totally latched onto everything (especially in light of trauma). I actually just gave a talk at the IOCDF conference on the impact of trauma/grief impacted OCD. Trauma can definitely play a role and amplify OCD symptoms (I’m navigating some of that right now!). But as far as ERP, I really believe it is still the same. I actually do lots of scripting around “yep, I may or may not be this absolutely horrible human being…but I’m going to live my life in a beautiful way regardless.” You are totally not alone at all!!! Oh…and you’re stronger than your OCD
Thank you again! In addition to being kind, you are very knowledgeable. I know I am punishing myself way more than I should .. the punishment doesn’t fit the crime as they say! love your scripting phrase…fits me to a T. I am going to continue my search for an ocd specialist … hopefully an affordable one. And yes, I am stronger than my OCD….I had such a great life before all of this and I plan to get it back.
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