Hello friends,
It's been a long time since I posted here. I wanted to share both how I am doing and offer help to those suffering with these theme. Unfortunately there is not much information online regarding Existential/Philosophical themes and I'd like to change that. So, here it goes.
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You’ve heard about solipsism and now you’re scared to death. You question the existence of everything and everyone. You feel trapped in your mind with no way out. You’re unsure whether to trust your senses because everyone and everything could be a mental projection. You feel like you’re being tricked by your mind, but you also can’t live apart from your senses.
So what do you do? You spend your days ruminating, researching, seeking reassurance, testing, checking, studying philosophy, seeking certainty. You’re like the squirrel off Ice Age chasing the acorn. Every time you grab it, it’s taken away from you. The compulsions might provide seconds of relief, but honestly those few seconds are worth it considering the hell you live with day in and day out.
If you were like me, you spend every waking moment, every second of every day, trapped in your head. Ruminating, Resisting, Fighting, and losing. You might feel like giving up.
Well, what is solipsism? Solipsism is a philosophical theory which posits that nothing can be known outside the self. The external world and other minds cannot be known and might not exist outside or your own head.
What does that mean? Well, it means that everything you experience may be a projection or simulation of your mind. Because you cannot know the minds of others or what’s going on outside the door of your own home, it may all be a mental construction.
Have you seen the movie Inception? Your subconscious may be creating people in your life who are not real. In fact, none of it may be real. You may be living in a false reality. Scary, isn’t it?
This brings us to simulation theory. Simulation theory is a hypothesis which proposes that everything we experience in the world is a simulated reality. We may be living in a computer simulation similar to the movie the Matrix or the video game the Sims. We may all be coded constructs living in a fake digital world. Which means that everything we experience may not be real. You may be living within a false reality.
Have you seen the Truman Show? Personally, I believe the Truman Show is the greatest horror film ever made. The movie is simulation theory on steroids. It shows how a person can be trapped inside a false reality without knowing it. What’s worse, everyone within the world may be working against you. Trying to trick you into believing that everything is real and there’s no need to worry.
Are you afraid yet?
Now, you’re probably thinking, thanks guy!
• How do I get these thoughts, obsessions, worries, out of my head?
• How do I get back to feeling normal again?
• How do I live like I did before encountering these ideas?
Here’s the answer and I want you to listen carefully.
You must learn to accept the idea of living within a reality in which your greatest fear is a possibility.
• It is possible everything you experience is false. It may not be real.
• It is possible you’re in a simulation and others may be working against you.
• It is possible your life may be meaningless and your existence pointless.
I want you to recognize the possibility of these things being true. Because your OCD HATES possibility. It HATES uncertainty. Your OCD wants you to give it undeniable, inscrutable, unassailable, insurmountable, unquestionable, perfect certainty.
But that’s the trick OCD plays within every theme: it demands certainty in an uncertain world. It demands to know whether you have aids or love your partner or turned the stove off or hit somebody with your car. It wants you to prove repeatedly that your fears are untrue. It holds you hostage until you can give it absolute perfect certainty.
But absolute certainty is an illusion. We cannot be absolutely certain about anything. I’m not certain the roof won’t cave in on my head right now. I’m not certain I won’t die of a heart attack before posting this. I’m not certain the world exists outside my office door. It’s possible these things may be true.
But the possibility of something being true doesn’t make it true. It may be possible the roof might fall in on me, but I do not believe it’s probable. I’m willing to take the risk of sitting underneath this roof given the structure of the building and the confidence I have in its construction. The probability of something depends on a variety of different factors. And as human beings, we use our senses to make these assumptions all the time. We live with confidence and not certainty. Now you may call it functional certainty or reasonable certainty, but really all we have is confidence given what we know.
The reason why these obsessions FEEL true is because they scare the crap out of you. When we encounter obsessions our bodies go into fight/flight mode. Adrenaline and cortisol raise through our veins and our bodies prepare for danger. Those bodily feelings make these obsessions feel more probable than they actually are. We misinterpret these feelings a validity of our fears being true. Our obsessions feel dangerous because we treat them as such. We resist.
If you and I were forced to live with absolute certainty, we would get nothing done. We would not be able to get out of bed in the morning. Because we’re human beings. We are finite. We are unable to determine the future or correct the past. We cannot know anything for certain apart from confidence and faith.
And that’s what makes OCD so tricky. It is the doubting disorder. It will make you doubt everything. It is the greatest skeptic you will ever meet. And you will never outargue ocd. It will prove you wrong time and time again. Once you think you’ve reached absolute certainty you will quickly discover another what if? Another hole in your theory. So, you go back to the drawing board- resisting, ruminating, researching, seeking reassurance.
You will find no relief doing these things. What you resist, persists. Resistance is the fuel that keeps the OCD fires burning. So please, stop researching philosophy, existentialism, solipsism, simulation theory. Stop seeking reassurance here and elsewhere. Stop doing these things in order to prove these theories wrong. Every argument you find online will be insufficient. Because there are no arguments which provide what OCD demands: absolute certainty.
Acceptance is the only way out. You must face your fears in order for them to disappear. The only way out is through.
Remember, you must accept the idea of living within a reality in which your greatest fear is a possibility.
When you do this, you prove to your mind that these thoughts are not dangerous. You become comfortable once again living within a world of possibility. Your mind may even stop sending those thoughts because they no longer captivate you. They may still come and go but you welcome them. You welcome their possibility.
There’s more that can be said, but I hope you find this helpful. I have lived with OCD for 23 years and this theme was the hardest for me. I’m not fully recovered. Some days are still a struggle. But through therapy, ERP, ACT, and Self Compassion, I’m doing much better. In fact, I’ve never been healthier.
What made this theme especially hard for me was the lack of information for it online. I hope this changes that in a small way. If you’re struggling with these obsessions, I urge you to get the help you need. I have listed the resources that have helped me below.
God bless.
Resources:
• Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: A Personalized Recovery Program for Living with Uncertainty by Jonathan Grayson (Especially the chapter on uncertainty).
• The OCD Stories Podcast:
o Existential Themed OCD with Jon Hershfield
theocdstories.com/podcast/j...
o Dr. Steven Phillipson- How ERP works, and the power of choice
theocdstories.com/podcast/d...
o Dr. Steven Phillipson- Recovery from thinking the unthinkable
theocdstories.com/podcast/d...
o Dr. Steven Phillipson- Choice (Audiobook)
theocdstories.com/podcast/d...
• Fearcast Podcast- Existential OCD
o fearcastpodcast.com/2018/07...
• NOCD Live Q&A Video (I submitted a question to the experts themselves!)
OCD is just another Addiction.
Lessons learned from OCD
OCD Ruining Dates
Musical Obsession OCD
