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My 13 yo son has had OCD tendencies since early childhood, but became disfunctional with the New Year. He's in the process of receiving a full Psychological Evaluation and has been receiving CBT for months via teletherapy to treat OCD & anxiety. We live rurally, so we have to drive 3 hours for in-person treatments, which are far more effective. I've discovered that my own OCD tendencies since childhood are actually OCD. His father also has OCD, but we've managed to be functional people throughout our lives because when we were growing up, our parents either ignored our issues or told us to deal with them ourselves. OCD knowledge & treatment was unheard of in the 1980's & 1990's where we come from. This journey with my son as a single mom is intense & scary. My own PTSD & OCD issues have been triggered as a result of dealing with his while simultaneously recognizing my own inability to be objective in our current situation. What we've always excused as tendencies based on our own life experiences have blinded us to the reality of what our son was going through until he turned 13 with the New Year and essentially became OCD extreme overnight. The Pandemic has been rough on him due to the isolation from school friends, lifelong anxiety that has turned into ticks & rituals, and the discovery that he also has dyscalculia, a math learning disability. We need community and support, people who understand what we're going through.

[NoRegret]

Welcome here AmayaRose. I have adult kids and as far as I know they don't have OCD or PTSD like I do. The boys do deal with depression and anxiety, I always worry I inflicted that either genetically or learned behavior upon them. What helps your Son to calm? 13 years old is rough on kids and parents anyway without the behavior health issues . I am sending a virtual hug to you and hoping you and your Son get some calm and peace of mind.

[Hidden in reply to NoRegret]

Thank you so much, virtual hug right back at you. My son loves Nature and hiking, but would also be happy to be in a bubble playing Minecraft and watching his favorite YouTubers. He does well in Therapy sessions but tends to mostly ignore and reject the tools that he's learning, thus far. I've questioned the Psychiatrist about him having ODD. Her response is that it all stems from anxiety, stress, dyscalculia and the OCD, regardless of whether he has ODD or not. Because of the ongoing Pandemic, there are no groups meeting where we live, no summer camps, no martial arts classes, etc. This is the worst time to be going through all of this and we're convinced that it would have never gotten to this point if not for the Pandemic in the first place so... ugh. So far, the most effective CBT technique he's learned is asking: Is it helpful? Is it true? He asks these questions daily when having intrusive thoughts, but it doesn't always help him to remain calm. He's having a difficult time staying grounded and coming back to his breath. He's a defiant 13yo who's spinning out weekly. The more I learn about OCD, the more I realize that my own coping mechanisms have definitely been adopted by him. Since he has 2 parents with OCD, I suppose it was inevitable that he would also end up with it. Our environments shape us, as do our genetics. Currently searching for the right Therapist for myself to help me with my own PTSD issues and to be a better parent to my son. This is still a shock sometimes and a lot of Therapists have full practices since the entire world is in a mental health crisis. His OCD has taken over our world and I'm struggling to maintain my own health practices.

What helps you to cope with your own issues?

[JessieV]

Welcome! I’m so glad you’ve recognized these tendencies in your son and are getting him help. On average it takes 17 years from the onset of symptoms to get a diagnosis. So I know it might not feel this way, but you’re actually ahead of the curve by getting him help so soon! Good job! You’re a great parent.

I was diagnosed at 19. I wish I’d at least had a name for it before then. I would imagine that even if he doesn’t want to use the therapists’ strategies, maybe knowing what it is and having a name for it (OCD) is somewhat comforting to him. I would suggest looking for a therapist who can do exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy with him. That is supposedly the main therapy that works with OCD, and I can see it helping in my life.

I don’t know if any of that helps but I wanted to throw it out there just in case. Don’t forget to get yourself the help you need too. It’s tough to handle all this! I’m always happy to chat (sometimes takes me a while to respond though just FYI but message anytime!). You and your son are not alone!

[Hidden in reply to JessieV]

Thank you... he's receiving CBT, but the Exposure Therapy has been too intense for him to deal with so far, so his Therapist is taking it slowly with other CBT techniques, Mindfulness, etc. They're about to begin Brainspotting. I will definitely reach out to you soon.

[JessieV in reply to Hidden]

Makes sense! Each person is different and you have to do what’s right for you!